There is an entry on www.serenabeanfeld.blogspot.com that you may want to take a look at. It is the newest entry, the first on the site.

Have you tried getting your own life?..................

Have you tried getting your own life?.................. Have you tried getting your own life?.................. That bastard used me again. The one from Canada that I was forced to sleep with thinking that if I didn't someone would lose a hand (the after affect of constant and without end brain washing--thinking of the worst). Dont worry about me though, after constant harassment and stalking from this man I have now made him a super celebrity just by being plagued by his existance. He offered me "love" though.........gee, I feel so much better now. Im offered "love"by someone that I never wanted in my life at all but that wouldn't leave me alone ever since I met him four years ago...................................................................................................................................................... And these are the kinds of people I have been plagued with in my life. All of them the same, all of them strangers that constantly stalk, humiliate and pursue me to the ends of the earth threatening me, a complete stranger, if they dont get their way. AND THIS HAPPENS TO ME AFTER I PAY RENT AND IN MY OWN DWELLING SPACE AS ONCE AGAIN MY RESIDENCE (WHICH BY THE WAY IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY SAFE PLACE) HAS NOW BEEN TURNED INTO A COMPTETION FOREFRONT THAT I DIDN'T AGREE TO PAYING FOR AND THAT I SPECIFICALLY RENTED THE ROOM TO GET AWAY FROM......I FIND OUT THAT MY ROOMATES ARE REPRESENTING OTHER GREEDY FUCKING SELFISH PEOPLE THAT WANT SOMETHING OUT OF ME ALSO.........iM NOT SAYING THAT I DONT LIKE MY ROOMMATES AS I HAPPEN TO CARE ABOUT THE OLDER MAN THAT I RESIDE WITH AND DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE LADY BUT I AM SAYING THAT THEY ARE VESSEL'S FOR PEOPLE THAT ARE USING MY PRESENCE IN THIS HOUSE TO AID THEMSELVES.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I HATE MY EXISTANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you wonder where my agression comes from. I was raised normal but still, I am being used to "get everyone in" to whatever organization or group of people they want to be affiliated with all while being treated like shit the majority of the time and PAYING MY OWN WAY for people to fucking steal from me,every opportunity I have ever been presented with.................................................................................... I AM NOT HERE TO GET YOU IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM A PERSON THAT WOULD APPRECIATE GETTING ON WITH MY LIFE NOW YOU FUCKING SELFISH PIECE OF SHIT THAT COULDN'T GET YOURSELF IN THE FUCKING FRONT DOOR IF IT WAS WIDE FUCKING OPEN FOR YOU.............................................................................................................................................................. WHAT DID I GET YOU INTO THIS TIME.......HAVE ALIENS DECIDED YOUR THIER FRIEND AND NOT ME.................OR DID I GET YOU INTO THE INTERNATIONAL POLICE MEN'S ASSOCIATION.......THE SKULLS........DID I MAKE YOU A PRINCE OR A PRINCESS?.........ARE YOU EMPRESS MATERIAL NOW?...........ARE YOU IN WITH THE "IT'S SNOT" CREW..........ARE YOU IN WITH THE "NO" CROWD...........DID YOU MANAGE TO USE ME TO GET INTO THE SECRET SERVICE?...........ARE YOU THINKING YOU HAVE A SEAT IN THE WHITE HOUSE`?...........................ARE YOU IN WITH THE SEALS NOW?...........................LET ME GUESS YOUR A "SO" NOW.............DID THE QUEEN DECIDE THAT YOU SHOULD BE KNIGHTED FOR SOMETHING i ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED?.NO, THAT'S THE EYE THAT TAKES AWAY EVERYTHING FROM ME AND GIVES IT TO YOU WHILE TRYING TO MAKE ME APPEAR DESERVING OF THE ALL OUT FUCKING CRUELTY THEY CONTINUE TO DISH MY WAY, NEVER ALLOWING ME MY OWN PROBLEMS OR MY OWN PAIN AS EVERYTHING IS CONSTANTLY MADE TO REVOLVE AROUND WHOEVER THEY FUCKING WANT IT TO REVOLVE AROUND ............... ARE YOU AN OPERATIVE FUNCTIONING FOR THE CIA?..........ARE YOU USING ME SUPER FUCKING AMAZING BRAIN TO GAIN ACCESS TO INTELLIGENCE?........ARE YOU ANNIE'S BEST FRIEND NOW?...............................OH, I KNOW,MAYBE MY FAMILY HAS DECIDED TO LOVE YOU INSTEAD OF ME..................MAYBE YOUR IN WITH THE SICK IN THE FUCKING HEAD PEOPLE THAT SPEND ALL THEIR TIME PLAYING VIDEOS OF AN EXTREMELY LOW PERIOD OF TIME IN MY LIFE AND YOU ALL BET ON WHO WILL THROW UP DURING THE CURRENT SHOWING OF THE VIDEO..................OR DID YOU GET CREDITED WITH THE LAST THREE MONTHS THAT I HAVE HAD TO GO OUT OF MY WAY TO NOT CONSUME WATER ON BEHALF OF THE US MILITARY OR THE LAST THREE MONTHS WHERE I HAVE HARDLY ANY NUTRITION (VEGETABLES AND PRODUCE THAT I CAN'T AFFORD THANKS TO YOU USING ME AND EVERY PORTION OF MY EXISTANCE TO PAD YOUR WALLETS.................................................................... MAYBE ITS THAT HOLLYWOOD HAS DECIDED TO INCLUDE YOU IN WHATEVER TECHNICALLY MAKES ME HAPPY AND IN TURN SHUNNING ME FROM A LOT OF MY FRIENDS AND THE THINGS THAT I ENJOY........ mAYBE YOU WENT THROUGH MY ENTIRE LIFE AND DECIDED THAT YOU SHOULD GET TO RIDE ME LIKE A HORSE ALSO SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO YOUR OWN WORK AND THEN THAT MAKES YOU SOME SORT OF SOMETHING....................................ARE YOU IN????????????????? I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER KNOWING THAT AS USUAL, I DON'T HAVE SHIT TO SHOW FOR ALL THE SHIT PEOPLE LIKE YOU PUT ME THROUGH BUT THAT YOU WALK AWAY RICHER, SMARTER AND NOW HAVE MORE FRIENDS THANKS TO USING ME......................I HAVE THREE WORDS FOR YOU.................................................................................................................................................................. ALSO I LOVE HOW I PUT THINGS ON HOLD AT STORES AND YOU GO FUCKING BUY IT SO THAT I CAN'T HAVE IT. MOST THINGS NOT A BIG DEAL BUT SOME THINGS ARE ACTUAL NECESSITIES THAT I HAPPEN TO FIND THAT ARE REMOTELY ATTRACTIVE AND THEN YOU GO TO THE FUCKING STORE AND BUY IT JUST SO THAT I CANT HAVE ANYTHING THAT MAKES ME FUCKING HAPPY...................................................................................................................................... O...WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME? I AM YOUR NUMBER FUCKING ONE CASH COW AND YOU FUCKING NEVER GIVE ANYTHING BACK FOR ALL THE NO BRAIN HAVING PIECES OF SHIT THAT YOU CREDIT MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS TO..........I AM STARTING TO LOSE ALL FUCKING RESPECT FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE TO NOT ONLY USE THE POOREST PERSON ON EARTH TO MAKE THEIR FAVORITES LOOK STELLAR TO THE WORLD BUT THAT YOU DONT EVEN BOTHER PROPERLY COMPENSATING THE PERSON CREATING ALL THESE PEOPLE THAT EVERYONE IS FUCKING BOWING TO ALL THE FUCKING TIME................................................................................................................. IM SICK OF EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I DONT EVER GET ANYTHING OUT OF ANYTHING THAT I DO FOR YOU....AND FOR YEARS AT A TIME.................... i DONT EVER GET ANYTHING FROM U AT ALL BUT ANOTHER YANK AT THE CARPET FROM UNDER MY FEET..................................................................................................................................................................................................................... AND YES, I AM AWARE THAT THE BLACK POPULATION WATCHES ME IN THE KITCHEN SOMEHOW OF THE HOME THAT I RESIDE IN AND SINCE i'VE BEEN EATING LIKE A FUCKING MANIAC LATELY (BUT STILL LOSING WEIGHT) YOU USE THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO DO SOME OTHER SHITTY THING TO ME WHILE USING YOUR FAVORITE FUCKING CRUTCH OF ALL TIME......PROBABLY TOOK THE RACISM ANGLE TO JUSTIFY YOUR CRUELTY WHEN YOU KNOW iM NOT FUCKING RACIST. YEAH, I HEARD THE MAN BEHIND ME AT THE LIBRARY TWO DAYS AGO MAKING SNORTING NOISES WHEN I WAS THINKING ABOUT FOOD ETC.......AND I ALSO HEARD THE LADY AT ROSS TELL THE OTHER BLACK LADY THAT SHE IS THE REASON I MAY END UP KILLING MYSELF............................................................................................. THE PROOF OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO MY LIFE IS ALL FUCKING AROUND ME AND YOU ALL FUCKING DAY AND EVERYONE ACTS LIKE I'VE DONE SOMETHING FUCKING WRONG............................................................................................................................... AT THIS POINT YOUR LUCKY IM FUCKING STUFFING MY FACE INSTEAD OF ON YOUR GOD DAMNED DOORSTEP PREPARED TO COLLECT FROM YOU WHAT YOU FUCKING HAVE TAKEN AWAY FROM ME IN THIS LIFETIME...............YOU'RE STARTING TO GO WAY TO FUCKING FAR AND EVEN THOUGH SOME OF YOU DO SHIT TO ME ON PURPOSE TO SEE IF I'LL GET ALL "CARRY" (AS IN, THE MOVIE) ON YOU, IM THINKIN THAT MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE SOMEONE THAT FAR AS THE SITUATION LOSES ALL ITS HUMOR WHEN ITS YOU THAT STARTS LOSING YOUR LIFE OR THE LIFE OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE, DOESN'T IT? iM TELLING YOU..........STOP....................................................................... REMEMBER.....YOU'VE COST ME FRIENDS, FAMILY, LOVED ONES, ASSOCIATIONS THAT ARE DECENT, MATERIAL ITEMS, MY DIGNITY, MY CHILDREN, PEOPLE THAT HAVE ACTUALLY LOVED ME, YOU'VE COST ME MILLIONS OF DOLLARS THAT I EARNED, MY REPUTATION AS A NORMAL DECENT PERSON, AND THE WORST THING OTHER THAN COSTING ME MY CHILDREN WITH YOUR FUCKING GREED IS THAT YOU MADE ME CHANGE THE KIND AND TENDER HEARTED BEAUTIFUL LOVING CREATURE THAT I WAS MEANT TO BE ON THIS EARTH.AND FORCED I REPEAT, FORCED ME TO BECOME SOMEONE THAT IS A SHELL OF WHAT I ONCE WAS, LITERALLY, AS I HAVE ACTUALLY LOST MOST FEELING TOWARD ALL THAT CONTINUE TO THINK THAT THEY GET TO "go" IF THEY FUCKING HURT ME IN SOME WAY, SHAPE OR FORM............i LOVED HER.......THE PERSON THAT I WAS MEANT TO BE...............SHE'S STILL THERE,BUT BEHIND A GRANITE FUCKING WALL TWENTY FOUR HOURS A DAY,SEVEN DAYS A WEEK.....BUT HEY.......AT LEAST YOU GOT IN.................................................................................................................. BY THE WAY........IF YOU TRY TO PASS MY BEAUTIFUL INTELLIGENT,PRESENCE ON THIS EARTH AS GROUPIE MATERIAL ONE MORE TIME, YOU MIGHT BE THE ONE WITH THE ACTUAL PROBLEM............................................................................................................................................................. I AM NOT A LESBIEN, NOT GAY AND WAS NEVER REFERRING TO CASEY ANTHONY WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT I WAS HOLDING A DOLLAR BILL IN HONOR OF MY STEP SISTER KACY (MY FATHER'S STEP DAUGHTER THROUGH MARRIAGE)............................IM SICK OF YOU ATTATCHING WIERD ASS PEOPLE, BAD PEOPLE, killers and bizarre PEOPLE TO MY FUCKING EXISTANCE. Your going to feel so fucking dumb when you find out that not only did I not have anything to do with my son's death but that i've been telling you the truth all along. Laci Renee Issel 11/25/12 11:41 pm

