They are tracing my phone calls to everyone trying to find out all the possible places I might go. They are using me to promote some other girl that is using my name, my story, my life as a means to propel herself forward and keeping me in some sick little community that is taking control over everything.
She must have an id that says that she's me, its the only way that she is able to become me. She has met with news stations, and now the FBI. My calls to the FBI are total bogus they are just gathering info on me to track me and its not government that is tracking me. Its paramilitary. Now they think that they are going to cut the baby out of me. Who are these sick people? Why do they think that they have some right to me or my child. My supposed duty agent is really working for "B" and they will have some real agent meet with B to say that they are me and again credit for my life will be given to someone else, again she will receive the protection that i should have had long ago. Its like they are squeezing me out of my own life. Nothing matters anymore. NO dumb rules. Another dumb ass girl that they are coaching and trying to tell is me. How many girls is this now? This is like the umpteenth one. Now they think that they are going to use my story to cash in on my writing and get another girl relocated. They think that they are here to conquor all my associations, people that I have known my whole life. Its like the Net. They think that they have some claim to them based on my slightest of actions.
This is definitely Dan. And all credit is going to Tara. There is a total decoy in the WPP now. Holy shit. Everything that I accomplish they just hand to Tara or B (same person?) Now we have Bare in on it to. Another lazy ass, that doesn't want to go through the 6 years of hell but will take credit for all my suffering. Oh well, Im tired of thinking anyone normal will ever help me.
None of these people are normal either. They all dont find a problem with dismantling someones life to help some girl that has no business being relocated, probably fate was designed to keep her here but because they have latched onto me they now think that they can just get all their corrupt people in. That is why there arent certain people in government. They weren't preordained to be in that sort of position and they dont have the brain for it. There are groups of people that were meant for certain things and now what is happening is a total breakdown of the whole system, fate is being altered by these moronic people that dont even know the first thing about impersonating an FBI agent. They are truly dumb. I could tell in the first 5 minutes that the man was rediculous, but was just hoping that maybe his lack of expertise and experience was because he was knew. No chance, total fake and doesn't know the first thing about what he's trying to impersonate.
They all want to get themselves in, but dont have the intelligence level to maintain whatever they get into. Its scary, a bunch of people following a bunch of people that dont know shit about what they are talking about. None of them with the experience it takes to make an educated decision. They really think that they can just bully their way in there and that they will be able to hold up the frame of the government.
They use me and then treat me like shit. I have dumb ass women telling me that Im not allowed to work, they are so fucking ignorant, these people, watching them function is painful. Its like all the smart people left and there are a bunch of morons thinking that they are running things now.
My head is constantly fucked with while they use me for her purposes and if Dan is behind all this he has now created the dumbest fucking army I have ever seen. And people are following him to, they are afraid and think that he will somehow save them. He only plans on saving himself, that's what this whole thing has been all about the entire time....His game, his wants. He wanted Tara in on everything so he scared everyone into hopping on his bandwagon and now he now takes credit for the dumbest part of the populus. Its the only portion he can control I guess. Anyone with a brain could see that he's just another Hitler. And those that dont care are killing every normal person and creating a different sort of earth, those with money. When you have an income source like that it doesn't matter what happens beneth you, nothing touches you. So I guess it doesn't matter to them if hundreds of innocent people die.
The whole thing is totally scary. Crooks work in all government services and Im not just talking about senators from prep and ivy league schools that fool around once in a while, Im talking about morons that killed their competition and now have an ID that says they are legit. This isn't even shadow government, I dont think, this is just the paramilitary, no one that educated or bright. A bullying entity that wants to own every portion of everything while preaching how "okay" someone is. Dumb, so fucking dumb. They dont know the first thing about business hence why the economy is fucked. They dont know how to foster relationships without threats which is why they have all the wrong people that have signed up to further their cause to begin with. Its like a bunch of cave men going global. They try to get ahead by limiting your thinking and putting you in their "box" where you cant breath enough to be creative to keep things like the economy going (innovation alone the only reason that anything prospers and thrives) They are all like the UN side of things also, everything is just or not just and one day they are going to realize that they "justly" (according to them, and no one else that is sane) killed everyone that could have helped them. This isn't even like what happened to Iran, where Iran wanted to have their own democratic government. Iran was their country, they had the right to do with it what ever they wanted. No one should have been able to go in there and affect them they way they did--I myself can relate to that. BUT.......this is the United States of America, freedom and equality for all and now the same thing is happening here in the states that began happening in Iran. Foreign entities, taking over everything and trying to turn this country into something that it was never meant to be. That is what is scary, no one has the education and my uncle is another buffooned moron that is trying to lead the way, even he has a lack of experience just because of how his mind works. He's closed off to everything that doesn't benefit him.
Thats why they want my notebooks, because when I write on the computer they have access to all my information immediately, but with me writing somewhere else they have to be nice to me to find out things. I dont need someone that is trying to destroy me to be nice to me. Thanks but no thanks DAn you piece of shit. Get your own brain and information. Now People think Tara is a genious---nothing against her personally but I want to throw up, she has no business anywhere near where shes at and that isn't to be mean its just fact. She doesn't have the experience or knowledge and definintely hasn't had first hand experience with some of the groups of people that she is now associated with. She's functioning off me and blindly. Some things require experience and actual knowledge not just reading someones blog site. Not just that but what about the fact that I am 9 FUCKING MONTHS PREGNANT AND YOU STILL THINK THAT EVERYTHING IS ON YOUR FUCKING TIMELINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU TRY WHAT IM UP AGAINST WITH A PREGNANCY AND THEN YOU CAN OFFER MY LIFE TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER WHEN YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY CONQUORED MY AFFLICTIONS. Sometimes I just get tired of taking all your fucking abuse. I should have been extracted from this YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is all you get, forever.
Ya and dont worry I saw when I logged on my blog in a different font that was previously directed at your site.
No I dont believe in organ extraction but its looking to me like thats what these assholes have intended for me and my baby. Im sick to death of being set up to take a fall for whatever the fuck everyone wants off the hook for. Pathetic to blame a girl that has fought like hell for every morsel of anything that has come her way, GET A FUCKING BACKBONE AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR NEED TO USE SOMEONE AS A SCAPEGOAT, QUIT TRYING TO HURT ME AND MY SON--IVE DONE NOTHING WRONG AND i AM NOT PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER 1. TIRED OF YOUR LAZY ASS EXPECTING FROM ME WHAT YOU WONT EVEN DO FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE. IM TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i SHOULD BE ON A FUCKING HELICOPTER RIGHT NOW ON MY WAY TO MY NEW LOCATION AND LIFE, FULLY PROTECTED BY THE US GOVERNMENT, INSTEAD OF COMPETING ON FOOT FOR A POSITION WITHIN THE GOVERNMENT THAT YOU'LL SET ME UP FOR FAILURE ON AND CALL ME "COOL" FOR AT THE LAST MINUTE.
I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE NO FUCKING INTENTION OF EVER COMPENSATING ME IN A DECENT WAY FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN AND COST ME IN THIS LIFE, IM NOT STUPID. YOU JUST KEEP DANGLING THE FUCKING CARROT OUT THERE GETTING MY HOPES UP FOR EXTRACTION WHILE YOU FUCKING MILK ME FOR ALL THAT IVE GOT. You keep trying to make it look like I am against the government so that you can continue to abuse me and my son, your endangering a child and on a global level by involving both of us in your game and trying to rile people up telling them that I am against their country, u have no regard for this kid what so ever if you did you would do whats right. GO FUCK YOURSELF! (THAT LAST COMMENT IS ON BEHALF OF MY SON, WHOM YOU ALMOST KILLED OVER THE LAST 9 MONTHS, HE DOESN'T APPRECIATE IT AND TOLD ME TO TELL YOU PERSONALLY AS YOU TELL THE WORLD THAT HE WANTS YOU TO BE HIS PARENT, THAT YOU ARE A LYING PIECE OF SHIT BECAUSE EVEN AS AN INFANT HE IS SMARTER THAN TO GO WITH THE SAME PERSON THAT ALMOST KILLED HIM THROUGHOUT HIS DEVELOPEMENT, HE SAID ALSO TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE LIKE THE CONARTIST TAILOR IN THE FABLE "THE EMPORORS NEW CLOTHES" YOUR TRYING TO TELL EVERYONE THAT YOU CAN HEAR MY BABY'S THOUGHTS---YOUR A FUCKING LYER. YOUR TRYING TO KILL HIS MOTHER..... AND MY SON, HE DOESN'T DIG THAT!!!!!!!! He is.................NOT A FAKE LIKE YOU. no im not sorry, and no im not being "okay" by saying that, i have my own mind and why the fuck would i be sorry for your need to abuse an innocent woman and her child.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Why does spending the night at someones house change the whole course of history? Im not on a certain side because I needed a place to go, nor am I a
lyer. Im very pregnant and just wish that I could be afforded certain allowances sometimes. I was as strong as I could have been yesterday and last night. There was no way I could have continued any farther.
Met this really nice asian woman yesterday that was so kind to me and now I worry that by staying at this mans house I might have done the wrong thing, but what could I have done, I was on my last legs and I have a feeling that this man and his associations are using me to get close to everyone that was ever in my life. Its like they try to "conquor" everything that was originally was privvy only to me and in my life. I hate being used to conquor my own associations.
Also these people are lying trying to say that I sexually abused someone when I was sixteen. I quit playing Doctor at 11 and at 16 I was working full time at KFC and paying rent because I was on my own. They are lying.
Not only that they are probably lying and saying that the father of my baby is of a different age to just to make me look bad, but thats all it is --- lies.
And to think suddenly I am guilty or not guilty of something major based on what house I spend the night at. If I would have known that I would have gone somewhere else. Now suddenly I am public enemy and the person that did this to me has prospered and been let off the hook once again. The "B" group never stops trying to ruin my life. Its like a national pasttime for them, they know that they are lying but dont even care as long as they are accomplishing their goals.
Met this really nice asian woman yesterday that was so kind to me and now I worry that by staying at this mans house I might have done the wrong thing, but what could I have done, I was on my last legs and I have a feeling that this man and his associations are using me to get close to everyone that was ever in my life. Its like they try to "conquor" everything that was originally was privvy only to me and in my life. I hate being used to conquor my own associations.
Also these people are lying trying to say that I sexually abused someone when I was sixteen. I quit playing Doctor at 11 and at 16 I was working full time at KFC and paying rent because I was on my own. They are lying.
Not only that they are probably lying and saying that the father of my baby is of a different age to just to make me look bad, but thats all it is --- lies.
And to think suddenly I am guilty or not guilty of something major based on what house I spend the night at. If I would have known that I would have gone somewhere else. Now suddenly I am public enemy and the person that did this to me has prospered and been let off the hook once again. The "B" group never stops trying to ruin my life. Its like a national pasttime for them, they know that they are lying but dont even care as long as they are accomplishing their goals.
These people have gone to far
I have people telling me to get a job when I am 2 weeks away from my due date and about to give birth. Greg Franklin wont stop harassing me, not to mention a Sherriff that has broken every law on the planet to follow me across the country (stalking me) from Alabama named Sherriff Flowers.
