I cant relate

I grew up around music, laughter, and people that would do anything to stay happy and let the good times roll.
They fought for their right to have a pulse and feel all the great parts of life while going to any extreme to avoid a bad reality trip.
Im stuck now with people that technically speak the same language as me but I dont understand one thing that comes from their face. I've gotten so jaded that I dont even hear what they say anymore, I just watch their lips move with my earplugs lodged because I know its hopeless. The mission of trying to find a like person.
The people that surround me are consumed it seems with keeping people miserable. They condemn me to live the lifestyle of some solitary confinement prisoner.
They make everything an issue, everything is part of their game. Eating and drinking, whether or not you can have a blanket, fuck Im not even allowed to smile when I manage to ride some of my own pleasant thoughts from my mind. They play this game all day and its not even an enjoyable one. It hurts peoples lives and is totally counterproductive not to mention a waste of time on this planet.
They find pleasure in punishing you for laughter or insight. They attatch meaning and regiment things that are meant to flow and be random.
In the world that I live in, there is no love or laughter, they dont allow it. They try to make you feel dirty for having any adult relationship. To these sick minded people grown people are children, you cant have sex because supposedly a grown man is magically transformed into an 8 year old the moment you decide to become intimate.
And they use their kids --- they actually teach their children to say that they (the kids) were your ex-partner somehow. What an unnecessary mind fuck that is in every direction. Now Im a child molester? On what planet? Ive been with adults only and only twice in 3 1/2 years. No children at all in the equation.
This isn't the world that I grew up in, everything familiar seems to have vanished and Im left with people that have the most close minded ignorant waste of time viewpoints I've ever had the misfortune of experiencing here on earth. And thats all there is, just them, just their mental prisons that they go out of their way to construct around your every action or thought.
Its not worth it. My only regret on this earth is that I got pregnant and now there is another innocent soul that is forced to endure this aweful reality. They want my kid to be their Jesus, their N, their So, their Em, their toy, their property. The fucking selfishness almost to much for me to bear somedays as I put my hands to my loves movements underneath the protective cover of my belly. What about what he wants to be in this life, on this planet? They already have his identity planned out and attatching people to him that I wouldn't let touch him or his psyche with a ten foot pole. People that dont believe in magic or imagination. People that go around saying 4 dinner, 4 love, and "okay" all the time. Then there are the others, the ones that want to use him with some sort of purpose in mind. No one cares about what he may want. Its almost totally irrelevant that he will have his own pulse. He's a doll to them. A plaything, like clay and I am mortified that Im running out of time to find a way to get him to a place where all the possibilities of life are before him.
I hate everyone of these people, even the people that claim to want to take him from this. They could take us both and I know that. If I wasn't his mother then I wouldn't want to go with him. But there really is nothing left if he is raised by someone else because they weren't meant to be his mother, I was. Thats why he is in my womb. They are going to totally ruin his entire destiny without my ability to mother him. This was meant to be and they are once again altering fate with their cruel limited intervention. They could take both of us and believe me I've earned my escape papers. I should be thankful they say. Thankful that they plan on taking him and turning him into something they think is appropriate but nowhere am I hearing about what he wants in this life, its all about what they can make of him.
I hate them all, for doing it to me and then doing it to him.
Where did these spawns of people come from? How come they weren't around when I was growing up (thank goodness)