Another fear

I dont feel as if anyone loves me or could love me after all that I have been through and now I find out that my worst fear may be true. A mesh implant from when i was at that aweful place (the one where I was attacked repeatedly and consistantly over a 39 day period and feared that I would die there and where I had never been exposed to that world before, ever as I grew up in suberbia and wouldn't know the difference between turning left or right as these people try to make an issue -- have I mentioned how i seem to be the only person that is not only abused and almost killed on a repeated basis but how once I live through it I am punished yet again for not knowing the ins and outs of a situation I had never previously been exposed to. Its like living through the pow camps during the holocaust and then having the Americans and other allies put you on trial for living through it, rather than welcome you and treat you as an inspiration. Anyway there I was I think, implanted, which would explain the pulses throughout my body. I feel as if I actually should just kill myself, even though I am not suicidal but I feel hopeless of ever having a decent life or getting from life what I have worked for.. I have a specific person to thank for the implant.(i wont name her as unlike her I actually wouldn't intentionally put someone in a situation where their life was in danger and then turn around and make everything about me---I should though)...Obviously no regard for my life or the fact that I haven't even had a quality of life over the last ten years. I have been through horrors that people only watch movies about or read about but never go through themselves and still I am the bad guy. Is there someone that loves me? It doesn't seem like it. How would I know since I have been used so mercilessly for every other female on earth. I don't believe that anything is about me. I believe that it is about me on the way to getting their way, but only in the sense where they string me along until they get what they want. Then they make it appear as if I am of some concern to them but for the most part they are always just trying to get to one of my friends, my family members, or one of my associations along the way. I miss being around someone that I can relate to as the only people I am ever around are still trying their best to blame me for some attrocity somewhere along the path of this life and I never get to just be a person without someone feeling the need to test me at all times for their group of people and their practices in life. Throughout the years I have been tested by every group imagineable. It is so old now, Im not a walking "let me prove myself to a bunch of people that not only dont care about me but aren't even capable of some of the things I a have been capable of ". Now this moron takes credit for something I wrote in Southern California about how the girl that everyone adores and that gets into everything does so by using my brain and such, but that she is never "tested" once she gets in and basically gets a free ride. I am so sick of this asshole in my life. He uses me more than the fucking girls do. Trying to make a fool out of me everyday of my life and I don't know why he would go there since obviously without me he would be out of material to make himself look good and or famous. Laci Renee Issel 11/24/12 10:11 pm

Something else they tried to pass off to the public as some sort of "Felony Assault" on my end and the real story behind it.

He was involved in the indianapolis beating I endured but I didn't know about it. The police officer telling me as he was fingerprinting me that "You weren't supposed to be there" when I asked him why any of it had happened to me to begin with. Of course I am capable of forgiveness but people are crazy if they just expect me not to have my own feelings about a situation like that, but it doesn't have anything to do with forgiving. If I forgive someone, I mean it, but that doesn't mean that its that easy to forget and erase my feelings about the situation but they are two separate things. No one can just expect me to forgive without allowing me to heal from the entire thing, but I am sure that the man that appologized, wasn't thinking that I should just never have feelings about the situation. The store manager lied and said that I tried to "swing on him" (his exact words) when he was the one that pushed me down and knocked over an end cap after I asked him to remove his hands from my upper arm, it's like he wasn't even worried about assaulting me out of nowhere and for no reason, then when the police got there I was expecting them to possibly take him in and instead they started beating me to, including pepper spraying me and throwing me in a van.....I was convinced that I was being kidnapped again as nothing legal was going on................................................................. This is the instance of someone claiming that i had assaulted them (apparently trying to extort money from a situation that was completely created by him) I remember the address of where it happened since it happened at a grocery store in Indianapolis. I have yet, after 10 years of being violently assaulted, I have yet to "Swing" at anyone. I haven't done anything violent to anyone. the most violent I have ever been is to not take it out on another person but to knock something over while walking or something like that but never to an animal or person have i ever been violent.

i DISLIKE YOU FOR NOT ALLOWING ME EVEN AN OUNCE OF SUCCESS, AS YOU ALLOW THEM TO MURDER ME SLOWLY BY KEEPING ME CAUGHT UP IN ALL THESE DUMB AS MINI WARS THAT ONLY MATTER AT GROUND LEVEL WHILE KEEPING ME TO DISTRAUGHT AND EXHAUSTED TO FIGHT YOU AT SKY LEVEL. I think they are using the laptop computer to make another person fall in love with another girl by making it look like she is composing all of this, of course lying to him and I dont care anymore as this has been going on for a decade. You know how many men fell in love with me that were told that it was someone else that had the intellect and perspective that I have had throughout the years. Im not saying this to make it sound like they dont'deserve love but obviously someone out there seems to believe that I don't deserve to be loved as they redirect every man that has ever loved me toward another woman. Im happy for them, not a jealousy thing but wonder what it would be like to shine in my own light without having to create a false halo for another girl.or some other endeering personality for them........Laci Renee Issel 11/17/12

I didn't want to publish this but if I dont I fear some other bafoon will take credit for my psyche and pronounce themselves some sort of world leader and then we will have a vast population of people continuing the stupidity for years to come. I wanted this to be private but I am tired of being under a moron's rule. .............Laci Renee Issel 11/17/12 3:30pm.......................................Apparently no one seems to understand the meaning of "I am litterally out of hope that anything will ever change as the battle of the last ten years has left me fucking comatose"