Flowers has falsely accused me of some random crime and him and his posse are trying to make "deals" with someone to try and get himself off the hook for what he allowed to happen to me in Alabama.
I was arrested for nothing and held in jail while corrections officers told me that the other inmates (full on criminals) were allowed to do what ever they wanted to me because rumor had it that I was some sort of whore. They proceeded to allow these people to beat the crap out of me with no intervention what so ever, video taped it and it is now on you tube. They now want me to go to jail to cover up what they did to me and take away any responsibility for their illegal activity of assault, false imprisonment, and taking and showing video footage without consent. They are now here in Sonoma County.
Lovely, my home town invaded by a bunch of dirty fucking scum that has no right to have any access to me what so ever considering I have been telling the truth the entire time.
I must reiterate here that I have been falsely accused of being a sex offender when i have only had sex twice in 3 years with full grown adults, accused of murder (again for a crime I have no knowledge of) and accused of theft so they can try to arrest me to clear their own bad names and get themselves off the hook. None of these things happened.
I keep calling the DA"S office begging for help with all the stalking but it is really starting to feel with the lack of protection and foreign entities trying to make it look like I am crazy for reporting the extensive and without end stalking and harassment that I am enduring that Im stuck dealing with large groups of dirty cops and gangsters running my life on the streets. I guess you only get protection if you have money. These stalking fucks are trying to get me committed so that they can have access to my child. So they go around terrorizing me and threatening me all day until I lose my temper and then I look like a crazy lady.
Im pregnant and cant handle all the stress of not being able to go to a shelter(because they are there), having no sanity on the streets because of their constant presence and trying to deal with a baby kicking me and everyone thinking that they have the right to try and control the life of an innocent girl that didn't invite them into her life.
I haven't been allowed normal civil rights because of a bunch of criminals that have terrorized me, Im being systematically killed outside while they play their game and use me as their "race car" as they put it.
I have a gangster named "Chewy" a two bit piece of shit named Paul (alias of guitar hero), two different sherriffs departments following me around demanding jail time to make themselves look good (get themselves off the hook for the senseless beatings that I took, and no, I wasn't resisting arrest-thats just what they tell you to try to justify their treatment of how they treat anyone they consider a "whore" (it shouldn't matter in the first place but Ill say it again...Ive had intercourse twice in 3 years). Greg Franklin, stalking me, Bobby Sorry using me to make himself famous and as his "race car", My uncle ED accusing me of various strange things based on my geographic location and all but ED has now moved to my county, where I grew up and the only place that was supposed to be my safeplace in all of the united states. Not to mention at least 5 different celebrities that have developed a cruel facination with my suffering and have taken turns threatening me if I dont give the baby up for adoption--they think they have the right to come in and take someones baby that doesn't belong to them because they have money. They legally cant do it and that is why the constant abuse so that I look crazy and they can try and get me committed.
Baby is NOT UP FOR ADOPTION, AND WHEN i AM ABLE TO PROVE WHAT THESE PEOPLE HAVE DONE TO US DURING MY PREGNANCY THEY CAN ALL TAKE TURNS PAYING FOR MY SONS COLLEGE FUND. WHILE IN MY CUSTODY (I WAS THE ONLY PERSON THAT DIDN'T TREAT HIM LIKE A GAME OR PROPERTY NOT TO MENTION THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT HIS SAFETY WHILE I HAD TO CONTINUE RUNNING FROM THESE DISHONEST CRUEL INTENTIONED PEOPLE THAT HAD ABSOLUTELY NO REGARD FOR HIS DEVELOPEMENT THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THIS PREGNANCY) MY SON IS NOT A TOY TO BE WON AT THE FAIR, HE WAS A LIVING BREATHING PERSON FROM THE BEGINNING TO ME AND TO YOU HE WAS SOME SORT OF MEAL TICKET GAME THAT YOU PLAYED. I WAS NOT ALLOWED NOURISHMENT MOST OF THE PREGNANCY AS A CRUEL FOR OF SLAVERY CONTROL AND YOU ARE NOT POPPING IN THE PICTURE 9 MONTHS AFTER THE DURATION OF THIS TREATMENT AND DEMANDING A BABY.
It sure feels like the truth is no one every had any intention of allowing me to thrive and prosper. Hence all my income and accomplishments stolen and handed over to someone they used me for. It never ends.
Some of these people so selfish that they expect that with no home and no place to retreat to during constant attacks, 9 months pregnant and malnourished and eating out of cans If Im lucky, Im now supposed to worry about someones hands (which of course I worry about) but am rendered unable to make a difference in this issue because even when I try I get set up to fail.
It doesn't matter anyway, pretty much everyone treats me like I am her to service them or something, its like I dont exist on my own but for their own benefit.
Ive gotten confirmation of two things. The first....when speaking of my ongoing hope to be relocated away from all the trauma and selfishness after 6 years of ongoing abuse that never ends this is what I was told by the lady in the black "St. Martin" tank top...her words were "thats not going to ever happen" I knew that me and my life being destroyed was a collaborative effort but I had no idea that no one had any intention of allowing me to rise above it. Its always lying dishonest cheats that seem to prosper in the world. (I have to say that although I am straight laced I have no intention of ever being a "saint" because I dont believe in hurting people that have different lifestyles as me even people that are dishonest. I believe in everyones right to live their life in the manner that they see fit (i'd appreciate it though if you weren't hurting me on purpose to begin with.)
The second thing I received confirmation of was that they really expect me to be homeless another year of my life. This is the rediculous deal they keep trying to give me. Basically its a bondage deal, slavery to a different owner for the duration of a year. Only problem is that now that i have been dealing with lazy ass people that just want someone to do all their work for them now for the last 6 years, I recognize the fact that this supposed deal, is really one sided and gives absolutely no benefit to me at all. Not to mention that at the end of the year I'll have yet another person trying to bully me into another year...no where is the word freedom used. This has been going on for 6 years, someone always wanting another year of something for nothin. ----Told you no one has any intention of actually helping me at all.
Its really kind of sick how this is happening to a pretty much normal happy-go-lucky-girl that just wants to raise her baby and get paid for her own accomplishments.
As usual went to walk down the street and as usual vehicles staked out everywhere and have to deal with punks that think they are pimps telling me to suck them off and get a job. This coming from a mamas boy thats never had to rough it without a vehicle, a home or his mom washing all his nice duds that he changes into everyday. As I proceed to tell the "man child" not to bother waiting for me to round the corner before he starts up his vehicle (basically not to be so f-ing obvious) I notice that I am right in front of the windsor fire department. I must note... Im really getting tired of the 20 something pimp crowd that not only has a lot of growing up to do but could use a lesson in how to treat someone that is 11 years their senior-they dont even realize how moronic it is for a 20 year old nothing to be trying to pimp an adult 34 year old woman. I can assure you that with all the people I have met over the last 6 years that if I wanted "escorting" to be my profession that you would not be my representative as I am from the bay area where women get paid to intellectualize with bright intelligent men as they get wined and dined with absolutely no "sucking off" involved. Where Im from, if I wanted to associate myself with a couple different men during the week, not only would I not even have to have sex but would be treated with the utmost respect as a woman AND get paid. They have class there, something these 20 year old "Pimps" as they see themselves, dont know the first thing about. I can assure you that I wouldn't be taking your sort of half ass disease infested clientelle over an intellectual base of men that are just very busy and and sometimes need a woman to accompany them on various engagements.
Anyway back to the Windsor Fire Department. Right after I deal with the man child I look up and notice that an attractive blond man is standing within the clear fire department door and grabbing his crotch and holding it as he sports his fire department duds, right in front of me. This from a supposed respected city service worker that is supposed to save peoples lives but apparently mine is worth nothing unless I give him a blow job. I'd like to hear him explain to his captain why he failed to rescue a woman from a burning building, because she wasn't willing to blow him so in his opinion she wasn't worth saving. Another good looking piece of shit in disguise of someone that the public looks to try to help them.
The disrespect I endure is beyond me.
That brings me to the stalking gangsters that are going around doing really horrible things to people and their property and trying to make it look like it was me. They are lying to the public and trying to make it look like I am destroying property. I cant keep up with this. I know its gangster though because who else would spend their time that way. The only people that I know that have gang affiliations are Dan, Tara, and Chewy (I technically dont even know chewy I just know of him.) And I get threatened often by the spanish population, not all (there are some very loving spanish people that have great intentions) but there is also a group of mexican people trying to destroy me and use and abuse me. They have used my writing and misfortunes to aid the rise of a spanish girl that now they threaten my feet for. She has now married some rich man thanks to my insights and been relocated and the illusion was provided to certain individuals of her moral deservance of protection by authorities (even though she was using me the entire time). Thats okay though, its not the first girl Ive been used for.
I even had a strange mexican man tell a business owner the other day that he was the father of my baby---I had never seen this man in all my life. This action alone is not limited to mexican men, men of all races have tryed to claim that they are the father of this baby, people Ive never met nor have I ever slept with, Paul the guitar hero stalker, tried this one also and he knows he never slept with me.
This is why I was trying to get my god family or the dougherty's to help me. All of this nonsense is why I decided to live in Sonoma County again. I was needing the love and support of my past alliances because I want away from these people so bad. These people that have been stalking me are nothing like the ones that I grew up with. They lie about everything and have no morals what so ever. They are slimey. They even lied the other day and said that I ate a donut when I didn't, they do whatever they can to "win" and since most of them (even the sherriffs) are dirty two bit criminals with no conscience what so ever that means that I deal with a bunch of fabricated problems everyday. I want them out of my life they are clouding it with unnecessary drama and I didn't invite them into my world so I would appreciate it if they would "see" their way out of it.
That brings me to the whole "doing" issue. I am constantly accused of "doing" all the time The people that accuse go out of their way, lie their asses off, cheat and steal in order to make me look like I am "doing". They command dogs to bark at certain times, using commands and high pitched frequencies, when I am around children, and they tell me that I am "doing" if I am sitting on the ground. They set it up in every possible way to make it look like I am sexually attracted to certain types of people, even children. I wish I had a bullet for everyone of these time wasting sickos in life. They seem to have no life or projects to work on without me. To them they think that they are acheiving total and complete anihilation of my life, which seems to be their goal (bad parenting rears its ugly head), but to me they are just a bunch of community morons that someone taught a few tricks to, that look so f-ing dumb orchestrating these events. The word "smooth" cannot be attatched to these people or fabricated events and you can tell that they are all participating because some half informed dumb ass told them a couple of secrets after bugging me, and now they are trying their luck at the "game". I told one person a while ago about in a certain circle of people, putting your hands on your hips silently indicates whether the person in question, being judged, is guilty of what ever offense they are accusing of. Over the past month, regular people that have never traveled about the country, are using this technique to try and induce guilt into a situation of orchestrated events designed to make me look guilty. My own community doesn't even know that i taught them that, and they are trying to use it against me, the girl that arrived home for support. Its almost sickening to watch. I wish I would have never said anything at all about it. From now on I'm going to be extra careful about saying anything in conversation to someone that could possibly misinterpret and misuse valuable information from private sectors accross the country.
