Denied

Ive grown tired of my every action being picked apart, never allowed to be myself and constantly accused of various things because of ranging interests, sometime a dual fascination with polar opposites. So smart at times that I amaze myself and so completely prehistoric at other intervals leave me totally perplexed that my brain hasn’t exploded yet. I notice things that no one notices and these people treat me as if I am some sort of game player when not allowed a period of time, ever, removed from judgement. They feed off my discoveries and then turn around and tell the world that I am jealous of some girl that they gave credit for the discovery to. Every moment of the day badgered by a relentless bunch that have to work overtime in order to lie fast enough to throw off the latest batch of awe struck opportunity granters. People that they will never allow to help me because they know that payback is a real b _ t __. They never allow me to shine because they have some other girl that they use me for. They think they’ve got me, they think they’ve won, yet NONE of them would have lived through the last 6 years that I’ve endured…..not one of them. A bunch of lazy cowards that cant get anywhere by telling the truth ... they have to lie. I’ve been honest the entire time.
Ive landed among greats, hob nobbed with people they would have never in a million years reached with out my fearlessness. They amaze me with their complete determination to rule me with their ignorance. Don’t know a damn thing about what their talking about but all consider themselves better than me and some form of expert yet have never put themselves out there for themselves not to mention for the benefit of someone else. Spoiled brats that haven’t so much as met the earth face to face, trying to tell me “how its going to be”. I roll my eyes because I know that they wont even put their money where their mouth is. And if removed from their money what kind of person would they have become in the last six year period? Would they still be honest after six years of mental cruelty, rapes, kidnappings and beatings. Not to mention a 3 month stint as a third world country experiment in primitive organ doning at the beginning of this journey.
They are all totally ignorant and I am just tired of dealing with constant threats by people that wont even sacrifice their method of existence for a couple of months, yet expect me to always sacrifice something that I care about.
They gave “Annie” credit for all my experiences and all my journeys. They continue to do so. All my journals, all my suffering goes to her and “B”. What happens when I die? Are they going to have to finally rely on their own selves. By then it wont matter because they will have pulled off all the duping needed to ensure their lavish lifestyle. All my poems suddenly belong to “B” everything on earth I have ever created goes to some little bitch that couldn’t think for herself. Can you blame me? I did all the work and they take my breath right from my lungs. It is kind of nice to know that I, more that contributed to the uprising of a new empire. Its nice to know that as a bunch of people profess their never ending love for these two people, that they are really complimenting me. Don’t tell them that, their too “busy” looking for ways to sneer and spit at me, not to mention trying to create situations that make me appear guilty in instances of doing, racism, jealousy, attention getting, man stealing, theft, stalking, and even murder. No one knows the true being I am. Ive become rough at times, to my dismay, because that is a side of me that isn’t natural but brought on by nonstop unprovoked harassment and character defamation. To be quite honest the badgering has reached such unprecedented levels that I am truly amazed at my ability to cut off my own air supply in an all out effort to try to keep it together. I literally have had to stop breathing at times to keep someone from getting their just desserts. There has been no other way than to deny myself body function to continue to ensure some selfish asshole their continued safety. Even right now, someone new shows up and I am just supposed to abandon my own plans to cater to their needs. The selfishness amazes me considering that I am only trying to find solace for a small while. I cant even stand the way that is comfortable because they think that I am trying to send some sort of signal or sign about another group of people. All normal body function denied constantly because of the way “THEY” might perceive it. Everything is about them. I’ve always, my entire life have had my own mannerisms but now they are all denied because they are afraid that I am sending out some sort of …. Whatever…? I just want to be able to have something that is my own, but their selfishness has turned my body into their advocate…..my words…again that they gave credit to “B” for. I cant touch or fold my arms, I cant put one foot on the other as I stand, I cant smile, the list goes on and on. A prisoner in my own body. They take everything I say or write literally instead of in metaphors and they are all hinged on trying to find out whether I am or Im not, a total waste of time
Then they crowd whatever space that I can find to relax and unwind, as if afraid to leave me unattended for fear that I may perhaps be able to lift myself out of the f-ing pit they’ve put me in. Cowards that thing they own me and wont fucking leave me alone. Get away from me I don’t know you. You ruined my life and you video taped me without my knowledge and orgasmed and destroyed my existence. You took advantage of my autism and get the fuck away from me. I COULDN’T COME WHEN I WAS COMPLETELY MORTIFIED BY THE SITUATION I WAS STUCK IN BUT YOU SURE CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!