Apparently no one seems to understand the meaning of "I am litterally out of hope that anything will ever change as the battle of the last ten years has left me fucking comatose"........................................... No one ever stops trying to hurt me, ever..................................... Apparently no one seems to understand the meaning of "I've been asking for some healing time that doesn't include your selfish ass in it trying to use this healing time as a stepping stool to your success you fucking selfish piece of shit asshole that has nothing better to do than to include yourself into every portion of my existance all while proclaiming to the world how much "you dont want me".............................. Apparently the more I try to avoid my ex-boyfriend Marc Arnaud the more I get of him....(which by the way has me inches away from offing myself) The more I try to run away from him the more I run right into him. If I leave the house and try to rid myself of him, there he is....If I take the bus to run away from him, there he is. If I try to forget about him completely (isn't hard for me to imagine my world without him in it) they make some normal function of mine contingent upon HIM. They construct everything so that I am perpetually stuck with him. I have never wanted someone to die in my entire life but all of this has left me desparate to erase him from existance so that I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HAVE A NORMAL EXISTANCE................................... A MAN OF MY CHOOSING RATHER THAN ALL OF THESE MEN THAT HAD SOMEONE ELSE NOT TRIED TO PAIR ME WITH THAT I WOULD NEVER HAVE IN MY LIFE AS I DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH THE ONES THAT THEY KEEP TELLING ME ARE MY ONLY OPTIONS. My only options???? Not quite, they are the only options given to me as my real prospects are lied to and guided toward someone else to keep me segregated from anyone that I actually have something in common with. and of course the other motive......to keep me from ever shining in my own light, and to keep me under the control of those they want me to be indebted to........................................................ Not to mention that I am literally tired of all the sexlessness and apparently I have been given an ultimatum (as usual) about whether or not to eat or be able to have sex. That's bad enough if it ended there but guess what that really entails.......if I choose to eat, I am choosing Kendall which is a contradiction to me since i am actually trying to "survive" not have someone looming over me that wont hesitate to kill or harm me. If I choose to have access to sex (before I go any further i have to mention that even when i starved my ass off through out the years I still didn't get to have sex as they would show embarrassing video footage of me from a time when i was at my lowest to make anyone that was even thinking of being with me not want me).....like I said if I choose to have sex that means that once again (according to them) I am stuck with the moron of the century, my ex-boyfriend Marc Arnaud (why I even have to say this next thing is beyond me but I was not ever referring to Mark Zuckerberg as Marc Arnaud is an actual person that I once dated not some fictional character as everyone has been led to believe--i have nothing against MarK Zuck except that he's not understanding that none of this was directed toward him which obviously causes me more drama and hardship, when a billionaire thinks that you are trying to use or attack him)............................................. Im not totally sure but I think that that means that he gets to be included (Marc Arnaud) in some way shape or form in my sex life...such as voyuering me or having access to my thoughts or some shit that is totally unacceptable to me....... So basically this isn't a question of food or sex, this is the same ol thing that it always has been.....TWo people that obviously dont give a shit about me or my happiness or what is in my best interest, having control over the best kept secret of the 21st century and using it to propell themselves toward world domination............................... William was right....I MIGHT AS WELL KILL MYSELF. But I think even he loves Kendall which would mean that he isn't as informed as I have been which means that maybe there is a way out of all this. I just haven't found it yet. (By the way, Kendall is someone even I loved dearly as a sister but I have found out that she doesn't share or reciprocate those feelings and has been coming from a perspective that i didn't want to believe she was even capable of............................................... Do I have "A" or something? I didn't think I did. I've been trying to not eat a specific thing ever since I bought it based on fearing once I got it home that somehow i would adversely affect the name of the brand name. (I happen to know a District Attorney with this name, my uncle has this name and someone else has this name and since I care about everyone even though it usually isn't reciprocated I got spooked when I got it home) When i bought it I wasn't thinking on that level I was just buying something that I happen to love, regardless of brand name (this is how i prefer to function) but then when i got it home everyone (meaning everyone all over las vegas and in the house) was thinking that I was trying to invoke harm or some shit, so I haven't touched it for fear that I would adversely affect someone I actually care about................................................. That's usually what happens if I get spooked, I wont do anything either way and everyone else that shouldn't be hinged on my every action but never stops using me as a fucking chess piece, starts making assumptions about my actions or lack of actions rather than just asking me. Pretty soon everything is all blown out of proportion and I am the bad guy for originally becoming fearful and trying to protect the person in question. Like I said, they never stop including themselves where they have no jurisdiction, I am sick of the chaos they have caused. This is the actual reason I continue to ask these people to vacate my life as they don't know anything about me at all and continue to pass on wrong information and get everyone all riled up since obviously they have it so good as to scrutinize such minewt details of something that is supposed to be normal. They are the ones that have caused all of this, not me, yet I will be blamed for it just as I have been all along. Im smarter than all of these people and it gets old for me having a bunch of morons make assesments of me when they don't think past such petty fucking details. I am trying to get over ten years worth of brainwashing and abuse and they are just making shit worse, causing additional confusion for me and those around me and turn around and blame me when they are done leaving a trail of destruction that they blame on me but that they themselves are responsible for given the fact that they have been allowed to pass around misinformation about me when they don't have credentials or know anything about me. I am mortified and this entire thing is going to be blamed on me and not to mention the worst part of this shit is that now we have even more babboons (no offense to the actual animal) that think they are in power and deserve to start administering "Karma" reprocussions on me when I never had any bad intentions to begin with. Im mortified. They had no business being involved in my life to begin with as I hadn't ever invited them in................................................... since no one seems to know anything about me, here it is.......I have cared about everyone I have ever come into contact with. I am the most gentle soul on the earth and it is unnatural for me to be forced to behave otherwise.....I get angry and write and vent and that is between me and that person during that time....I am now getting to the point where I no longer care about anyone that I once cared about based on the fact that no one has yet to remove me from the harm that these baffoons surround me with. That is my main problem. I no longer hop up and feel the need to run for my life or anyone elses based on the quality of my life is basically nil, as I am never allowed to succeed to my full potential or any potential at all for that matter and everything about me is credited to someone else........................................... I am no longer responsive to anything as being surrounded by these kinds of people is a toxic situation for me as I can't even relate to their primitive ways of thinking to begin with. No one uses their brain for anything, they use mine and they compete using their muscles rather than intellect (something not only am I not into at all but I wont ever get used to having to be subserviant to someone that is physically stronger than me but that I have to lend my brain to in order for them to fully run things) They will probably pass off this writing as something that originated from them when that is impossible, they dont have any depth to them at all, everything is mechanical and violent.......................................... I haven't smoked or drank liquor in half a year. I haven't eaten meat in four months. I haven't had any releif for what seems like forever.............................. Im not a terrorist, you scapegoating bastard! Im a nervous wreck with no outlet and don't know what to do. so incredible unconsoleable as I have wanted to step out of my body over the last couple of days from all the stress and anguish of having nothing that is mine and everytime I try to cope someone thinks i am making some sort of deal with them. I'd much rather drink. I feel so utterly tired of having to figure everything out myself and never having anyone to lean on. and how am I supposed to know that if I try that this time will be different........................................ different than all the other times when I flung myself out into danger and barely survived physically as well as most importantly mentally. You don't know how hard it is to keep yourself mentally sound when everyone and everything around you is trying to capitalize on exhaustion and feeling as if your spirit is totally broken and there is no other purpose left. You dont know how hard it is to keep yourself going when all you want to do is literally lay down and die since that seems to be the only way to get some relief from all of it................................................ Especially being an intellectual person in a situation where Physical stamina is of a higher importance and being a person that is in fact capable of surviving but you ask yourself half way through..."do I actually want to continue "surviving" in this manner and for how much longer. It's not a question of whether or not I can do it as I already have. I am a survivor, I have always dealt with whatever comes my way, but I am also a woman that is a feminine woman at heart and feel as if I have tired of having to be as strong mentally and physically as a man................................................ And of course I realize you are going to be confused as to the contradiction of the topic directly above (physical stamina) and the topic where I stated that physical stamina doesn't equal a world leader. The key phrase being "compete". I don't feel the need to compete on a physical level unless its personal goals I set for myself of a physical nature or perhaps when I was little in gymnastics............................................ If we are talking about leading a population I am less likely to have faith in or believe someone that has to use my brain in order to get by but is say, physically able to deal with enclosing one of their body parts in ice for a certain duration of time....On this such level, their physical strength doesn't impress me at all and usually I am left wondering why someone thinks its alright to come into someone elses life not invited and starts physically "competing" for intellectual property that not only wasn't up for competition but doesn't have anything to do with them................................................... When I speak of physical endurance and survival I am referring to SURVIVAL. That is the difference as I have a bunch of people that think every portion of my life is up for competition and that if you do some "world's guiness record" type shit that you should just have a claim to someone elses livlihood......................................................................................................................................................................Ok's are mad at me, think that I caused them harm when I didn't, so now they are trying to get even with me (not knowing the situation or that I was on everyone's side and believed in everyone's freedom of choice to live their lives the way they wanted---like I need another group of people trying to hurt me that i had previously advocated for.....anyway there was a time that I said "the ok's help a lot of people out there, when they don't move for a long period of time they help (kinda like the matrix) someone within the matrix. I guess that never got back to them.................................................................................................. Anyway the last ten years has been one group after another trying to attack me on behalf of their group of people. The reason I was adamant about not being "okay" is that the term got used to help other people steal my life and my income in a way that just isn't "okay" with me. i wasn't referring to their right to be what they wanted in life and I wasn't referring to anything other than my choices in life didn't fall in line with that lifestyle due to certain people using OK as an excuse in both directions, to steal my life. Plus I love children and infants, and like I said i can't constantly save the world........................................................................................... I am so tired of dealing with anger directed at me for another groups problems. Im already constantly on the verge of tears all the time and still haven't had anyone to lean on in a decade. I haven't had the relief from constant stress yet like they say I have and i dont have all these hundreds of dollars that they say they've been giving me, I have $1. .........................................................................................................................................................................My kid died, Im autistic, Im being erased from my own existance, no one cares about me, my dad is a coward(i dont want to believe this at all considering in my eyes he's always walked on water), my mom is ruthless(but is one of the reasons I continue to survive, as I have learned from her lifesaving things both on my end and toward others), I have no protection or break from anything and I have these fucking people that continue to think that I have nothing better to do than to pass their groups tests, I haven't had a loving person touch me in ages and I have people playing games with my life constantly that i didn't sign up for or even want to participate in. Not to mention after missing my best friend with all my heart find out that she doesn't even give a shit about me and will try to hurt or kill me --- this is a girl that I cry over that I miss having in my life who I loved as a sister. .................................................................................I have residual hurt from being beaten raped and kidnapped multiple times and no one acknowledges it nor will they ever, and I have people that never stop trying to torment me with military school when i am a free spirit that hasn't been permitted to have a non regimented life in a decade. I am having a dificult time without people trying to hurt me further. I am so tired. Laci Renee Issel 11/17/12 3:30pm