Ive got people threatening my life and everything in it based on this mind f - - - of a game they play. Im suddenly guilty or innocent based on what, when or where I am at the moment and time. What store I go into will suddenly shift the balance of whether or not I am supposed to have my hand cut off (how morbid and rediculous). What city in the county that i decide to spend my day in also a factor as to whether or not I am some sort of terrorist (which I have never been) yet everyone else supposedly has the right to travel about the county at their leisure and without explanation like normal people and are allowed to live their lives. Im mentally or unmentally stable based on what foods I eat. The rediculousness never ceases.
Then I have people trying to get me lynched or killed that tell people that I think that i am a "princess". They say that I think that I am a princess because I walk from place to place. Why do I walk from place to place? Because I have no vehicle. I dont think I am a princess, as a matter of fact in my blogsite, I specifically indicated that I am a US Citizen that has fought like hell for survival in this country, to the point where I should be carrying around arrows (not to be confused with "Arrowhead" titled anything) and olive branches. This is the kind of set up that i am referring to that is designed to get me harassed and badgered. Not only that but it trips me out when people try to bow to me. Even if I was a princess, I would never allow people to bow to me, everyone would be on equal footing, and I would never let someone "serve" me, unless they were a waitress and I could tip them. They bow to me to see what my reaction will be, to test me but I never respond because I just think that it is creepy. They lied to everyone and told them that I thought I was a princess and have marines all pissed off trying to teach me a "lesson" by threatening me with a terrorist brig. All this is happening to me based on heresay, not actual facts, rediculous. I have no room to breath at all on this planet, someone is always trying to get me locked up, beaten or harassed.
I even found out yesterday that they plan on beating me again for things they never even asked me about, just told people I was guilty of and they are all competing for the rights over who gets to do it and who gets the rights to the illegal video the plan on shooting. How aweful it is to be me, its one attack after another by a bunch of ignorant people that get off on hurting an innocent girl. How do you plan to beat someone without so much as to even ask them if what they heard about the individual is true to begin with.
But the above sentence does prove that both beatings I received from both entities (the criminals in Alabama, and the Sherriffs department in Marin) were premeditated and that the false imprisonment was planned ahead of time in order to accomplish this goal. This would explain the handful of arrests that I was placed under, by dirty cops, for made up reasons that didn't exist in the first place. Someone along the line decided that they didn't like me and just wanted the ability to beat me, humiliate me, falsly imprison me, and cash in on the video.
This would also explain my arrest in Santa Ana California where I was dragged to a supposed tresspassing location from a block away, placed at the property in question and arrested for resisting arrest and tresspassing. I was never tresspassing, I was at a public gas station trying to get something to drink when this happened. On the way, as I was being dragged, the supposed "officer" was hurting me so bad that when I attempted to defend myself I was accused of assaulting the officer...how convenient. It is this experience that I never recieved my property back from which was a back pack full of poems (@ least 25-30 of them) that were stolen from dirty cops and given to a group of gangsters that submitted one of them to an MTV contest in which they were going to make a song out of it. My poem, I found out, won first place in the nationwide contest and was turned into a song that someone has been collecting royalties on for the last 4 years now and some rotten crook is getting paid for. All while I have been enduring all this abuse on the street for the past years.
One other incident of false arrest happened in indiana about 4 years ago, right before the poems that I speak of were written, that if you ask me about I can explain but the jist is that again someone wanted to hurt me, I got arrested per their plan, beaten and falsly imprisoned, not to mention kept from a normal court preceeding for a period of 81 days.
Now I have the marin Sherriffs department here in Santa Rosa trying to justify their beating that they gave me 2 1/2 years ago. This beating I know for certain was broadcast on You Tube just like all the others. I heard that my God sister, Jacqueline, laughed at when she saw it. Every beating its evident that I am being forcibly beat and it is obvious that it isn't a joke. I'd like to know one thing, What the hell did I ever do to Jacqueline that would make her laugh at my physical and mental pain? Ive never done anything but love that girl and she was the last person on this earth that I would have expected that from, still I was willing to forgive her.
Jacqueline is no dummy and she KNOWS the truth and that I have been telling the truth the entire 6 years that I have been rendered totally resourceless and abused. Would she laugh if it were her or Miles in my situation? I seriously doubt it as they think that their lives are worth considerably more than mine yet them and their associations spend all of their time covering up everything I ever accomplish that is of a world wide nature and redirect to some other privilaged jerk thats never been forced to sleep with out a blanket or threatened for trying to nourish a pregnancy. I have always loved these children but am a little miffed at how they could ever laugh at someones misfortune. I loved these two with all my heart. Did they laugh at all my misfortunes, my entire life behind my back? Did I waste my energy on people that had no ounce of love for me?
Well at least I am no longer fooled, but was hoping that they would respect the fact they they had been found out and extend an offer of truce and even possibly have respect for my ability to stay alive amist all the torment. But right now I have to admit I feel like they deserve an academy award for pretending to love me my whole life...but still...I am willing to forgive.
My never ending extension of an olive branch is usually repaid with additional suffering and infliction----hence the beating that is currently being premeditated which also means that someone plans on arresting me for no reason again, or trying to invent a reason. But I bet you that I will get nothing resembling the respect I deserve for being up against wealthy people with all the resources known to man that couldn't even bring one "peasant" girl down (as they consider me). For six years I had NOTHING BUT HONESTY TO WORK WITH.
How pathetic. Everyone I have ever loved, in on it. My best friends, family, and close associations. But no one seemed to have a problem using me.
Isn't it amazing how all these people never had to lift a finger in order to hurt me yet somehow view themselves superior to someone that conquored death, starvation, dehydration, lonliness, lynchings, abandonment, full on attacks of every kind, extreme heat and cold (got frost bite on my toes that is reactivated everytime the temperature drops below a certain point because of nerve damage), constant and FORCED travel for 6 years, stalking, 2 heart attacks, kidney failure, intentional humiliation tactics, attempted organ extraction with a dull knife and a cooler on the streets of southern California, being forced to remain dirty and unclean with smelly clothes for days, weeks and even a month one time, multiple beatings and unheard of abuses by people that I LOVED, constant SABOTAGE, multiple kidnappings and rapes, countless days where I couldn't do anything but wait, outside in an undisclosed location, for their terror attacks to cease (all their games) watching my life trickle past me unlived, and the agony of never moving forward, nothing ever changing, and their use of my discoveries and findings during this time period to aid their already posh existance.
You dont think that I might be slightly miffed, peeved, irritated, out of tolerance for selfish people that dont know the first thing about how hard life can really be?
The hardest person that I have had to accept that has had a part in this abusive saga is Kendall. I loved this girl with all my heart and not in a lesbien sense. I was so humble in my viewpoint of her that because of her "friendship" with me and how much it meant to me, I had already decided that her life was of more importance than mine many, many, many years ago. Why? Because she had people in her life that really loved her, not to mention was smart in ways that I wasn't and held down a very respectable and prestigious position in her career at a young age. I decided long ago that if it ever came down to her life or mine, I would gladly sacrifice my existance so that she could continue hers. Why? Because I had NOTHING. Everywhere I looked in my life was barren. She was (and my god parents) all I had on earth. I made this promise naievely before I knew how she really felt about me. She apparently has always not liked me but had me as friend for some other control purpose. I feel so dumb again.
Kendall is now the newest representative of Eminem (the entertainer). First of all if what Eminem says in his songs is true, at least for a portion of his life, he had it rough and had challenges beyond the norm or what he felt like dealing with, thrown at him. At least he had to pull through SOME circumstances that weren't just mental depression. (Mental Depression a vacation compared to premeditated sabotage and inflicted trauma---I wish I only had depression to worry about rather than what feels like an entire nation trying to destroy an innocent girl) How on earth do you name someone a representative of Eminem that has never even been on their last legs and not even once in their life. No offense but Kendall doesn't even know the meaning of misfortune, let alone physical discomfort (with the exception of Kidney stones periodically). How the hell does someone that didn't change their life remotely, except to move from one place to another (full monetary compensation and resources part of the deal) a couple of times in life, get the title of someone from a low income background that had to at least fight to make it.
Im perplexed. I myself dont need the title of Eminem because I dont even think hes seen the kind of hardship that I have. My pregnancy alone would have had both of them on their knees by the 4th month and that isn't me trying to be cocky. I say that in the most respectful humble way because people were stalking me mercilessly and I had no form of transportation was stuck in a war zone and was unable to eat and drink during morning sickness, and was forced to hitchhike constantly to keep my baby safe from the same creepy assholes that I cant get out of my life to this day.
I appologize slightly for being so harsh but to Kendall and everyone else....Its real easy to accomplish things when you have credit cards, money, and a network of people that will lie, cheat and steal to keep you above ground. Try it with NOTHING.
I've got people trying to get me committed and I have heard that Kendall has tried her luck with this also. Can you imagine how I must feel?
I have my good days where I miss her with every fiber in my being. Craving the good times and the laughter not to mention most of our common interests are in line with each other. But the bad days, I look down at my battle wounds and know that there is at least one (being very generous for her sake) from her there, inflicted intentionally. I was willing to trade me and my existance for her flourishment if it ever came down to it. Can you imagine how I must feel?
She's not the only one....every relative, every "friend", everyone I have ever trusted or ever adored, used me, tormented me, and cashed in on me---oh and then took turns broadcasting it.
I still forgive them but forgetting is a harder task. The audacity is what I am having a hard time with. They are blaming their greedy actions on me and trying to insinuate that I burnt a bridge and that is why all these people have behaved in this manor. All these aweful things were done to me and then they tried to make it look like I deserved it. No one deserves to be almost killed repeatedly and for sport and then when I try to get help officials told to ignore me. Yet if it were anyone of the group I previously mentioned they would have received help. I called 911 yesterday and no one responded. That pretty much sums up the last 6 years. Rape after rape, kidnapping after kidnapping, beating after beating, terror attacks of every kind on me and with all the pleas for help to family, friends and authorities....no one responded... except out of their own greed.( the exception being some decent strangers along the way who obviously weren't informed of the over all attempt to kill me slowly and over a period of time).
And to think after everything I have already been through, a race war over whether or not I should have to "feel" when they finally decide to kill me. Fucking Amazing!!!! I appologize for being so crass but there is no other way to say it. Oh and for a crime I had no knowledge of.
I was told this....
To be a part of Kendall's life I have to accept the title of sex offender and everyone assumes that I am somehow attracted to children (of course untrue), not to mention have my orgasms regulated even if I am alone having them. Again, Ive had sex twice in 3 years and both times with adults.
To be a part of April's life I have to go to jail for a theft that never happened.
To be a part of Tara's life I take on the title of murderer (of course also untrue)
I have litterally hundreds of scars on my body that are all new in the last 6 years from being subjected to third world country poverty, abuse and neglect. At least 100 on my feet alone from being forced to reside outside while being eaten alive by ants and mosquitos. Im disfigured, my heart works overtime to keep my pulse going and Ive still got people like you that conveniently lie to the mass populus telling them things that are untrue and planning your next assault with such glee that you are probably taking bids on a beating video that isn't even made yet.
Oh and now some crazy group of people thinks that they will be performing surgery on me in October. They plan on "fixing" me as they put it. Like a dog. Ive had sex twice in 3 years and they want to fix me.
