from my phone, all my entries, I am at the point where i have lost almost all feeling for almost everyone involved. This doesn't mean that i dont care about you it means that i am done being your joke.....and it also means that i am done with whether or not you announce to the world that you want or dont want me..........Read the following carefully........I dont care if you ever want me at all.......i want me..........I cant stop you from making a mistake, and dont want to stop you. I dont want you to be in my life at all if you dont want to be.......thats how i see it...Also if i tell you i am thinking about someone it doesn't mean sexually....It means that i have always been a loving individual that loves and worries about people that i have met along the way and of course there are those that leave a lasting impression and that I hope are alright especially if i meet them during a time of turbulance.

They want me to go to hell or stay in hell after what I've already lived through. It never ends for me. I'm never allowed to be normal ever. If I'm not fighting for someone else’s causes I get damned. I am never taken into consideration nothing I've been through is ever taken into consideration. it always has to be about someone else. I've been living without normal decencies for all this time and never does it matter what I've already been through. Always some bitch that doesn't want to go through the hardships it takes to earn her spot so she uses and rides me like a pack mule to get what she's to lazy to get on her own. I've been productive all along and the only day I've taken for myself where I haven't been getting abused I get called lazy and told that I'm damned to hell for having my own problems. I'm barely holding on from constant abuse....and it’s constant................................................. This girl that just got out of jail has been residing in the living room of the house that I just rented the room from for close to two weeks and has been domineering and abusive the entire time and has targeted me. The man of the house has been also progressively abusive toward me also since she's been there not to mention mind tripping me and threatening to send me to an institution for asking the girl that's staying in the living room to stop being abusive toward me. So I got kicked out for asking her to stop as well as accused of abusing her. Basically everything that she did to me got turned around on me when I had done nothing wrong. I was a paying renter that didn't plan on having a third person to deal with when I rented the room. I was about to pay my rent when I got kicked out but was trying to ask her how long she was going to be staying there so that I would know whether I was actually about to pay my rent to be abused for another month. That's when I got kicked out, for asking her how long she was going to continue the behavior. I got told to go to a shelter and my reply was why should I have to go back to the shelter when I pay rent.....why doesn't she go to the shelter since she's the one that isn't currently renting here............................................................... > All of it was a set up as usual to make me look bad while getting away with abusing me. I actually liked that guy, started to totally care about another person, and wanted to be close to him but who am I right? No one at all.....everyone has made sure of it. I'm just a woman that's been proposed to eleven times that the world doesn't know they're in love with. They don't even know how much I've loved them sinced they've been lied to all along. I keep overhearing conversations about how they know that I would be loved if the truth were told.............................. I love him. Whoever he is. I am beyond craving him. I say this about the many soulmates I've found. I miss him.....all of him.............................. It keeps coming back to him. ......... kisses love......I miss you with every fiber of my being....I'm crying again for the millionth time this week. I'm so alone. I miss you so much I can hardly breath.....listen to jordin sparks no air……… I am so lonely............. I miss being in his arms............ I say his arms as if there is a him......... There isn't and hasn't been ...but...I miss feeling his lips on mine and sucking lightly on his bottom lip as I travel with my lips down the length of his chest. I miss him with every fiber of my body and every heartbeat. He's amazing and articulate and no matter what he says he misses me. He’ll never let you fully destroy me or erase me from his mind. Im not saying that this man is a reality at this moment but I know he’s out there and this is exactly what I am craving. I ache for a being of light to love and care for. He may listen to the many unkind words said to sway him but he’ll never completely absorb them. I want so bad to feel his strong hands on my back when he pulls me near. I'm so tired of flimsy and fleeting as the norm in my life. I want to feel a constant, consistant, strength that I can sink into. I want to feel the shelter of what a man’s arms can actually mean. I miss feeling his mouth and nose as he rests his face on my forehead while embracing me. This is something that has been absent for longer than I care to admit. > I'm so hungry for him. Mentally sexually thirsting for something remotely close to him in life. Seems like he's been gone so long. Seems like he abandonded ship before he knew what he had hidden amist the layers of mud slung onto me...................... > Laci renee issel > Dec. 8 2012 > Imiss you soo much that I cry from my soul without outward tears. I brave the world everyday without the comfort of your strong grasp............................. Also listen to concrete angel from I think martina mcbride but it could be someone else. That's how this life has been. > I'm gonna have to get myself a lease on life soon. > When I said kisses I meant it as a good thing wasn't saying that we wouldn't have lasted. And love was a term of endearment.............................................................The following entry is from a while back....... I'm petrified I woke up petrified again and the world is still worried about everyone else but me. All I want is for someone to hold me but as usual I can't even get that.....from anywhere. I'm never extended any comfort from anywhere as I am litteraly scared to walk down the street based on my roomate telling me that I'm going to die soon for the sake of some other person. All anyone ever does is worry about someone else, I'm never even worried about. Any other girl would be loved, worried about and catered to to make every effort to insure her safety. My safety completely overlooked in favor of someone that hasn't even contributed one tenth of what I have to this planet. I'm tired of never mattering to anyone, I'm tired of being discounted, mocked, lied about and taken for granted every hour of the day. I'm treated like shit the majority of the time and I'm just supposed to keep trooping along for people that probably don't even love me.........and they think I'm crying over a man. I'm crying from being left to die so many times and with absolutely no regard for my inner fears and as I try to cope all alone. I'm crying that there isn't anyone that seems the least bit concerned, for me at all. They are worried about people that are fully protected already and have been all along, who don't even need worry. They abuse me so bad in every possible way and no one gives a shit. I'm not worth anything to them at all but the ones that have used me the entire time to get where they are now don’t even offer something to keep me going. > Litterally..........they don't even care about their own mealticket and that's all I feel like I've been to these super selfish people who used me until I couldn't even cognate but couldn't lower themselves to even spend some time with me, to give me a familiar face to get me through my pointless day full of nothingness for me and making another fortune for them. Nobody even cares....I'm only an object to them......it seems like that's all I am to them........................................ >I just read craigslist ads and it appears that the men don't know the first thing about me. I read the ads specifically on purpose to see where I stand in the minds of locals.... More of the same assholes that think they've got me pegged. A couple of genuine ones but for the most part they think I am this totally opposite person that I actually am................................................... As you are probably aware I am still surrounded by people that loathe me for no logical reason. I'm so tired of this being my reality. I'm this wonderful person and nobody knows it. They think the imposter is me they hear my thoughts and think that they are listening to hers. They are and have been in love with me all along but thought it was her. I've been proposed to eleven times and not once was I told about them. They think my phone that I'm typing on belongs to someone else even though I have the receipt that shows I bought it w/my debit card so I'm going to log out of my phone and email and log back on. My phone is not stolen from another female my phone is infact mine and I have the receipt for it. Also listen to concrete angel from I think martina mcbride but it could be someone else. That's how this life has been......................................... > I'm gonna have to get myself a lease on life soon.............................. > When I said kisses I meant it as a good thing wasn't saying that we wouldn't have lasted. And love was a term of endearment.................................... Why do you continue to believe anything anyone tells you about me when they professionally lie about me at all times. > If they said that they slept with me or got a blow job they didn't. Im sick of everyone. > Laci Renee Issel 10/4/12 12:35pm

serenabeanfeld.blogspot.com new picture posted look at it

10 years later and I'm still being treated like I have to prove something to somebody after I barely live to the 44 different attempts on my life

hi I have a blog on the site for a while um I've been on the Serena being Feld dot blog spot.com sites um everyone is accusing me of having a stolen phone and it is in fact my phone I have the receipt that has my debit card number on it