IM WARNING YOU.......DO NOT CONTINUE TO FIGHT OVER MY SON OR ANYTHING ABOUT HIM. YOU DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT HIM, YOUR JUST USING HIM IN YOUR ENTITLEMENT WARS. YOU WERE NEVER ANYWHERE AROUND HIM. I WAS NOT THE ONE WHO PUT A PAYDAY CANDY BAR ON MY KID AND PHOTOGRAPHED HIM, I HAVE TOLD YOU THIS FOR EONS, I WAS NOT, HOWEVER GOING TO RISK HIS CARE BY "ROCKING THE BOAT" AND PULLING RANK WHEN MY SON'S LIFE AND CARE RESTED IN THE HANDS OF THE MALE NURSE THAT TOOK THAT PHOTO AND THE ONE WITH HIS HAND ON MY SON'S CHEST..................................STAY OUT OF THIS ENTIRE THING, I AM WARNING YOU. IF YOU ARE A TEEN AGER LOOKING TO JOIN IN THE ACTION........DONT. YOU HAVE NO LIFE EXPERIENCE WITH WHAT YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO PARTICIPATE IN.........MY SON IS DEAD, LET HIM REST, LET ME GREIVE AND GET OUT OF OUR LIVES SINCE YOU HAD NO INTEREST IN US WHILE HE WAS ALIVE......DO NOT CONTINUE TO TEST ME ON THIS AS I WONT RECOGNIZE AGE, RACE, OR ANY OTHER BOUNDARIES YOU'VE TRIED TO SHIELD YOURSELF WITH. GETTING YOUR TEENAGER INVOLVED IN SOMETHING LIKE THIS IS NOT ONLY GROSSLY OUT OF BOUNDS BUT COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE CONSIDERING YOUR CONTRACTING YOUR KID TO FIGHT YOUR BATTLES FOR YOU....PATHETIC. YOU'VE MADE UP SO MANY THINGS ALREADY, ABOUT ME THAT ARE ONLY FOR YOUR FUCKING GREEDY ASS BENEFIT. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT EXCUSE OF AN EXISTANCE.

Let me guess.......you were told that this was someone else's blog from long ago. Actually, it is my blog from long ago and always has been my blog, but due to all the turbulent stress of being homeless, it remained inactive for awhile since i couldn't remember which of my passwords was connected to it. ( I have created a multitude of blogs, email accounts and passwords throughout the years in order to keep people that were trying to make a buck off me, out of my accounts)..............SO YOU WERE TOLD THAT THIS WAS THE ACCOUNT OF SOME OTHER GIRL THAT I JUST "TOOK OVER"?.......ALSO, THE GIRL THAT YOU WATCHED "COME-ORGASM" LIVE (PRONOUNCED LIIIIVE) WASN'T ME. SHE IS THE GIRL THEY KEEP PASSING OFF AS ME BUT ISN'T ME. SHE IS THE GIRL THAT HAS BEEN GETTING ALL THIS MONEY THROWN AT HER AND SHE IS THE REAL LIVE PROSTITUE THAT HAS BEEN SCREWING EVERYTHING THAT MOVES OVER THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS. ................LET ME REITERATE THAT ONE FOR YOU.......................THE GIRL YOU WATCHED "COME" LIVE, WAS NOT ME (LACI RENEE ISSEL -THE BRUENETTE WITH INVERTED NIPPLES AND A SCAR THAT RUNS THROUGH MY EYEBROW).............YOU WERE FOOLED ONCE AGAIN......i HAVEN'T HAD SEX SINCE THE FIRST QUARTER OF 2012. ........THIS FIASCO IS WHAT THE PREMIER WATCHED AND THOUGHT WAS ME RIGHT AFTER WATCHING HER DOWN GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW MUCH LIQUOR THAT I HAVEN'T CONSUMED A DROP OF SINCE THE FIRST HALF OF 2012---I HAVEN'T DRANK LIQUOR AT ALL SINCE THE FIRST HALF OF 2012.....THE GIRL YOU WERE WATCHING WAS NOT ME, BUT THEY DID TAKE HER WITH THEM THINKING SHE WAS ME.... I AM NOT WRITING IN ALL CAPITOL LETTERS APPOLOGIZING FOR THE CHAOS AND CONFUSION CAUSED BY THESE PEOPLE OR THE WAYS THEY HAVE MISLEAD YOU..............THEY WANTED TO RUIN MY LIFE AND MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME AMONGST WORLD LEADERS, THAT IS WHY ALL THIS HAPPENED.....JEALOUSY TOWARD ME, THE ONE THAT PUT IN ALL THE HARD TIMES THAT ESTABLISHED BEING SURROUNDED BY DISTINGUISHED MEMBERS OF ELITE ORGANIZATIONS OF WHICH I NEVER BRAGGED ABOUT OR MENTIONED FOR THE MOST PART........GROUPS THAT RANGE FROM WORLD LEADERS TO SPECIAL FORCES HERE ON US SOIL......THEY KNEW WHAT I WAS AND SAW AN OPPORTUNITY TO DESTROY ME PIECE BY PIECE UNTIL THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT WHILE GETTING THEIR FAVORITE GIRL IN WITH WHATEVER ORGANIZATION THEY WANTED WITHOUT HER ACTUALLY HAVING TO GO THROUGH ANY OF THE HARDSHIP .....LACI RENEE ISSEL 11/16/12 12:37 PM

I feel like I am fighting a losing battle and just like the song mentions " I forgot what I started fighting for" literally!! as my brain is on its last legs from constant pillaging. They change around results between those of us that are the top contenders to suit their wants or needs or to punish me (since im one of the most intelligent people that has managed to wake up from the matrix) in order to continue to make me bear most of the burdon, work and effort it takes to be me while they credit someone else with what I just spent the last round of months enduring. Basically I never get to reap the benefits of my own efforts, someone else does and they are getting ready to do it to me again. This is only the bazillionth time and im fading fast, my brain is getting irritated (im not speaking as if my brain is another person, I am referring to my brain being "out of juice") and it keeps spacing out where there are large spacial gaps in between recalling of "why did I enter this room again?" or " What was I supposed to remember?". It's been happening all day today which means .... it's been pushed to its limit. And all I cant think about is what it would be like to have someone that loves me, make love to me. (Im not even speaking from a sexual level as much as I am craving a sacred closeness with someone as at this point, there shouldn' t be anymore excuses as to why I am having to "wonder" about it. It should be a reality by now. I mean where are you? I wait for something that never surfaces and one of these days Im going to say ...."forget it!!!!" How long do you think you can string me along to get what you want while providing me with nothing that i want or need. This doesn't mean that I wouldn't wait for someone that i love, it means that Im not a freaken fool.

Laci Renee Issel (the brunette with a scar over her left eyebrow and stretchmarks over the majority of her body from being extrememly obese at one time but now weighs 180lbs) by the way........I dont steal from people, quit threatening my hands as if I had done something I haven't done. Im not taking responsibility for the shit you stole either. I dont know any gang members.

