My Dad

Am I a chess piece to him also? I thought he was different as long as I told the truth, I thought he would eventually try to protect me. I feel like Bernice in "Hope Floats" when she goes running after her dad and he continues to push her away when she's got tears in her eyes, begging him to take her home with him because she thinks he walks on water.
He just shuns her and goes about his day, leaving her totally desparate and alone. Im so tired of begging someone to care about me so they can no longer play these head games with me. Its excruciating and cruel what they've done to me and nothing will ever stop them from trying to make me live as a hostage rather than a regular person. They never stop accusing me of bizarre crimes.

SOMETHING i WROTE WHEN i WAS TOLD THAT I WAS GIVEN UP ON BY SOMEONE THAT KNOWS MY DAD, ALTHOUGH AT THE TIME I HAD NO IDEA HE KNOWS MY FATHER AND BROTHERS.

Im devastated, another person tells me that they gave up on me. My glass heart shatters. How can you give up on someone that doesn't do anything bad? It sounds to me like you just blurted out the secret no one was supposed to tell me....you had no intention of saving me to begin with. I needed someone, Im so tired of traveling and not knowing who to trust and staying whereever I can.
It would have been better if you would have told the truth to begin with....you planned on tricking me into thinking that you were going to help get me out of this but in reality all of you were just trying to win me over to get to the baby. Now I get it. Just like my parents, it feels like they never tried to include me in their escape but had all the excuses in the world to find a reason to leave me behind.
I knew I was all alone but I had no idea just how alone I really was. I thought maybe there was some hope, that if I tried hard enough that someone would give me a chance to flourish, thrive and grow and to be a great mom to a son I waited my whole life for-but no one had that intention at all. It was all smoke and mirrors. I stare like a deer in the headlights, traumatized by everything I have been through, knowing I've been overlooked and discounted by anyone that could help me 6 years in a row.


I APPOLOGIZE TO MY FATHERS SIDE OF THE FAMILY FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING (DUE TO THE AUTISM) IN A MORE TIMELY MANNER WHAT YOU WANTED FROM ME. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH HELL AND BACK (KIDNAPPINGS AND RAPES AND BEATINGS) AND HAVE BEEN ALL ALONE ON THE STREETS, NEVER WAIVERING FROM TRUTH, WHILE BEGGING FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE ME OFF THE STREETS. ITS BEEN SIX YEARS OF SUFFERING NEEDLESSLY.
i AM NO CRIMINAL, NO KILLER OR SEX OFFENDER AND EVERYONE IS TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A FREAK WHEN IF THEY PUT THEIR MIND TO IT THEY COULD JUST AS EASILY ALLOW ME TO SHINE WITH ALL THE EFFORT THEY EXPEND ON TRYING TO HURT ME AND PROVE THEIR THEORY THAT I LIE. I DONT LIE ABOUT ANYTHING THAT WOULD AFFECT YOU AND YOUR LIFE AND HAVE CONTINUED TO REMAIN TRUTHFUL WHEN MOST WOULD HAVE STARTED LYING TO PROTECT THEMSELVES.
MY HEART IS TOTALLY BROKEN BY THE FACT THAT i NEVER SEEM GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO TAKE ME IN YET i HAVE PEOPLE BENEFITING FROM AND CASHING IN ON MY BUSINESS IDEAS AND MY WRITING AND THEY ARE STILL TRYING TO PULL THE "YOUR A MEDIUM FOR B ROUTINE"
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GIVE A HOMELESS GIRL CREDIT FOR HER OWN BRAIN AND WRITING? I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THINGS i NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE AND SOME PERSON ALWAYS COMES IN AT THE END AND TAKES CREDIT FOR IT, WHEN THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
i ALWAYS LOOK PATHETIC IN THE END WHEN i REALLY SHOULD BE PROUD OF WHAT i HAVE CREATED OUT OF THE NOTHINGNESS i HAVE BEEN OFFERED IN THE LAST 6 YEARS. MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN BUSINESS IDEAS STOLEN AND PITCHED TO EXECUTIVES THAT ACCEPTED THE IDEAS, MY WRITING SOMETIMES WORLD FAMOUS BUT B GETS CREDIT FOR IT. CODES BROKEN THAT WON AWARDS, THE LIST GOES ON AND ON BUT YET NO ONE FINDS THE VALUE IN ALLOWING ME SHELTER WITH THE PEOPLE I LOVE? HOW COME I HAVE NO VALUE TO YOU BUT YOU CONTINUE TO REAP THE BENEFITS OF MY MIND IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER. iM OUT HERE PETRAFIED ON THE STREET ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH AND WITH ALL THE MONEY BETWEEN YOU YOU DONT FIND THE VALUE IN BRINGING ME IN OFF THE STREET AT THE VERY LEAST AS A SMART BUSINESS MOVE? i WOULD PREFER FOR YOU TO ACTUALLY LOVE ME BUT I WOULD SETTLE FOR A MUTUAL BUSINESS ARANGEMENT WHERE I ORIGINATE IDEAS AND GIVE YOU A PERCENTAGE FOR SAVING ME.
i LOVE MY FATHER, i LOVE MY MOTHER AND i HAVE ACCOMPLISHED MORE IN 6 YEARS THAN THEY DID IN THEIR LIFETIMES--THEY SHOULD BE SO PROUD, BUT INSTEAD, IM NEVER GOING TO BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR EITHER OF THEM AND THEY LEAVE A BRILLIANT MIND TO BE ANTAGONIZED AND HARASSED OUT ON THE STREET. i REALLY LOVE YOU BUT HOW COULD YOU CONSCIOUSLY LEAVE ME TO DIE WITH CONJESTIVE HEART FAILURE OUT ON THE STREET?
NOT ONLY THAT BUT SOME CHICKEN SHIT KEEPS LYING TO MY FATHER AND TELLING HIM THAT i STEAL THINGS RANDOMLY. THEY JUST LIED TO HIM AND TOLD HIM THAT I STOLED CREDIT CARDS AND FORGED CHECKS. I HAD A LADY HIDE HER WALLET AROUND ME THE OTHER DAY AND i WAS MORTIFIED, AS I AM THE MOST TRUSTWORTHY NON-THEIF THERE EVER WAS ON EARTH. BUT THEY JUST KEEP LYING TO MY FATHER SO THAT HE WONT HELP ME.
i APPOLOGIZE TO MY FATHER THAT HE KEEPS GETTING LIED TO AND I APPOLOGIZE THAT IT STILL HASN'T OCCURED TO HIM TO ACTUALLY ASK WHAT MY VERSION OF THE STORY MAY BE. HE REALLY MUST NOT KNOW ME AT ALL IF HE THINKS THAT i GO AROUND STEALING THINGS. I LOVE YOU ANYWAY.