Again, I still have no worth yet my writing and experiences are world famous but I bet "Annie" and "B" are having a great day thanks to my 6 years of suffering and Kendall is probably getting a pedicure. Not to be rude but can you imagine how I must feel?
YOU TRULY ARE A COWARD. Dont be hurt that I said this, these are just words. Be thankful... you could have actually been me----thats a reality that hurts for real and goes beyond a minor inconvenience of being offended.
Flowers has falsely accused me of some random crime and him and his posse are trying to make "deals" with someone to try and get himself off the hook for what he allowed to happen to me in Alabama.
I was arrested for nothing and held in jail while corrections officers told me that the other inmates (full on criminals) were allowed to do what ever they wanted to me because rumor had it that I was some sort of whore. They proceeded to allow these people to beat the crap out of me with no intervention what so ever, video taped it and it is now on you tube. They now want me to go to jail to cover up what they did to me and take away any responsibility for their illegal activity of assault, false imprisonment, and taking and showing video footage without consent. They are now here in Sonoma County.
Lovely, my home town invaded by a bunch of dirty fucking scum that has no right to have any access to me what so ever considering I have been telling the truth the entire time.
I must reiterate here that I have been falsely accused of being a sex offender when i have only had sex twice in 3 years with full grown adults, accused of murder (again for a crime I have no knowledge of) and accused of theft so they can try to arrest me to clear their own bad names and get themselves off the hook. None of these things happened.
I keep calling the DA"S office begging for help with all the stalking but it is really starting to feel with the lack of protection and foreign entities trying to make it look like I am crazy for reporting the extensive and without end stalking and harassment that I am enduring that Im stuck dealing with large groups of dirty cops and gangsters running my life on the streets. I guess you only get protection if you have money. These stalking fucks are trying to get me committed so that they can have access to my child. So they go around terrorizing me and threatening me all day until I lose my temper and then I look like a crazy lady.
Im pregnant and cant handle all the stress of not being able to go to a shelter(because they are there), having no sanity on the streets because of their constant presence and trying to deal with a baby kicking me and everyone thinking that they have the right to try and control the life of an innocent girl that didn't invite them into her life.
I haven't been allowed normal civil rights because of a bunch of criminals that have terrorized me, Im being systematically killed outside while they play their game and use me as their "race car" as they put it.
I have a gangster named "Chewy" a two bit piece of shit named Paul (alias of guitar hero), two different sherriffs departments following me around demanding jail time to make themselves look good (get themselves off the hook for the senseless beatings that I took, and no, I wasn't resisting arrest-thats just what they tell you to try to justify their treatment of how they treat anyone they consider a "whore" (it shouldn't matter in the first place but Ill say it again...Ive had intercourse twice in 3 years). Greg Franklin, stalking me, Bobby Sorry using me to make himself famous and as his "race car", My uncle ED accusing me of various strange things based on my geographic location and all but ED has now moved to my county, where I grew up and the only place that was supposed to be my safeplace in all of the united states. Not to mention at least 5 different celebrities that have developed a cruel facination with my suffering and have taken turns threatening me if I dont give the baby up for adoption--they think they have the right to come in and take someones baby that doesn't belong to them because they have money. They legally cant do it and that is why the constant abuse so that I look crazy and they can try and get me committed.
Baby is NOT UP FOR ADOPTION, AND WHEN i AM ABLE TO PROVE WHAT THESE PEOPLE HAVE DONE TO US DURING MY PREGNANCY THEY CAN ALL TAKE TURNS PAYING FOR MY SONS COLLEGE FUND. WHILE IN MY CUSTODY (I WAS THE ONLY PERSON THAT DIDN'T TREAT HIM LIKE A GAME OR PROPERTY NOT TO MENTION THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT HIS SAFETY WHILE I HAD TO CONTINUE RUNNING FROM THESE DISHONEST CRUEL INTENTIONED PEOPLE THAT HAD ABSOLUTELY NO REGARD FOR HIS DEVELOPEMENT THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THIS PREGNANCY) MY SON IS NOT A TOY TO BE WON AT THE FAIR, HE WAS A LIVING BREATHING PERSON FROM THE BEGINNING TO ME AND TO YOU HE WAS SOME SORT OF MEAL TICKET GAME THAT YOU PLAYED. I WAS NOT ALLOWED NOURISHMENT MOST OF THE PREGNANCY AS A CRUEL FOR OF SLAVERY CONTROL AND YOU ARE NOT POPPING IN THE PICTURE 9 MONTHS AFTER THE DURATION OF THIS TREATMENT AND DEMANDING A BABY.
It sure feels like the truth is no one every had any intention of allowing me to thrive and prosper. Hence all my income and accomplishments stolen and handed over to someone they used me for. It never ends.
Some of these people so selfish that they expect that with no home and no place to retreat to during constant attacks, 9 months pregnant and malnourished and eating out of cans If Im lucky, Im now supposed to worry about someones hands (which of course I worry about) but am rendered unable to make a difference in this issue because even when I try I get set up to fail.
It doesn't matter anyway, pretty much everyone treats me like I am her to service them or something, its like I dont exist on my own but for their own benefit.
Ive gotten confirmation of two things. The first....when speaking of my ongoing hope to be relocated away from all the trauma and selfishness after 6 years of ongoing abuse that never ends this is what I was told by the lady in the black "St. Martin" tank top...her words were "thats not going to ever happen" I knew that me and my life being destroyed was a collaborative effort but I had no idea that no one had any intention of allowing me to rise above it. Its always lying dishonest cheats that seem to prosper in the world. (I have to say that although I am straight laced I have no intention of ever being a "saint" because I dont believe in hurting people that have different lifestyles as me even people that are dishonest. I believe in everyones right to live their life in the manner that they see fit (i'd appreciate it though if you weren't hurting me on purpose to begin with.)
The second thing I received confirmation of was that they really expect me to be homeless another year of my life. This is the rediculous deal they keep trying to give me. Basically its a bondage deal, slavery to a different owner for the duration of a year. Only problem is that now that i have been dealing with lazy ass people that just want someone to do all their work for them now for the last 6 years, I recognize the fact that this supposed deal, is really one sided and gives absolutely no benefit to me at all. Not to mention that at the end of the year I'll have yet another person trying to bully me into another year...no where is the word freedom used. This has been going on for 6 years, someone always wanting another year of something for nothin. ----Told you no one has any intention of actually helping me at all.
Its really kind of sick how this is happening to a pretty much normal happy-go-lucky-girl that just wants to raise her baby and get paid for her own accomplishments.
As usual went to walk down the street and as usual vehicles staked out everywhere and have to deal with punks that think they are pimps telling me to suck them off and get a job. This coming from a mamas boy thats never had to rough it without a vehicle, a home or his mom washing all his nice duds that he changes into everyday. As I proceed to tell the "man child" not to bother waiting for me to round the corner before he starts up his vehicle (basically not to be so f-ing obvious) I notice that I am right in front of the windsor fire department. I must note... Im really getting tired of the 20 something pimp crowd that not only has a lot of growing up to do but could use a lesson in how to treat someone that is 11 years their senior-they dont even realize how moronic it is for a 20 year old nothing to be trying to pimp an adult 34 year old woman. I can assure you that with all the people I have met over the last 6 years that if I wanted "escorting" to be my profession that you would not be my representative as I am from the bay area where women get paid to intellectualize with bright intelligent men as they get wined and dined with absolutely no "sucking off" involved. Where Im from, if I wanted to associate myself with a couple different men during the week, not only would I not even have to have sex but would be treated with the utmost respect as a woman AND get paid. They have class there, something these 20 year old "Pimps" as they see themselves, dont know the first thing about. I can assure you that I wouldn't be taking your sort of half ass disease infested clientelle over an intellectual base of men that are just very busy and and sometimes need a woman to accompany them on various engagements.
Anyway back to the Windsor Fire Department. Right after I deal with the man child I look up and notice that an attractive blond man is standing within the clear fire department door and grabbing his crotch and holding it as he sports his fire department duds, right in front of me. This from a supposed respected city service worker that is supposed to save peoples lives but apparently mine is worth nothing unless I give him a blow job. I'd like to hear him explain to his captain why he failed to rescue a woman from a burning building, because she wasn't willing to blow him so in his opinion she wasn't worth saving. Another good looking piece of shit in disguise of someone that the public looks to try to help them.
The disrespect I endure is beyond me.
That brings me to the stalking gangsters that are going around doing really horrible things to people and their property and trying to make it look like it was me. They are lying to the public and trying to make it look like I am destroying property. I cant keep up with this. I know its gangster though because who else would spend their time that way. The only people that I know that have gang affiliations are Dan, Tara, and Chewy (I technically dont even know chewy I just know of him.) And I get threatened often by the spanish population, not all (there are some very loving spanish people that have great intentions) but there is also a group of mexican people trying to destroy me and use and abuse me. They have used my writing and misfortunes to aid the rise of a spanish girl that now they threaten my feet for. She has now married some rich man thanks to my insights and been relocated and the illusion was provided to certain individuals of her moral deservance of protection by authorities (even though she was using me the entire time). Thats okay though, its not the first girl Ive been used for.
I even had a strange mexican man tell a business owner the other day that he was the father of my baby---I had never seen this man in all my life. This action alone is not limited to mexican men, men of all races have tryed to claim that they are the father of this baby, people Ive never met nor have I ever slept with, Paul the guitar hero stalker, tried this one also and he knows he never slept with me.
This is why I was trying to get my god family or the dougherty's to help me. All of this nonsense is why I decided to live in Sonoma County again. I was needing the love and support of my past alliances because I want away from these people so bad. These people that have been stalking me are nothing like the ones that I grew up with. They lie about everything and have no morals what so ever. They are slimey. They even lied the other day and said that I ate a donut when I didn't, they do whatever they can to "win" and since most of them (even the sherriffs) are dirty two bit criminals with no conscience what so ever that means that I deal with a bunch of fabricated problems everyday. I want them out of my life they are clouding it with unnecessary drama and I didn't invite them into my world so I would appreciate it if they would "see" their way out of it.
That brings me to the whole "doing" issue. I am constantly accused of "doing" all the time The people that accuse go out of their way, lie their asses off, cheat and steal in order to make me look like I am "doing". They command dogs to bark at certain times, using commands and high pitched frequencies, when I am around children, and they tell me that I am "doing" if I am sitting on the ground. They set it up in every possible way to make it look like I am sexually attracted to certain types of people, even children. I wish I had a bullet for everyone of these time wasting sickos in life. They seem to have no life or projects to work on without me. To them they think that they are acheiving total and complete anihilation of my life, which seems to be their goal (bad parenting rears its ugly head), but to me they are just a bunch of community morons that someone taught a few tricks to, that look so f-ing dumb orchestrating these events. The word "smooth" cannot be attatched to these people or fabricated events and you can tell that they are all participating because some half informed dumb ass told them a couple of secrets after bugging me, and now they are trying their luck at the "game". I told one person a while ago about in a certain circle of people, putting your hands on your hips silently indicates whether the person in question, being judged, is guilty of what ever offense they are accusing of. Over the past month, regular people that have never traveled about the country, are using this technique to try and induce guilt into a situation of orchestrated events designed to make me look guilty. My own community doesn't even know that i taught them that, and they are trying to use it against me, the girl that arrived home for support. Its almost sickening to watch. I wish I would have never said anything at all about it. From now on I'm going to be extra careful about saying anything in conversation to someone that could possibly misinterpret and misuse valuable information from private sectors accross the country.