My son...Silus Beau Daly (Pronounced Daily). The best thing that ever happened to me. Unfortunately they have turned him into a competition also. He is deceased now so it will no longer afect him but he loved me, there was no question about that. I'm sorry as a mother and as a humanitarian that the world has been made to believe that my son didn't love me and or that he was someone elses kid. It's only an attempt to re-write history to suit someone's needs but not taking me or my son's feelings into consideration. He knows that I was literally the only person willing to walk through fire for him. How am I sure of that you may ask........He was there (developing in my womb for nine months and one week) while we were forced to walk through fire, everyday without a break. I remember after months of having to be on the go while being homeless and running from stalkers that kept trying to sell him out from underneath me, there was this one day when he was so irritated that we had to run again and he must have felt my adrenaline as he began to kick the crap out of me. We were both so tired as it was a never ending stamina fest to keep him safe and away from vultures. My son rarely kicked during his developement, I think he only kicked three times in my entire pregnancy as most of the time he would just glide around in my womb. But this day, he was furious and I had to talk him down and tell him that although I knew he was tired of the never ending stress levels, that I had to get us out of the place where we were as I was his mother and responsible for taking care of him.....he finally stopped and I guess just accepted that it was going to be another long day. That's how I know my son loved me and that's how I know there was no question in his mind everytime he heard my voice, who his mother was....Me (Laci Renee Issel the brunette), and he gravitated toward me everytime he heard me, he would scoot closer to me, his eyes fixated on mine. He was my everything. We both endured a pregnancy that would have brought even a man to their knees....I was keeping him safe, you were busy trying to make a buck off my kid and put us both through unnecessary drama. You trying to sell a baby that wasn't for sale created that situation. Don't ever, try to include my son in your territory games ever again. Now that he is deceased there really isn't anything keeping me from kicking your ass (even though I, of course, am not a violent person naturally). I'd hate to be the one all the anger comes out on, as all of you know, you've gone too far one to many times already and as of now, your on borrowed time when it comes to you including my kid in your attacks against me.

You seem to be under the impression that after everything else you did to me (tried to kill me for no reason, took away millions of dollars in income that I earned as well as being extremely cruel to me over the last three years based on false accusations that you have recently found out aren't true) that you think I am joining a so-called boot camp for the US Marine core after living like a soldier and fighting for this countries rights for free for the last decade. YOU ARE ON CRACK, AND I AM NOT GOING TO A BOOT CAMP TO SURVIVE EVEN MORE ABUSE THAT IS TOTALLY UNNECESSARY AFTER ALL THAT i HAVE ALREADY LIVED THROUGH. I HATE YOU AND I HAVE BEEN SUPPORTIVE OF THE MILITARY ALL ALONG BUT YOU HAVE BEEN SEPARATING ME FROM MY PEER GROUP FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS AND YOU ARE THE ONE THAT DESERVES THE ELECTRICK CHAIR FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME. ROT IN HELL, i HAVE NEVER BEEN A TERRORIST AND I AM NOT A CRIMINAL

IM ATTEMPTING TO GET MY LIFE BACK TO WHERE IT WAS BEFORE i STARTED TRYING TO HELP AN ENTIRE GLOBE WITH ITS PROBLEMS. YOU FEEL THE NEED TO CONSTANTLY TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING THAT I LOVE AND CARE ABOUT AND GIVE IT TO A FRAUD THAT ISN'T ME AND DIDN'T ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING OF WHAT SHE SAID SHE ACCOMPLISHED. I GET USED BY "THE GENERAL" CONSTANTLY AND HE IS FULL OF HATRED AND A WAR MONGER. MY BRAIN IS ALREADY CLOSE TO FLATLINED FROM A DECADE OF CONSTANT ABUSE AND NEVER WAS I MAKING SOME SORT OF DEAL TO GO TO BOOT CAMP OR JAIL. I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG BUT HAVE BEEN PURSUED AND HARASSED CONSTANTLY FOR A DECADE WHILE YOU LIE SO SEVERELY AS TO NEGATE ME FROM LEGITIMATE OPPORTUNITIES THAT ARE RIGHTFULLY MINE AND THAT i HAVE EARNED THAT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME. GET LOST WITH YOUR INSANE NEED TO MAKE ME SOME SORT OF TROOPER. GET OUT OF MY LIFE.

Photos

These pictures are all of myself and my son. These pictures as usual were misinterpreted. I was never attempting to indicate to have my sons head cut off. Also the scars are prevalent on my pictures. Also the only picture that I took of him that I am posting at the moment was him with the hat on, all other pictures I was in with him and he was not flipping me off, nor was he clenching his fist on his chin directing it toward me, he was looking directly at the camera and channeling toward the person taking the photo. I walked through fire for my son during my pregnancy, having multiple people stalk me from place to place while starving and not having any money, but having to keep going for his sake so that the men that claimed to be his father couldn't access him as I had only had sexual relations twice in two years, him being the result of the second sexual exposure. My son knew I loved him, there was no question of that. The nurse that he was flipping off in the picture was the same male nurse that threw a Payday candy bar on him and took a picture that everyone else thought was me.

I am not a terrorist and am getting tired of you trying to pronounce me as a terrorist in order to take away my own earnings just because you want to sleep with the girl you lied and said was me. Obama knows now that he is attempting to "sweep under the rug" all the things that have happened to me just as Bush did and everyone else did. I've never been a terrorist nor do I plan on being one.

These images are from the Beginning of October (Harvard Sweatshirt) and October 16th, me first thing upon waking on that day. You can see the scar through my eyebrow on both of them. They are of me L.R.Issel

Here's how last night unfolded.....

I have no boyfriend and I am not under the impression that I have a boyfriend. I don't understand why you continue to test me to see if I want someone you are currently with. I do have the right to develop crushes on people the way people develop crushes on someone that may be on TV and or the movies. I am still sexually inactive. This, I am mortified to report. I say mortified not because I am some horny broad but based on the fact that if I haven't had sex that means that there isn't anyone out there that actually wants to be with me, they just lie and say they've been with me and then screw the girl of their choice and then I get accused of coming the next day around everyone that thought it was me getting laid. So basically she get's everything. She gets to become "Harry" for having sex, get's to sleep with a fine as hell man, get's to have the orgasm that I haven't had in seven months now, and then get's to take her place amongst people that I have actually spent the last decade developing connections (without having sex with them) with and then like the bitch she is, sends someone into the store where I am at and tell's me to hitch hike wearing a mens hat (not a baseball cap,a hat with a brim) She tells me to hitch hike based on her coming (orgasming) and trying to force me to leave where Im at based on everyone thinking it was me that came so that she can stay here. Once I get forced into going to another city the cycle starts all over again. I do all the work and everyone thinks she did, she get's paid, I scrape by and have to pay my own expenses while she takes credit for everything about me, and in most cases end up paying for normal things and people have the nerve to start pushing me around and verbally, mentally and sexually abusing me while in stores and other public places. Cashiers sometime's taking it to far when I make a purchase with their snide remarks treating me like trash while never dreaming of treating another person on earth the way they are paid not to treat me but seem to forget that they are employed by a corporation and that I am not their slave....especially when I am purchasing something with my hard earned money. My heart is broken. I didn't do anything to deserve the way I am used and treated like shit everyday. My heart isn't broken over a man, no one will let me even get close enough to one to have an actual heartbreak....I'm just totally sick of how you treat me and how you use me. I've been a mess over the last week and yes I'd love to "move" (in the right sense of the word that is...meaning move to somewhere someone loves me enough to remove me from this kind of harm but I never know what to do and to be truthful I've lost all hope that I'll ever emerge from this nightmare. Im not leaving. Especially when the IP addresses were rearranged as usual to make her look like she was me--at least that's my theory, that last part. This is why I left California---everyone pulled the same shit there to. Said that I was sleeping with all these people and when I was sleeping in a car every night. They also gave her a thousand dollars after sleeping with her and tried to say that she earned it when all she did was reiterate my story of survival as she wasn't the one that was going through the hardship to begin with. I'm so tired of this being my life (the hard parts go to me and the cakewalk goes to her--if I ever eat cake I am not referring to this entry) This Im sure they will say was given to me when all the money they ever said they gave me was given to her. This is not a jealousy thing as I'd rather not be involved and Im technically not except that they casually lie to you and name drop me to make you think all this has happened on my end. Im the one waiting on a reimbursement check from being gauged 1/8 of my monthly income every year, over the last year. And I hear that she wanted this money......hell there's all kinds of things that I have wanted over the last decade, did I ever try to get any of someone else's money? Not ever. I dont want to complain, I just want someone that values me slightly more than a dollar sign ($) I'm so tired of this shit. Excuse me, I'm so upset at the moment and not necessarily over this but you don't seem to understand that I am constantly being used for one thing or another and I feel like i cant handle anymore. I can't deal with the lonliness and despair anymore, I have to go and try to fight back the tears that I wont give you the satisfaction of seeing me cry. F U Laci Renee Issel

Wanted you to see all the different ways i photograph. I look different in every photo but the scar through my eyebrow is still there

I'm thinner now, this picture taken October 2012

This picture was taken on August 24th, 2012 I was outside of Bakersfield Laci Renee Issel

The reason you think I am a bad person

I think what is happening is this. As usual the IP addresses of the computers are being scrambled to make it look as if I am surfing certain sites that Im not surfing. Porn sites, contraversial sites, sites that contain racism, etc... I think this is how people have been facilitating the hatred that they have been directing toward me. The sites that i visit are no where near anything like the above. I dont particular like porn so that's out, I'm not racist, and I've been through so much shit that I dont go out of my way to get contraversial. All I have to say is that if people are telling you that im on these sites, dont beleive them. Even if they are supposedly showing you a screen of what they say is me on the computer (while in motion kind of thing) that if its on things such as the above material that it is another person in another location that they have lied to you and said was me. Let me repeat that to you.....someone that isn't me, from another location, uses the computer to make it appear as if I am surfing sites such as porn, pedifilia, racism, contraversal sites. They re-routed the IP address on the computer to make it appear as if I am on all these sites that Im not on. They spend most of the time blocking me so that everything I write looks like it's coming from another source, another person. Please stop asking me to go home to a home I have never had. It will be awhile before I post again but I thought you should know that I am not what they have made you think I am. I am loving, kind, amazing to have lived through all they have put me through attempting to get me killed so many times, decent and would never hurt someone on purpose, kind to animals....it doesn't really matter though they always get you to beleive what they want you to believe. I dont think I should have to give up using the computer based on people that hate me want to take away something else that keeps me sane.

Im getting tired of being treated like a slave and having my living environment disturbed by all the outrageous powerplays and world domination struggles. I PAID RENT WITH MY OWN MONEY AND THAT ISN'T GROUNDS FOR YOU TO THINK I AM MAKING DEALS BY UTILIZING MY HOME ENVIRONMENT. IT ACTUALLY SHOULD TELL YOU THE EXACT OPPOSITE. YOU DO THIS TO ME EVERYTIME I GET MY OWN LIFE....YOU INCLUDE YOURSELF INTO SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T INCLUDE YOU BY TRYING TO FORCE ME INTO AN ALTERNATE SITUATION. FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS YOU'VE DONE THIS TO ME. IM SICK OF IT. IF YOU LOVE ME THEN GREAT, LET ME HAVE MY OWN LIFE AND REBUILD MYSELF AFTER ALL THE DESTRUCTION YOU'VE CAUSED. If not, then leave me alone. I deserve to have something normal. I slaved away without even anything to go on and in the end you have the nerve to be annoyed by me? You barely care that i made it through alive and most of the time you seem to be trying to punish me further for living through everything you did to me. I LOVED EVERYONE, have some respect. I have done everything known to mankind to prove to you that i loved and cared about you including sacrificing my entire existance for a decade. I never required this of you to love you so if you dont love me then fine, let me cut my losses and make a note to self to never put myself through that again for anyone that hasn't proven they actually deserve my time. Quit messing with my home environment. I am never going to be a criminal for having a place to dwell, pawn that shit off on someone else as it doesn't work with me anymore, you want people to think your a criminal for going to your own place of residence every night.? Im so alone that I wake up petrified from constant and without end abuse both mental and physical. Im tired of being in a constant state of flux so that you can approve of me. I dont give a shit if you approve of me any more, as most of you dont even care that i am a sobbing mess on the inside. You might not see the tears but they've caused a flood on the inside and I just dont have any more room for all of your "nooo's" said in an ultra soft tone while Im out of excuses for you existance in the first place. Can anything just be about me or are you going to continue to attach yourself to everything about me...shit, I've been invisible for a decade, nothing has been about me even when it was supposed to be. I LOVED YOU....ARE YOU UNDERSTANDING THAT i'VE DONE ALL I CAN DO AND YOU STILL HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY "NO" TO ME ABOUT THE MOST MINEWT THINGS THAT ARE SO EASY FOR YOU TO DEAL WITH. LACI RENEE ISSEL 11/13/12 2:06AM

This is an email I sent recently By the way, I dont mean to pry but I have had a similar experience but in the opposite manner. This guy that I would have loved to have been with was told that I wanted to have a sex change operation when no such thing was ever remotely close to being true. These people that keep destroying every possible chance of a normal life for me have gone so far as to tell people things like, Im a nunn, I am a lesbien, I am a criminal, I am a gang member (never in the history of the earth have I ever been even affiliated with a gang), they told people that I am a literal crack addict/drug addict, they have told potential friends and mates that I go around sleeping with people all the time and that I am a hooker, they have told people that I have venerial diseases, then when all that didn't deter someone from wanting to be my friend or wanting to be with me they told people I was a pedifile......None of these things have ever been true but as a result I have not had a boyfriend in eight years. I am a totally normal woman that is attractive and haven't had someone hold me in eight years or make love to me. I've had sex twice in four years due to all of the lies and obviously am all alone. I don't even masterbate anymore due to the constant intrusion and narratives in my life as well as the pedifilia accusations. I dont even know why I haven't killed myself yet. I guess I just keep hoping that someone will talk to me about these things rather than just believe everything they are told. Sincerely, Laci Renee Issel my life is ruined ALSO, THE HELICOPTER THAT WAS JUST HERE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD AT ABOUT 2:45 AM WAS CIRCLING AROUND THE WRONG HOUSE, AT LEAST THAT IS MY SUSPICION. MY GUESS IS THAT YOU WERE TRYING TO FIND THE PERSON WITH THE IP ADDRESS THAT YOU WERE ROUTED TO. YOU WERE IN THE RIGHT NEIGHBORHOOD, BUT ON THE WRONG STREET. i AM ONE STREET OVER FROM WHERE YOU WERE. ALTHOUGH IT COULD BE THAT YOU CIRCLED THE STREET i AM ON (i HEARD YOU ABOVE MY ROOM) AND THEN STARTED FLYING ABOVE THE OTHER HOUSE/STREET BEFORE YOU EVENTUALLY FLEW OFF TOWARD THE SMITHS AND THE ARCO STATION. THEY SCRAMBLE THE IP ADDRESSES ALL THE TIME SO THAT YOU ALWAYS THINK SOMEONE ELSE IS ME. THAT'S GREAT IF i HAVE ANOTHER GROUP OF PEOPLE TRYING TO KILL ME, BUT NOT SO GREAT IF YOU ARE ACTUALLY TRYING TO HELP ME AND END UP HELPING THE WRONG PERSON BASED ON THE IP ADDRESS BEING SCRAMBLED TO ANOTHER LOCATION, AS THE PEOPLE THAT i HAVE BEEN PLAGUED WITH HAVE NO CONSCIENCE AND WONT HESITATE TO MAKE THEMSELVES APPEAR WORTHY OF WHATEVER IT IS YOUR OFFERING WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING TO PUT IN THE TIME AND ENERGY OR ACTUALLY GO THROUGH REAL LIFE STRUGGLE. mY GUESS IS THAT THERE IS ANOTHER PERSON IN THE SAME NEIGHBORHOOD THAT THEY ARE PLANNING ON PASSING OFF AS ME WHICH WOULD AS USUAL NEGATE ME FROM GETTING ANY HELP WHICH IS WHAT THEY'VE BEEN DOING TO ME ALL THESE YEARS. i'VE MADE PEOPLE RICH AND CREATED SMALL FORTUNES FOR SOME OF THESE PEOPLE SIMPLY BY YOU THINKING SOMEONE ELSE IS ME ALL THE TIME. THEY KEEP ME HIDDEN SO THAT THEY CAN KEEP CONTROL OVER ME AND THEN YOU END UP EXHAULTING COMPLETE FRUADS THINKING THEY WERE THE ONES THAT WENT THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH. iM NOT TRYING TO BE EXHAULTED , IM JUST TIRED AND RUNNING OUT OF HOPE THAT THINGS WILL EVER CHANGE. YOU JUST KEEP giving in to IT , AND THERE IS NOTHING i CAN DO TO HELP YOU since no one seems to believe me. MAYBE ONE DAY IT WILL WORK OUT BEFORE i GIVE UP COMPLETELY. BY THE WAY, I AM NOT WRITING IN ALL CAPITOL LETTERS APPOLOGIZING FOR MASS CHAOS AND HARM CAUSED BY ME AS i HAVE NEVER DONE SOMETHING TO HARM SOMEONE ON PURPOSE. THE HARM AND CHAOS WAS CAUSED BY THE PEOPLE THAT SPREAD AROUND WRONG INFORMATION ABOUT ME WHILE MISINTERPRETING MY AUTISTIC MIND AND NOTEBOOKS. i WAS ONLY WRITING IN CODE TRYING TO AVOID WRONG INFO GETTING OUT SINCE I'VE HAD MY THINGS STOLEN BEFORE. Laci Renee Issel 11/13/12 3:03am

Could you get a grip.....