Ive got people threatening my life and everything in it based on this mind f - - - of a game they play. Im suddenly guilty or innocent based on what, when or where I am at the moment and time. What store I go into will suddenly shift the balance of whether or not I am supposed to have my hand cut off (how morbid and rediculous). What city in the county that i decide to spend my day in also a factor as to whether or not I am some sort of terrorist (which I have never been) yet everyone else supposedly has the right to travel about the county at their leisure and without explanation like normal people and are allowed to live their lives. Im mentally or unmentally stable based on what foods I eat. The rediculousness never ceases.
Then I have people trying to get me lynched or killed that tell people that I think that i am a "princess". They say that I think that I am a princess because I walk from place to place. Why do I walk from place to place? Because I have no vehicle. I dont think I am a princess, as a matter of fact in my blogsite, I specifically indicated that I am a US Citizen that has fought like hell for survival in this country, to the point where I should be carrying around arrows (not to be confused with "Arrowhead" titled anything) and olive branches. This is the kind of set up that i am referring to that is designed to get me harassed and badgered. Not only that but it trips me out when people try to bow to me. Even if I was a princess, I would never allow people to bow to me, everyone would be on equal footing, and I would never let someone "serve" me, unless they were a waitress and I could tip them. They bow to me to see what my reaction will be, to test me but I never respond because I just think that it is creepy. They lied to everyone and told them that I thought I was a princess and have marines all pissed off trying to teach me a "lesson" by threatening me with a terrorist brig. All this is happening to me based on heresay, not actual facts, rediculous. I have no room to breath at all on this planet, someone is always trying to get me locked up, beaten or harassed.
I even found out yesterday that they plan on beating me again for things they never even asked me about, just told people I was guilty of and they are all competing for the rights over who gets to do it and who gets the rights to the illegal video the plan on shooting. How aweful it is to be me, its one attack after another by a bunch of ignorant people that get off on hurting an innocent girl. How do you plan to beat someone without so much as to even ask them if what they heard about the individual is true to begin with.
But the above sentence does prove that both beatings I received from both entities (the criminals in Alabama, and the Sherriffs department in Marin) were premeditated and that the false imprisonment was planned ahead of time in order to accomplish this goal. This would explain the handful of arrests that I was placed under, by dirty cops, for made up reasons that didn't exist in the first place. Someone along the line decided that they didn't like me and just wanted the ability to beat me, humiliate me, falsly imprison me, and cash in on the video.
This would also explain my arrest in Santa Ana California where I was dragged to a supposed tresspassing location from a block away, placed at the property in question and arrested for resisting arrest and tresspassing. I was never tresspassing, I was at a public gas station trying to get something to drink when this happened. On the way, as I was being dragged, the supposed "officer" was hurting me so bad that when I attempted to defend myself I was accused of assaulting the officer...how convenient. It is this experience that I never recieved my property back from which was a back pack full of poems (@ least 25-30 of them) that were stolen from dirty cops and given to a group of gangsters that submitted one of them to an MTV contest in which they were going to make a song out of it. My poem, I found out, won first place in the nationwide contest and was turned into a song that someone has been collecting royalties on for the last 4 years now and some rotten crook is getting paid for. All while I have been enduring all this abuse on the street for the past years.
One other incident of false arrest happened in indiana about 4 years ago, right before the poems that I speak of were written, that if you ask me about I can explain but the jist is that again someone wanted to hurt me, I got arrested per their plan, beaten and falsly imprisoned, not to mention kept from a normal court preceeding for a period of 81 days.
Now I have the marin Sherriffs department here in Santa Rosa trying to justify their beating that they gave me 2 1/2 years ago. This beating I know for certain was broadcast on You Tube just like all the others. I heard that my God sister, Jacqueline, laughed at when she saw it. Every beating its evident that I am being forcibly beat and it is obvious that it isn't a joke. I'd like to know one thing, What the hell did I ever do to Jacqueline that would make her laugh at my physical and mental pain? Ive never done anything but love that girl and she was the last person on this earth that I would have expected that from, still I was willing to forgive her.
Jacqueline is no dummy and she KNOWS the truth and that I have been telling the truth the entire 6 years that I have been rendered totally resourceless and abused. Would she laugh if it were her or Miles in my situation? I seriously doubt it as they think that their lives are worth considerably more than mine yet them and their associations spend all of their time covering up everything I ever accomplish that is of a world wide nature and redirect to some other privilaged jerk thats never been forced to sleep with out a blanket or threatened for trying to nourish a pregnancy. I have always loved these children but am a little miffed at how they could ever laugh at someones misfortune. I loved these two with all my heart. Did they laugh at all my misfortunes, my entire life behind my back? Did I waste my energy on people that had no ounce of love for me?
Well at least I am no longer fooled, but was hoping that they would respect the fact they they had been found out and extend an offer of truce and even possibly have respect for my ability to stay alive amist all the torment. But right now I have to admit I feel like they deserve an academy award for pretending to love me my whole life...but still...I am willing to forgive.
My never ending extension of an olive branch is usually repaid with additional suffering and infliction----hence the beating that is currently being premeditated which also means that someone plans on arresting me for no reason again, or trying to invent a reason. But I bet you that I will get nothing resembling the respect I deserve for being up against wealthy people with all the resources known to man that couldn't even bring one "peasant" girl down (as they consider me). For six years I had NOTHING BUT HONESTY TO WORK WITH.
How pathetic. Everyone I have ever loved, in on it. My best friends, family, and close associations. But no one seemed to have a problem using me.
Isn't it amazing how all these people never had to lift a finger in order to hurt me yet somehow view themselves superior to someone that conquored death, starvation, dehydration, lonliness, lynchings, abandonment, full on attacks of every kind, extreme heat and cold (got frost bite on my toes that is reactivated everytime the temperature drops below a certain point because of nerve damage), constant and FORCED travel for 6 years, stalking, 2 heart attacks, kidney failure, intentional humiliation tactics, attempted organ extraction with a dull knife and a cooler on the streets of southern California, being forced to remain dirty and unclean with smelly clothes for days, weeks and even a month one time, multiple beatings and unheard of abuses by people that I LOVED, constant SABOTAGE, multiple kidnappings and rapes, countless days where I couldn't do anything but wait, outside in an undisclosed location, for their terror attacks to cease (all their games) watching my life trickle past me unlived, and the agony of never moving forward, nothing ever changing, and their use of my discoveries and findings during this time period to aid their already posh existance.
You dont think that I might be slightly miffed, peeved, irritated, out of tolerance for selfish people that dont know the first thing about how hard life can really be?
The hardest person that I have had to accept that has had a part in this abusive saga is Kendall. I loved this girl with all my heart and not in a lesbien sense. I was so humble in my viewpoint of her that because of her "friendship" with me and how much it meant to me, I had already decided that her life was of more importance than mine many, many, many years ago. Why? Because she had people in her life that really loved her, not to mention was smart in ways that I wasn't and held down a very respectable and prestigious position in her career at a young age. I decided long ago that if it ever came down to her life or mine, I would gladly sacrifice my existance so that she could continue hers. Why? Because I had NOTHING. Everywhere I looked in my life was barren. She was (and my god parents) all I had on earth. I made this promise naievely before I knew how she really felt about me. She apparently has always not liked me but had me as friend for some other control purpose. I feel so dumb again.
Kendall is now the newest representative of Eminem (the entertainer). First of all if what Eminem says in his songs is true, at least for a portion of his life, he had it rough and had challenges beyond the norm or what he felt like dealing with, thrown at him. At least he had to pull through SOME circumstances that weren't just mental depression. (Mental Depression a vacation compared to premeditated sabotage and inflicted trauma---I wish I only had depression to worry about rather than what feels like an entire nation trying to destroy an innocent girl) How on earth do you name someone a representative of Eminem that has never even been on their last legs and not even once in their life. No offense but Kendall doesn't even know the meaning of misfortune, let alone physical discomfort (with the exception of Kidney stones periodically). How the hell does someone that didn't change their life remotely, except to move from one place to another (full monetary compensation and resources part of the deal) a couple of times in life, get the title of someone from a low income background that had to at least fight to make it.
Im perplexed. I myself dont need the title of Eminem because I dont even think hes seen the kind of hardship that I have. My pregnancy alone would have had both of them on their knees by the 4th month and that isn't me trying to be cocky. I say that in the most respectful humble way because people were stalking me mercilessly and I had no form of transportation was stuck in a war zone and was unable to eat and drink during morning sickness, and was forced to hitchhike constantly to keep my baby safe from the same creepy assholes that I cant get out of my life to this day.
I appologize slightly for being so harsh but to Kendall and everyone else....Its real easy to accomplish things when you have credit cards, money, and a network of people that will lie, cheat and steal to keep you above ground. Try it with NOTHING.
I've got people trying to get me committed and I have heard that Kendall has tried her luck with this also. Can you imagine how I must feel?
I have my good days where I miss her with every fiber in my being. Craving the good times and the laughter not to mention most of our common interests are in line with each other. But the bad days, I look down at my battle wounds and know that there is at least one (being very generous for her sake) from her there, inflicted intentionally. I was willing to trade me and my existance for her flourishment if it ever came down to it. Can you imagine how I must feel?
She's not the only one....every relative, every "friend", everyone I have ever trusted or ever adored, used me, tormented me, and cashed in on me---oh and then took turns broadcasting it.
I still forgive them but forgetting is a harder task. The audacity is what I am having a hard time with. They are blaming their greedy actions on me and trying to insinuate that I burnt a bridge and that is why all these people have behaved in this manor. All these aweful things were done to me and then they tried to make it look like I deserved it. No one deserves to be almost killed repeatedly and for sport and then when I try to get help officials told to ignore me. Yet if it were anyone of the group I previously mentioned they would have received help. I called 911 yesterday and no one responded. That pretty much sums up the last 6 years. Rape after rape, kidnapping after kidnapping, beating after beating, terror attacks of every kind on me and with all the pleas for help to family, friends and authorities....no one responded... except out of their own greed.( the exception being some decent strangers along the way who obviously weren't informed of the over all attempt to kill me slowly and over a period of time).
And to think after everything I have already been through, a race war over whether or not I should have to "feel" when they finally decide to kill me. Fucking Amazing!!!! I appologize for being so crass but there is no other way to say it. Oh and for a crime I had no knowledge of.
I was told this....
To be a part of Kendall's life I have to accept the title of sex offender and everyone assumes that I am somehow attracted to children (of course untrue), not to mention have my orgasms regulated even if I am alone having them. Again, Ive had sex twice in 3 years and both times with adults.
To be a part of April's life I have to go to jail for a theft that never happened.
To be a part of Tara's life I take on the title of murderer (of course also untrue)
I have litterally hundreds of scars on my body that are all new in the last 6 years from being subjected to third world country poverty, abuse and neglect. At least 100 on my feet alone from being forced to reside outside while being eaten alive by ants and mosquitos. Im disfigured, my heart works overtime to keep my pulse going and Ive still got people like you that conveniently lie to the mass populus telling them things that are untrue and planning your next assault with such glee that you are probably taking bids on a beating video that isn't even made yet.