By the way, no one gave me money. I paid rent with my ssdi. Im tired of everyone lying saying that they are giving me money when no one is giving me money. You keep "excusing" this so called money that everyone says that I am being given by saying that it was a "gift" how would you feel if everyone was constantly making it appear as if you were being showered with "gifts" when no one ever gives you anything ever without total effort and hardship. I dont care if you think I am wrong for this, but I never get anything of value from anyone ever. Never, ever, ever, ever as I practically have to bleed to death to get what little I do have. Im sick of this shit where you say your giving me things making others believe some other form of reality other than what has been prevalent all along. No one gives me anything....ever....get it through your head. Im sorry but Uh is going to have to offer me a different method of caring for Kendall other than always lying to people telling them that Im being given money that could alter my immeadiate situation as everyone is always left wondering why Im sedentary

This is a copy of an email that corresponded between me and a potential employer last night at around 7pm after he reviewed the resume that I had sent him (resume that included CrossCheck Inc., as well as Pack Rats which was the brainchild of me and my former best friend -a yard sale consignment business that included our candlemaking but that was in no way a reference to people losing their eyes....cant believe I would even have to say that.

Laci Issel thoughtprocessesofmyown@gmail.com Nov 11 (1 day ago) to mspratter I realize that the best way to apply for this job is probably not to tell you the following information, but I have always believed in being truthful, so here goes....... I technically have no degree. Not even a BA. I do however have an incredible ability to research and find the information that may be required no matter what the situation. I am capable of many things most would believe would be beyond my reach and I credit that to my parents. They both raised me to handle whatever situation may arise in front of me. I have been not only a pioneer but I have been an asset to almost everyone I have ever known and I dont say that to be self absorbed or haughty. I just happen to know what I'm worth even if the world was told the exact opposite. They alter facts to get what they want and sometimes I wish I could function on that level but truthfully I could never function that way as it isn't my nature. I was meant to be what I am and I take great pride in telling you that I attended Empire College in Santa Rosa, CA only to abandon the course half way through. The reason.....the numbers didn't make sense. I was paying $84 for textbooks that told me exactly how far, in inches, to place my stapler from my phone on what would be a desk that I would eventually sit in working for a CEO. It was then that I decided that the numbers weren't making sense (the amount of money that I was paying for this education wasn't balancing with the quality of education I was receiving). This is the only college level education I have due to an extremely turbulent loss of both my parents (on a physical and emotional level as both moved away separately and left me to fend for myself) and having to wing it in a world that wasn't accepting of a girl that had her own goals and aspirations. This is as much detail that I can give you. You are welcome to read my profile on LinkedIn (Laci Renee Issel). On that site, I go into detail about another form of education that I deserve a Masters in and it shows some of my personality. The point is....I can do the job. I am hoping that you see it that way also. Sincerely and Greatfully yours, Laci Renee Issel Michael Pratter mspratter@ Nov 11 (1 day ago) to me You certainly write well. Thus, I won't hold degree against you. Let's start somewhere else. You have a strong personality yet respectful. Send me the linked in profile. Also I want to ask you up front I assume no mental disability or criminal history. If these exist they are game changers. As well I'm going to need some references I can check. Do you have any problem with a trial period and part time work? Via Mobile Michael S.Pratter Global Capital Financial Advisors Inc. 1771 East Flamingo Road

Tidbits of Info from the true and accuate source

I guess my exhaustion has led the FBI to believe that I somehow don't care about them as they plan on riding off into the sunset with a girl that isn't me. I've been through hell over the last decade and you'd think that they would understand that I have done all I can do for everyone involved but I think the main point is this.....NO ONE EVER HAD ANY INTENTION OF HELPING ME, FBI OR OTHERWISE, I WAS JUST BEING USED TO GIVE YOU YET ANOTHER PERSON TO BOW TO. HERE IS A COPY OF AN EMAIL i SENT TO MY OLD CO-WORKER LAST NIGHT AS AM UTTERLY WORN OUT FROM BEING SABOTAGED I would love to be around you or Vince, or Shaun Siler, or my ex Jacob, or Bryce or SOMEONE that I consider remotely normal. I have been MISERABLE for the sake of mankind (which by the way is totally overrated) for so long around all these martyr people that I feel like I want to just combust. Also I have this girl in my life that is literally stealing my life from right out from underneath me. I'd be surprised if you haven't hung out with her recently as it seems everyone else has. And here's the clincher.....Im such a computer addict that I guess they are saying that whoever uses the computer is the bad guy. (Completely preposterous to ask of me when I have had no outlet of anykind while dealing with her fucking aquisition of my every breath. I don't drink, smoke, have sex, have a vehicle to drive away in (I had to leave it in southern California after the water pump and radiator developed a gargantuan leak totalling $575 for a vehicle worth $800), i don't have a way to deal with the constant bombardment of crazy, overzealous (not referring to Tom Cruise) people that are trying to get even with me for the fraud she has committed in MY LIFE. I have strangers trying to punish me for being myself based on the fact that she has taken over my entire existance, made herself a star and hangs out with all my old friends. They've even paid people from my high school to say that they went to school with her and she's much younger than me so how come this situation isn't obvious. Anyway, how are you? I miss normal goal oriented people that aren't trying to put me on trial for everything (they are over analyzing even my photos Ryan, pictures I've taken over the span of my life and to be honest most of them are just me posing but they have taken it to a whole new level. They even misinterpreted pics of my son that died. The didn't even know that the pics were him looking at the actual camera and channeling his actions toward the person taking the photo. some of these people are so dumb that do this "judging" thing. I want to cringe just thinking about it. They want the income i've amassed over the last decade. Millions of dollars they are fighting over that had nothing to do with any of them but they think they have the right to gaffel from me. Even the president is in on the conspiracy, I've been screwed over by everyone on earth when all I wanted was to have a family and build our own mini-empire (me and my nonexistant man that no one will let me have, and me and my nonexistant child that no one will let me have, me and my non existant friends that no one will let me have) And because of these greedy aweful people I have lost all ability to believe that anyone is genuine toward me at all. I don't believe anyone anymore, and that is the lonliest place on earth. People have found out they can just use me to get what they dont want to have to work toward or for themselves. Then their friends use me, then their friends relatives use me and pretty soon the whole fucking planet uses me to get ahead and when they get what they want they just fucking dump me right where they sqeezed the last drop of drive I had left to use for myself. Hope all is well with you. Love Laci I'm not implying you have to love me (we all know that is waaaaay to much to ask of anyone) Have a great day and Ryan Hanlon 7:10 AM (12 hours ago) to me Hi Laci, I read your email and, wow, it sounds like you sure have been thru a lot of really tough stuff. I'm truly sorry that you're in so much pain, it just oozes out of your writings. I don't dispense advice to others because its none of my business how they run their life, but I feel compelled to share a couple thoughts that came to mind. I guess, for me, if I was in a really tough place, I would be looking out to healthy resources in my local community which could provide compassion, support and community. That could be friends who are healthy, not toxic, it could be something like a support group or a community focused church. The other thing I'll say is this. If YOU created things of value that others are stealing, and you can't win that battle, start over. People can't take your innate ability to create, only your product that you've created. At 34, I've had some measure of success, but I've had to start over either portions or all of my life several times. I hope you can find some good local resources, because life is too hard to go thru it alone. All the best, Ryan Sent from my iPhone, please forgive any typos! thank your stars that your not me! BY THE WAY.......THE VERY GROUP OF PEOPLE IS EXTREMELY HARSH, RUDE, AND BEYOND UNKIND TO ME MAKING THINGS UP AS THEY GO ALONG WHILE THEY KNOW DAMN WELL THAT I HAVE BEEN TRUTHFUL. THEY ARE USING ME AS A SCAPEGOAT FOR SOMEONE'S MURDER AND OBVIOUSLY NEED PEOPLE TO BELEIVE SUCH THINGS AS THEY THEMSELVES HAVE SPENT A GREATER PORTION OF EVERYONE'S TIME THROWING IN FRONT OF YOU A COMPLETE FRAUD. ALSO THERE WERE PLANS TO IMPREGNATE ME AND THEN MAKE YOU THINK ONCE AGAIN THAT I WAS SOME SORT OF SURROGATE FOR SOME OTHER COUPLE'S BABY. MEANING THEY INTENDED ON TAKING AWAY MY FLESH AND BLOOD CHILD THE WAY THE TRIED TO WITH MY SON SILUS HENCE THE FALSE ALLEGATIONS OF ABUSE AND WHAT THEY SAID WAS AN ATTEMPT TO REMOVE TUBING FROM HIS MOUTH. BACK THEN I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THEY HAD BEEN LYING TO PEOPLE TELLING THEM I WAS ONLY A SURROGATE TO MY SON.

Something from my womanly heart and directed to all those that continue to discount me ....it's difficult to read as even though I paragraphed everything in a decent manner the site posted it all together but read through it and its how I feel. There is a better more readable version posted on both www.quallychalet.tumblr.com (I didn't post the pictures of strangers on the right side of that blog under the thumbnail icon as in the lady who's backside is showing) as well as www.serenabeanfeld.blogspot.com (my newer site)

I can't believe I have had access to this account all along but that I didn't remember that this email was attached to it. Anyway I am being blackmailed by an evil person that wants my life and her supporters are wanting me to go to jail for the fraud she's committed in my life. They are as usual threatening my livlihood (income) if she doesn't get her way. The truth is that I am at the point where I totally don't care anymore but am aching for someone to just remove me from all the harm and love me. I don't know what its like to be loved. I've felt the cold from the concrete for so long now. Like metal or steel that has been flash frozen and the unbearable way the frost penetrates the seat of my pants while sitting on it. Sitting from sheer exhaustion. To exhausted mentally to find a reason to stand as there isn't one. Either that or that is the illusion they have created for me. I am forced to get up though as the freeze becomes intolerable for my backside. And as usual ponder what it would be like to have the warmth of a home-cooked meal and the irreplaceable smell of a small cottage designed for two. Emerging through the snow through the doorway of the most sacred place on earth. From the snow I emerge and pass through the doorway to the most sacred place on earth. The place where the most handsome man on earth is building a fire in the fireplace and the smell of the smoke against the cold air when it first starts like in the olden days. A smell I haven't smelled since early childhood and that I didn't know I missed until today. Gazing at him my mouth parts itself without warning to me and I'll be exposed if he sees me. It's this place that I crave. I'm right where I want to be, my soul making it's way out into the open. The soul of a woman that has been denied every pleasure known to mankind. He's got the most enamouring grin. Fully equipped with a dimple, inviting me closer as I am still stuck on stupid at the door. Internally I want him so bad I can hardly cognate. I'm just dumbfounded while the light from his smile and the fireplace behind him illuminate in my direction. He's strong and I wonder what it would be like if he picked me up and carried me away physically as he has already carried me away mentally. I just want him to touch me....wait, that's a lie....I want to be loved and this is how I imagine the man that falls totally in love with me. I'm so tired of being touched by people that don't have an ounce of concern for me. The confines of our cottage cozy with temperatures rising from the heat source...him. The smell of smoke, florals, aromas of comfort food and the nip of cold air that i can feel at the tip of my nose. I haven't been held in what feels like a millenium and to my knowledge i haven't been made love to ever as I have always been regarded as property and money to the men I have adored and loved the most. There might have been a couple times as it is difficult to not love me and or fall for me. He stands in front of me and beg of him mentally to not say anything at all and just hold me, kiss me on my head and to not let go as I am so weary and completely devoid of any other purpose on this earth other than to feel love....all other purposes have been fulfilled both on my end and missions for the world. Mental, physical, emotional, sexual love between two people that you couldn't pry apart with the jaws of life kind of love. Just for awhile to know what it feels like to be submersed in each other with no boundaries as there is total trust. He would never hurt me, and I would never use or play him. This kind of love has been absent almost my entire life. I've had few exposures...John being the closest but still so far away from a total trusted bond. Seems like it wont ever happen, like the closest I can get is to kill myself and hope to start over in another rehlm or in another life and either way its more waiting.....waiting for something that seems as if it will never happen....waiting while I grow old and unattractive....waiting while my old friends are raising families, having sex and going to get togethers with each other.....waiting as my youth passes me by and I live in one of the most inhumane rehlms known to mankind...The rehlm where threats and strong arming is prevalent the majority of the time and a rehlm that is total opposite of anything that is of my soul. Can't you just make love to me, I've grown tired of people hurting me. They never stop hurting or threatening me. My friends all have been made love to without you ever expecting them to be starved of affection, gratitude and tenderness. I have done all of this, gone through all of this and yet you still love those that wouldn't have ever braved the prison I've been forced to roam within. You always love them and although I understand the physical attractiveness thing, I'll never understand you falling in love with women that don't know the meaning of the word as they would never subject themselves, for you, to the kinds of horrors I've endured. Why is it you rely on me so heavily yet offer nothing to keep me going? I go months at a time with no sexual function at all, not even permitted without intrusion or humiliation the option of brushing lightly over my own feminity. I am humiliated with people offering me sex toys rather than the option of a real man. Sex toys? Why, I am a halfway attractive woman with the ability to find someone that would be with me sexually but just as you do, these other people use me as property to ensure their own safety as they keep having children that they threaten me with celibacy for. This....all this... for years at a time while I am literally the reason you have what you have and I cant get you to release me from this pathetic excuse of an existance now that you have amassed power and fortunes thanks to my brain and my will power. So many of you have found the value in me and the secret has been let out....just as the secret of the Fountain of Youth was only meant for a chosen few as otherwise the fountain would obviously be in danger of drying up, such as what has happened with me. Too many people have been permitted to abuse the priviledge and now its a free for all with no one taking care of the one reason they have what they have had.......ME (Laci Renee Issel) and no, I am not referring to the blonde that you have passed off to the world as me but I am referring to myself, brunette with the inverted nipples,the diagonal scar that runs through my eyebrow and the orange around my pupil Laci Renee Issel. (By the way even if you were to undergo surgery to place a scar on this other "version" of me (the other brunette that looks like Sandra Bullock and my mother) There is no way you can give her so many of the other markings that are prevalent on my body (fungied tonails, inverted nipples, hair that is worn and whethered and thinning from stress, and stretchmarks on upper arms, torso and inside thigh or the beginnings of hairlike capillaries that are rising to the surface on my legs as i am unsure of whether or not these are varicose veins.) Why would you have the fruad have a surgery to create a scar rather than just acknowledge the real life version of events? I am sickened by how far you'll go to make a below average woman appear deserving of the life that I created for myself and you. I am sickened at your lack of overall decency as not once has there been something in it for me as you shower this other person with the fruits of my labor....and I know that she isn't some sort of actual real life Joan of Arc as some of us women have had to be, as how hard is it to have everything handed to you while a false reality is created that makes you look as if you are some sort of amazing, incredible person that you aren't, and obviously could never be but your pretty and that's good enough to sway an entire world population into believing in a total lie? (nothing against pretty people but the intelligent persons out there I'm sure will understand what I am speaking of.) I'm not even alotted the luxery of anything being my own. Everything about me is constantly assigned to someone else. Every object in my possesion fought over the moment I spend my income on it as if it were ever up for "auction" to begin with. Every word I utter is granted to another as if it came out of their mouths when they couldn't possibly even think like me. Every step I take credited to a person incapable of saving their own lives let alone the lives of anyone else as they are too busy trying to find others to do their own work (I am not referring to a necessary delegation of duties such as within a Corporation, Military or Monarchy). Some person out there that has never paid their dues in their own lives let alone the kind of dues paid to function within the relhms they wish to be a part of , taking credit for everything about me. And now this person that everyone thinks is the one that went through my hardships just granted permission to skip that entire process of paying dues and assume my life's story instead, which has one adverse affect other than the world accepting a fictional character over the real thing......they expect that I should have to go through it again. I barely lived through the last ten years as I was shaking hands with death on so many occasions and not through fault of my own but as a result of being left out there to fend for myself and fend off aweful people that got paid to hurt me. I'm exhausted. This isn't a question of whether or not I would sacrifice or put myself in harms way as I have lived through a trecherous time period of a decade. This is about the fact that I wont live through another time period of the same. Laci Renee Issel The real one the brunette with inverted nipples, fungied toenails, varicose veins or bursted capillaries, orange around my pupil, and still Im not good enough for anyone after accomplishing all these things. I found out somethings that have not only hurt me (the president actually both presidencies) but that I haven't gotten around to getting over yet...it's only been a week.

My son and Me (Laci Renee Issel) The one with the clefted chin, inverted nipples, fungied toenails, orange around my pupils, and stretch marks over a large portion of my body from weight gain and drastic weight loss throughout the years. Does this describe the girl they've been saying was me all along throughout the years, this description? The pictures of me were taken within the last month with the exception of the aqua hoodie which was taken in August of 2012. These are all recent pictures. They lied to you.

This is a picture of my son after heart surgery in 2009. Yes, this picture is on Facebook on my account under my processesofelimination@gmail.com email address as it is my account all images are mine and this is my son. Some of my son's original pictures were stolen from me and or not returned to me when I had to leave some of my stuff behind. His name was Silus and he was my biological son I was not a surrogate, and he meant the world to me. 11/12/12 6:19 pm Laci Renee Issel the one that looks like the picture of the girl on this post

Notice that I have orange around my pupils and also that I have a scar that runs diagonally through my Left Eyebrow. Here's another picture of me that looks an aweful lot like his picture, notice the cleft chin on my photos. I dont know if his clefted chin is noticable on this particular photo.

And finally, the picture of me posted on LinkedIn that also shows the diagonal scar through my left eyebrow.