Oh and now some crazy group of people thinks that they will be performing surgery on me in October. They plan on "fixing" me as they put it. Like a dog. Ive had sex twice in 3 years and they want to fix me.
Again, I still have no worth yet my writing and experiences are world famous but I bet "Annie" and "B" are having a great day thanks to my 6 years of suffering and Kendall is probably getting a pedicure. Not to be rude but can you imagine how I must feel?
YOU TRULY ARE A COWARD. Dont be hurt that I said this, these are just words. Be thankful... you could have actually been me----thats a reality that hurts for real and goes beyond a minor inconvenience of being offended.
Yesterday was a physically aweful day and they just treated me like a slave in a game again
Notes from yesterday
I can barely walk. Everything hurts right now, my back, my stomach, my groin (round ligament pain, and the dehydration is phenominal (you are four times as thirsty when you are pregnant than at any other time.), My lips are sticking to my teeth, Im sweating profusely, I was panting, I cant breath and I passed out from lack of air and inability to cool myself down.
They dont care though they just keep using my mind for the other girl. I can barely move, 9 months pregnant and they are murdering me while they use my weaknesses for her gain. Why wont they allow her to go through her own struggles. Quit using a pregnant woman that is getting so big she can barely move-what kind of scum does that?
Ive been going through this for 6 years total (this sort of game playing abuse) and this is some new girl that just arrived on the scene with representation to try and play a game Im not playing. Im being killed, slowly and over a period of time and no one seems to find anything wrong with that.
Im not against anyone, the federal government, the cartels, no one. They set me up to look like the fall person when I could be in the middle of experiencing labor for christ sake. Not only that they seem to think that my trips to the bathroom are some sort of deal that I am making. Whats going to happen when I go into actual nonstop labor? Are they going to continue the game when Im in so much pain that I can mentally keep up with their cruelty. Are they going to tell N that I will service them? When my water breaks are they going to accuse me of "doing"? When I start to push the baby are they going to accuse me of doing my son? They should be locked up. What kind of pregnancy goes through this.
I cant go to the shelters, I have stalkers that now live there. I have no where I can go. Im stuck outside all day, roasting in the son, for some other girls benefit that isn't even pregnant and has no mind of her own.
I shouldn't have to "DO" Ive earned after 6 years full protection. And they are still commanding the dog to bark to make it look to the world that I am doing. I hope Ed (MY uncle) falls off the face of the earth for his participation in the cruelty. Treated my like a slave every step of the way and then try to tell the world that I was lying for his own benefit. Rot in hell.
I can barely walk. Everything hurts right now, my back, my stomach, my groin (round ligament pain, and the dehydration is phenominal (you are four times as thirsty when you are pregnant than at any other time.), My lips are sticking to my teeth, Im sweating profusely, I was panting, I cant breath and I passed out from lack of air and inability to cool myself down.
They dont care though they just keep using my mind for the other girl. I can barely move, 9 months pregnant and they are murdering me while they use my weaknesses for her gain. Why wont they allow her to go through her own struggles. Quit using a pregnant woman that is getting so big she can barely move-what kind of scum does that?
Ive been going through this for 6 years total (this sort of game playing abuse) and this is some new girl that just arrived on the scene with representation to try and play a game Im not playing. Im being killed, slowly and over a period of time and no one seems to find anything wrong with that.
Im not against anyone, the federal government, the cartels, no one. They set me up to look like the fall person when I could be in the middle of experiencing labor for christ sake. Not only that they seem to think that my trips to the bathroom are some sort of deal that I am making. Whats going to happen when I go into actual nonstop labor? Are they going to continue the game when Im in so much pain that I can mentally keep up with their cruelty. Are they going to tell N that I will service them? When my water breaks are they going to accuse me of "doing"? When I start to push the baby are they going to accuse me of doing my son? They should be locked up. What kind of pregnancy goes through this.
I cant go to the shelters, I have stalkers that now live there. I have no where I can go. Im stuck outside all day, roasting in the son, for some other girls benefit that isn't even pregnant and has no mind of her own.
I shouldn't have to "DO" Ive earned after 6 years full protection. And they are still commanding the dog to bark to make it look to the world that I am doing. I hope Ed (MY uncle) falls off the face of the earth for his participation in the cruelty. Treated my like a slave every step of the way and then try to tell the world that I was lying for his own benefit. Rot in hell.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I know that you are a shallow bitch and have to use someone else for your rise to success, no I dont want two, no Im not giving up my son and you are
to blame for everything me and my son have been through. Your greed almost killed us both.
This cowardly bitch is using my words again trying to make the world think that she is the originator of my thought processes
You deserve death for being such a no moral having, fuck me over at all costs, bitch. Im 9 months pregnant and you continue to make it look as if my words are yours. What would you do if you couldn't use me as your claim to fame?
Your pathetic, having to use someone to have a personality. You wont get away with it forever. I'll be dead one day and then when your steady stream of followers need another revelation you'll be found out, washed up, and hopefully lynched for putting not only me through this but my son also while he was still in developement.
There is no excuse for you to continue breathing, Im surprised lightning doesnt strike you. Nice try but your not geting my son, over my dead fucking body!!!!! Never in a million years will you even touch him you fucking coward!!!!!!!!!! You cant even speak for yourself. You use me for everything, your truly pathetic. No wonder your trying to get me commited, Im your meal ticket, your claim to fame and your the worst business person on the planet with absolutely no skills or talent of your own so you dont even know to develop a win-win business relationship to keep it going. You will truly rot in hell you fucking cunt (and to think I never use that word but today it is the only word that could most accurately describe you). Rot in hell bitch.
Your pathetic, having to use someone to have a personality. You wont get away with it forever. I'll be dead one day and then when your steady stream of followers need another revelation you'll be found out, washed up, and hopefully lynched for putting not only me through this but my son also while he was still in developement.
There is no excuse for you to continue breathing, Im surprised lightning doesnt strike you. Nice try but your not geting my son, over my dead fucking body!!!!! Never in a million years will you even touch him you fucking coward!!!!!!!!!! You cant even speak for yourself. You use me for everything, your truly pathetic. No wonder your trying to get me commited, Im your meal ticket, your claim to fame and your the worst business person on the planet with absolutely no skills or talent of your own so you dont even know to develop a win-win business relationship to keep it going. You will truly rot in hell you fucking cunt (and to think I never use that word but today it is the only word that could most accurately describe you). Rot in hell bitch.
Today was an emotional roller coaster
I finally got to stay inside today without having to relocate in the morning. What a great gift that is, to not have to go anywhere and concentrate on trying to heal.
Only problem is that I cried the majority of the day because of surpressed feelings of stress, anxiety, rejection, and feeling attacked and bombarded by groups of people that not only keep accusing me of various outlandish crimes but those just gunning to take my baby from me.
After an entire pregnancy of malnourishment and eating at most only once a day if I was lucky, I spent the whole day eating. I basically binged all day and because I had somewhere private I could eat I ate everything I could...how unattractive, good thing I wasn't trying to land a man right?
Part of what provoked this was I met a lady the other day who was as tiny as they come and she said that she eats all day long. I thought to myself "whats that like?" and proceeded to try and find out today. The other part of what brought this on was total and ultimate sorrow as I feel so freaken alone in a world full of people. It seems like no one has a heart lately.
My parents and family all professing to the world how "just" they are by denying love at all costs and the cruelty levels at an all time high. The whole world has an opinion about me but nobody seems to want to allow me normal processes in which to heal. Sometimes you have to have a really bad day to get to the really good days and with all the abuse, physical, mental, emotional and verbal that I am bombarded with everyday I need somewhere sometimes to be alone concentrate on only myself and just cry. Cry, because the truth is that Im in a world where you get called a whore based on the foods you eat, and truth has no bearing or relevance. I continue to be honest and all I ever get is attacked and accused of acting. Im so tired of having to convince people that clearly dont care if I live or die that I have done nothing wrong and that whether or not Im smiling or crying, Im still not acting. Im constantly expected to surpress all emotions and at all costs because the world might be inconvenienced by the fact that their cruelty has officially taken a toll. If Im never allowed to expunge all the negativity that I have had to endure, surpress and carry around with me, how am I ever going to be on the positive, healthy side of the spectrum? Maybe that is their whole point. Maybe they just want the world to believe that I am incapable of positivity and wonderful things? Thats how they keep control I suppose. They treat me as if I am here to suffer for them and at all costs, Im never allowed to shine. The problem with shining for me is this. There is so much mud that has been slung at me that I need a little while of solitude to rid myself of it. There never seems to be time for that but I have to take that time now before the baby gets here, I only have a couple of weeks. And it is my theory that if kids can eat whatever they want that I to can eat whatever I want without being implicated in some sort of premeditated crime. Im sick of malnourishment, Im tired of rediculous food rules that prevent me from being healthy. I have to have a flowing metabolism if I am to be a mentally balanced mom. I cant be worried that you are going to accuse me of something preposterous because today I ate broccoli and yesterday I decided on pizza. Im a wonderful decent soul no matter what I eat and Im not on one side verses the other because of my choice in food.
I lost 140 pounds 7 years ago and I did this by allowing all foods that I was craving but just in moderation. I lost 110 of those pounds in 9-10 months but with all your rediculous versions of what each food groups mean it will be impossible to get in shape and stay healthy.
Quit wasting my time by accusing me of outlandish things, you do this just to trip me up I think. This is my child and I cant wait to be a mom, but between total strangers stalking me and my family trying to justify cruel and unusual treatment of an autistic girl, I have been a mess to say the least.
I just wanted also to appologize to anyone that has tried to legitimately help me that I let down by not understanding what to do or what maybe at stake. I need decompression time away from people to get back on track.
To the rest of the world, I would appreciate it if you would stop expecting from me (a total stranger) what you wont even put yourself through for someone you claim to love with every fiber of your being. How utterly rediculous to expect me to have nothing for a group of people that could care less if I fall off the face of the planet yet you wont even sacrifice your most prized possesion or deepest love in life for someone that you claim that you would die for. But Im supposed to not eat, not drink, not smile, not laugh or listen to music, not have normal thoughts or emotions basically not be a person so that you are satisfied that Im not acting....how fucking cruel of you. As long as you dont have to be held responsible for your previous acts of cruelty against me and you get off scott free for what you've put me through I guess in your book its okay, right? You think that it is only a crime if you get caught, right? Shift the blame carefully in my direction so that you get away unscathed. What a "master" plan you've got going there.
Only problem is that I cried the majority of the day because of surpressed feelings of stress, anxiety, rejection, and feeling attacked and bombarded by groups of people that not only keep accusing me of various outlandish crimes but those just gunning to take my baby from me.
After an entire pregnancy of malnourishment and eating at most only once a day if I was lucky, I spent the whole day eating. I basically binged all day and because I had somewhere private I could eat I ate everything I could...how unattractive, good thing I wasn't trying to land a man right?
Part of what provoked this was I met a lady the other day who was as tiny as they come and she said that she eats all day long. I thought to myself "whats that like?" and proceeded to try and find out today. The other part of what brought this on was total and ultimate sorrow as I feel so freaken alone in a world full of people. It seems like no one has a heart lately.
My parents and family all professing to the world how "just" they are by denying love at all costs and the cruelty levels at an all time high. The whole world has an opinion about me but nobody seems to want to allow me normal processes in which to heal. Sometimes you have to have a really bad day to get to the really good days and with all the abuse, physical, mental, emotional and verbal that I am bombarded with everyday I need somewhere sometimes to be alone concentrate on only myself and just cry. Cry, because the truth is that Im in a world where you get called a whore based on the foods you eat, and truth has no bearing or relevance. I continue to be honest and all I ever get is attacked and accused of acting. Im so tired of having to convince people that clearly dont care if I live or die that I have done nothing wrong and that whether or not Im smiling or crying, Im still not acting. Im constantly expected to surpress all emotions and at all costs because the world might be inconvenienced by the fact that their cruelty has officially taken a toll. If Im never allowed to expunge all the negativity that I have had to endure, surpress and carry around with me, how am I ever going to be on the positive, healthy side of the spectrum? Maybe that is their whole point. Maybe they just want the world to believe that I am incapable of positivity and wonderful things? Thats how they keep control I suppose. They treat me as if I am here to suffer for them and at all costs, Im never allowed to shine. The problem with shining for me is this. There is so much mud that has been slung at me that I need a little while of solitude to rid myself of it. There never seems to be time for that but I have to take that time now before the baby gets here, I only have a couple of weeks. And it is my theory that if kids can eat whatever they want that I to can eat whatever I want without being implicated in some sort of premeditated crime. Im sick of malnourishment, Im tired of rediculous food rules that prevent me from being healthy. I have to have a flowing metabolism if I am to be a mentally balanced mom. I cant be worried that you are going to accuse me of something preposterous because today I ate broccoli and yesterday I decided on pizza. Im a wonderful decent soul no matter what I eat and Im not on one side verses the other because of my choice in food.
I lost 140 pounds 7 years ago and I did this by allowing all foods that I was craving but just in moderation. I lost 110 of those pounds in 9-10 months but with all your rediculous versions of what each food groups mean it will be impossible to get in shape and stay healthy.
Quit wasting my time by accusing me of outlandish things, you do this just to trip me up I think. This is my child and I cant wait to be a mom, but between total strangers stalking me and my family trying to justify cruel and unusual treatment of an autistic girl, I have been a mess to say the least.
I just wanted also to appologize to anyone that has tried to legitimately help me that I let down by not understanding what to do or what maybe at stake. I need decompression time away from people to get back on track.
To the rest of the world, I would appreciate it if you would stop expecting from me (a total stranger) what you wont even put yourself through for someone you claim to love with every fiber of your being. How utterly rediculous to expect me to have nothing for a group of people that could care less if I fall off the face of the planet yet you wont even sacrifice your most prized possesion or deepest love in life for someone that you claim that you would die for. But Im supposed to not eat, not drink, not smile, not laugh or listen to music, not have normal thoughts or emotions basically not be a person so that you are satisfied that Im not acting....how fucking cruel of you. As long as you dont have to be held responsible for your previous acts of cruelty against me and you get off scott free for what you've put me through I guess in your book its okay, right? You think that it is only a crime if you get caught, right? Shift the blame carefully in my direction so that you get away unscathed. What a "master" plan you've got going there.
Monday, August 24, 2009
I would like to clear things up
Ihave nothing against 50. I dont technically know what he's all about. I dont know him. All I know is that I cant get the overweight man from cananda out of my life and for some reason 50 seems to be attatched to this man in some way. That is why I used the words "no offense" in the entry where I was asking these sick people that follow me all around wanting to force their presence in my life, to leave me alone. I wasn't trying to single 50 out, im just tired frustrated and scared having a bunch of people thatwont go away stalk me all the time. Im in my home town and i cant even go to the grocery store without someone "playing the game" or without someone that doesn't even belong in my city popping up there.
These people are crazy and they think I somehow owe them some sort of alliance or deal. Get out of my life, I dont know you and now you are trying to force me into a lifestyle that I dont believe in, I'm trying to concentrate on my son and you follow me around rubbing your heads and scratching your throughts, making judgement calls on me.
These people are crazy and they think I somehow owe them some sort of alliance or deal. Get out of my life, I dont know you and now you are trying to force me into a lifestyle that I dont believe in, I'm trying to concentrate on my son and you follow me around rubbing your heads and scratching your throughts, making judgement calls on me.
I cant relate
I grew up around music, laughter, and people that would do anything to stay happy and let the good times roll.
They fought for their right to have a pulse and feel all the great parts of life while going to any extreme to avoid a bad reality trip.
Im stuck now with people that technically speak the same language as me but I dont understand one thing that comes from their face. I've gotten so jaded that I dont even hear what they say anymore, I just watch their lips move with my earplugs lodged because I know its hopeless. The mission of trying to find a like person.
The people that surround me are consumed it seems with keeping people miserable. They condemn me to live the lifestyle of some solitary confinement prisoner.
They make everything an issue, everything is part of their game. Eating and drinking, whether or not you can have a blanket, fuck Im not even allowed to smile when I manage to ride some of my own pleasant thoughts from my mind. They play this game all day and its not even an enjoyable one. It hurts peoples lives and is totally counterproductive not to mention a waste of time on this planet.
They find pleasure in punishing you for laughter or insight. They attatch meaning and regiment things that are meant to flow and be random.
In the world that I live in, there is no love or laughter, they dont allow it. They try to make you feel dirty for having any adult relationship. To these sick minded people grown people are children, you cant have sex because supposedly a grown man is magically transformed into an 8 year old the moment you decide to become intimate.
And they use their kids --- they actually teach their children to say that they (the kids) were your ex-partner somehow. What an unnecessary mind fuck that is in every direction. Now Im a child molester? On what planet? Ive been with adults only and only twice in 3 1/2 years. No children at all in the equation.
This isn't the world that I grew up in, everything familiar seems to have vanished and Im left with people that have the most close minded ignorant waste of time viewpoints I've ever had the misfortune of experiencing here on earth. And thats all there is, just them, just their mental prisons that they go out of their way to construct around your every action or thought.
Its not worth it. My only regret on this earth is that I got pregnant and now there is another innocent soul that is forced to endure this aweful reality. They want my kid to be their Jesus, their N, their So, their Em, their toy, their property. The fucking selfishness almost to much for me to bear somedays as I put my hands to my loves movements underneath the protective cover of my belly. What about what he wants to be in this life, on this planet? They already have his identity planned out and attatching people to him that I wouldn't let touch him or his psyche with a ten foot pole. People that dont believe in magic or imagination. People that go around saying 4 dinner, 4 love, and "okay" all the time. Then there are the others, the ones that want to use him with some sort of purpose in mind. No one cares about what he may want. Its almost totally irrelevant that he will have his own pulse. He's a doll to them. A plaything, like clay and I am mortified that Im running out of time to find a way to get him to a place where all the possibilities of life are before him.
I hate everyone of these people, even the people that claim to want to take him from this. They could take us both and I know that. If I wasn't his mother then I wouldn't want to go with him. But there really is nothing left if he is raised by someone else because they weren't meant to be his mother, I was. Thats why he is in my womb. They are going to totally ruin his entire destiny without my ability to mother him. This was meant to be and they are once again altering fate with their cruel limited intervention. They could take both of us and believe me I've earned my escape papers. I should be thankful they say. Thankful that they plan on taking him and turning him into something they think is appropriate but nowhere am I hearing about what he wants in this life, its all about what they can make of him.
I hate them all, for doing it to me and then doing it to him.
Where did these spawns of people come from? How come they weren't around when I was growing up (thank goodness)
They fought for their right to have a pulse and feel all the great parts of life while going to any extreme to avoid a bad reality trip.
Im stuck now with people that technically speak the same language as me but I dont understand one thing that comes from their face. I've gotten so jaded that I dont even hear what they say anymore, I just watch their lips move with my earplugs lodged because I know its hopeless. The mission of trying to find a like person.
The people that surround me are consumed it seems with keeping people miserable. They condemn me to live the lifestyle of some solitary confinement prisoner.
They make everything an issue, everything is part of their game. Eating and drinking, whether or not you can have a blanket, fuck Im not even allowed to smile when I manage to ride some of my own pleasant thoughts from my mind. They play this game all day and its not even an enjoyable one. It hurts peoples lives and is totally counterproductive not to mention a waste of time on this planet.
They find pleasure in punishing you for laughter or insight. They attatch meaning and regiment things that are meant to flow and be random.
In the world that I live in, there is no love or laughter, they dont allow it. They try to make you feel dirty for having any adult relationship. To these sick minded people grown people are children, you cant have sex because supposedly a grown man is magically transformed into an 8 year old the moment you decide to become intimate.
And they use their kids --- they actually teach their children to say that they (the kids) were your ex-partner somehow. What an unnecessary mind fuck that is in every direction. Now Im a child molester? On what planet? Ive been with adults only and only twice in 3 1/2 years. No children at all in the equation.
This isn't the world that I grew up in, everything familiar seems to have vanished and Im left with people that have the most close minded ignorant waste of time viewpoints I've ever had the misfortune of experiencing here on earth. And thats all there is, just them, just their mental prisons that they go out of their way to construct around your every action or thought.
Its not worth it. My only regret on this earth is that I got pregnant and now there is another innocent soul that is forced to endure this aweful reality. They want my kid to be their Jesus, their N, their So, their Em, their toy, their property. The fucking selfishness almost to much for me to bear somedays as I put my hands to my loves movements underneath the protective cover of my belly. What about what he wants to be in this life, on this planet? They already have his identity planned out and attatching people to him that I wouldn't let touch him or his psyche with a ten foot pole. People that dont believe in magic or imagination. People that go around saying 4 dinner, 4 love, and "okay" all the time. Then there are the others, the ones that want to use him with some sort of purpose in mind. No one cares about what he may want. Its almost totally irrelevant that he will have his own pulse. He's a doll to them. A plaything, like clay and I am mortified that Im running out of time to find a way to get him to a place where all the possibilities of life are before him.
I hate everyone of these people, even the people that claim to want to take him from this. They could take us both and I know that. If I wasn't his mother then I wouldn't want to go with him. But there really is nothing left if he is raised by someone else because they weren't meant to be his mother, I was. Thats why he is in my womb. They are going to totally ruin his entire destiny without my ability to mother him. This was meant to be and they are once again altering fate with their cruel limited intervention. They could take both of us and believe me I've earned my escape papers. I should be thankful they say. Thankful that they plan on taking him and turning him into something they think is appropriate but nowhere am I hearing about what he wants in this life, its all about what they can make of him.
I hate them all, for doing it to me and then doing it to him.
Where did these spawns of people come from? How come they weren't around when I was growing up (thank goodness)
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I want all you sick fucks out of my life
You stalk and harass me and then i find out that you are wanting me to be some sort of sex worker for you. Not going to happen.
You make me sick, i wrote about something that I was kidding about many months ago and your sick self wants to see it become a reality. Who are you people and why wont you just leave me alone.
Oh and by the way, im sick of you setting me up to look like I have done something wrong everytime I try to function on a normal level.
I want you out of my life, this baby is not your prize, and just because I dont go to church doesn't give you the right to try and turn me into a prostitute. I have impeccable morals, dont lie, dont steal, dont do drugs, dont smoke or drink and you keep lying through your teeth saying that I am somehow sleeping with men while I am pregnant. your so freaken sick and pathetic. I hope you cease to exist one day.
People like you dont even deserve to exist or breathe.
GET OUT OF MY LIFE, IM NOT A HOOKER.
NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO SET ME UP TO LOOK LIKE THE BAD PERSON YOUR A DISHONEST LYER AND I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. GET OUT OF MY LIFE.
HEY 50, KINDLY STOP TRYING TO OWN ME, THIS BABY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT FREAK FROM CANADA STOP TRYING TO TAKE OWNERSHIP OF A GIRL YOU DONT EVEN KNOW, i HATE THAT MAN FROM CANADA AND OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE SOMEHOW LINKED TO HIM BECAUSE EVERYONE IS DESPARATE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE HE IS THE FATHER. nO OFFENSE.. BUT MY PREGNANCY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, I CAN EAT WHATEVER i WANT BECAUSE I AM PREGNANT, IM NOT GUILTY OF ANYTHING. I LOVE THIS CHILD AND IF IT WAS THAT MAN FROM CANADAS BABY I WOULD HAVE HAD AN ABORTION SO QUICK IT WOULD HAVE MADE HIS HEAD SPIN. I HOPE THAT HE DIES.
You make me sick, i wrote about something that I was kidding about many months ago and your sick self wants to see it become a reality. Who are you people and why wont you just leave me alone.
Oh and by the way, im sick of you setting me up to look like I have done something wrong everytime I try to function on a normal level.
I want you out of my life, this baby is not your prize, and just because I dont go to church doesn't give you the right to try and turn me into a prostitute. I have impeccable morals, dont lie, dont steal, dont do drugs, dont smoke or drink and you keep lying through your teeth saying that I am somehow sleeping with men while I am pregnant. your so freaken sick and pathetic. I hope you cease to exist one day.
People like you dont even deserve to exist or breathe.
GET OUT OF MY LIFE, IM NOT A HOOKER.
NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO SET ME UP TO LOOK LIKE THE BAD PERSON YOUR A DISHONEST LYER AND I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. GET OUT OF MY LIFE.
HEY 50, KINDLY STOP TRYING TO OWN ME, THIS BABY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT FREAK FROM CANADA STOP TRYING TO TAKE OWNERSHIP OF A GIRL YOU DONT EVEN KNOW, i HATE THAT MAN FROM CANADA AND OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE SOMEHOW LINKED TO HIM BECAUSE EVERYONE IS DESPARATE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE HE IS THE FATHER. nO OFFENSE.. BUT MY PREGNANCY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, I CAN EAT WHATEVER i WANT BECAUSE I AM PREGNANT, IM NOT GUILTY OF ANYTHING. I LOVE THIS CHILD AND IF IT WAS THAT MAN FROM CANADAS BABY I WOULD HAVE HAD AN ABORTION SO QUICK IT WOULD HAVE MADE HIS HEAD SPIN. I HOPE THAT HE DIES.
Other than all this I would have traded recognition for relocation, but it seems hopeless. Im not guilty of anything and you keep trying to justify
leaving me with a bunch of criminals expecting me to co-exist with people i have absolutely nothing in common with for the rest of my life but dont mind using me to relocate the more "loved" version of the girl that passes off my words and ideas as her own not to mention having the nerve to threaten my feet for trying to walk around because now you've put her life above mine even though you used me to get her there. I dont care how many times you threaten my feet, a girl that lies her way to the top, including using my words, information, or experience, never has the right to try and threaten my feet for any reason.... how dare you!
I mean really, what would you expect me to say to that? No ones feet are more important than someone elses. Especially someone that couldn't resist the temptation to lie in order to get relocated. That would be the difference between me and you, i couldn't leave a legitimate American Eagle complete with arrows and olive branches, out to die on the street while I took credit for her creativity, tenassity, perserverance, words, information, strength, and compassion....leaving her overlooked for relocation and name change (the ability to move) for the 6th year in a row, steal her story and her ideas and then have the nerve to threaten her feet and thank her with a visit to either a terrorist brig or a mental ward. Or threaten her with arrest. Not to mention come in and try to take her baby and treat her every action on the street as if it is some sort of game. Gee thanks, let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.
Hell, by now Im officially American Eagle (As in the presidential seal of the United States of America), A full on P, and everything a star is made of. I surpassed these girls that you continue to use me for long ago. All you ask of them is that they starve themselves for a month, I appologize that i cant starve while Im growing a baby! Im pregnant, exhausted and in a war zone everyday, while you use my increadible will to survive towards someone else and you cant manage to relocate me with full protection? There really is no excuse that you can give me that condone you overlooking a legitimate person in need.
If you can sit on your ass and go to your place of residence everyday and allow yourself to eat meat and whatever you want, drive your vehicle around and change very little in your day and still call yourself a "radial" at the end of the day when you haven't done anything out of the ordinary in years except lose a couple days of sleep and miss a couple of meals then I am pretty sure that I have surpassed, almost on a navy seal level, anything that you have so pompously declared that you dont have to work toward, to be.
And you lie to people and deny me the right to eat certain foods because you have declared yourself better than me and Im the one that is pregnant. One man, who I wont name tried to guilt trip me about the sauce I wanted on my chinese food saying that it would hurt a "star". How convenient that you can eat it but I cant. Dont give me the "it will cost someone their hand routine either" Im tired of looking like the enemy when im the one that has been fully malnourished all along...why do you think my body is dying? But as usual 9 months pregnant, fully obvious, and I have to fight to earn the right of pregnant. Its always about you.
I am not into chopping off peoples hands but it is truly amazing how many hands I save along the way and never get saved myself, EVERYONE seems to feel as if they are more important than me. Its always someone elses hand that suddenly Im responsible for but never has anyone ever spent 6 months in my shoes, not to mention has ever had to sacrifice 2 years worth of celibacy to save your ungreatful, full of yourself, think your more important as you use me like a freaken old towel, hand.
I'll say it again....How dare you threaten my feet.
I mean really, what would you expect me to say to that? No ones feet are more important than someone elses. Especially someone that couldn't resist the temptation to lie in order to get relocated. That would be the difference between me and you, i couldn't leave a legitimate American Eagle complete with arrows and olive branches, out to die on the street while I took credit for her creativity, tenassity, perserverance, words, information, strength, and compassion....leaving her overlooked for relocation and name change (the ability to move) for the 6th year in a row, steal her story and her ideas and then have the nerve to threaten her feet and thank her with a visit to either a terrorist brig or a mental ward. Or threaten her with arrest. Not to mention come in and try to take her baby and treat her every action on the street as if it is some sort of game. Gee thanks, let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.
Hell, by now Im officially American Eagle (As in the presidential seal of the United States of America), A full on P, and everything a star is made of. I surpassed these girls that you continue to use me for long ago. All you ask of them is that they starve themselves for a month, I appologize that i cant starve while Im growing a baby! Im pregnant, exhausted and in a war zone everyday, while you use my increadible will to survive towards someone else and you cant manage to relocate me with full protection? There really is no excuse that you can give me that condone you overlooking a legitimate person in need.
If you can sit on your ass and go to your place of residence everyday and allow yourself to eat meat and whatever you want, drive your vehicle around and change very little in your day and still call yourself a "radial" at the end of the day when you haven't done anything out of the ordinary in years except lose a couple days of sleep and miss a couple of meals then I am pretty sure that I have surpassed, almost on a navy seal level, anything that you have so pompously declared that you dont have to work toward, to be.
And you lie to people and deny me the right to eat certain foods because you have declared yourself better than me and Im the one that is pregnant. One man, who I wont name tried to guilt trip me about the sauce I wanted on my chinese food saying that it would hurt a "star". How convenient that you can eat it but I cant. Dont give me the "it will cost someone their hand routine either" Im tired of looking like the enemy when im the one that has been fully malnourished all along...why do you think my body is dying? But as usual 9 months pregnant, fully obvious, and I have to fight to earn the right of pregnant. Its always about you.
I am not into chopping off peoples hands but it is truly amazing how many hands I save along the way and never get saved myself, EVERYONE seems to feel as if they are more important than me. Its always someone elses hand that suddenly Im responsible for but never has anyone ever spent 6 months in my shoes, not to mention has ever had to sacrifice 2 years worth of celibacy to save your ungreatful, full of yourself, think your more important as you use me like a freaken old towel, hand.
I'll say it again....How dare you threaten my feet.
My Dad
Am I a chess piece to him also? I thought he was different as long as I told the truth, I thought he would eventually try to protect me. I feel like Bernice in "Hope Floats" when she goes running after her dad and he continues to push her away when she's got tears in her eyes, begging him to take her home with him because she thinks he walks on water.
He just shuns her and goes about his day, leaving her totally desparate and alone. Im so tired of begging someone to care about me so they can no longer play these head games with me. Its excruciating and cruel what they've done to me and nothing will ever stop them from trying to make me live as a hostage rather than a regular person. They never stop accusing me of bizarre crimes.
SOMETHING i WROTE WHEN i WAS TOLD THAT I WAS GIVEN UP ON BY SOMEONE THAT KNOWS MY DAD, ALTHOUGH AT THE TIME I HAD NO IDEA HE KNOWS MY FATHER AND BROTHERS.
Im devastated, another person tells me that they gave up on me. My glass heart shatters. How can you give up on someone that doesn't do anything bad? It sounds to me like you just blurted out the secret no one was supposed to tell me....you had no intention of saving me to begin with. I needed someone, Im so tired of traveling and not knowing who to trust and staying whereever I can.
It would have been better if you would have told the truth to begin with....you planned on tricking me into thinking that you were going to help get me out of this but in reality all of you were just trying to win me over to get to the baby. Now I get it. Just like my parents, it feels like they never tried to include me in their escape but had all the excuses in the world to find a reason to leave me behind.
I knew I was all alone but I had no idea just how alone I really was. I thought maybe there was some hope, that if I tried hard enough that someone would give me a chance to flourish, thrive and grow and to be a great mom to a son I waited my whole life for-but no one had that intention at all. It was all smoke and mirrors. I stare like a deer in the headlights, traumatized by everything I have been through, knowing I've been overlooked and discounted by anyone that could help me 6 years in a row.
I APPOLOGIZE TO MY FATHERS SIDE OF THE FAMILY FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING (DUE TO THE AUTISM) IN A MORE TIMELY MANNER WHAT YOU WANTED FROM ME. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH HELL AND BACK (KIDNAPPINGS AND RAPES AND BEATINGS) AND HAVE BEEN ALL ALONE ON THE STREETS, NEVER WAIVERING FROM TRUTH, WHILE BEGGING FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE ME OFF THE STREETS. ITS BEEN SIX YEARS OF SUFFERING NEEDLESSLY.
i AM NO CRIMINAL, NO KILLER OR SEX OFFENDER AND EVERYONE IS TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A FREAK WHEN IF THEY PUT THEIR MIND TO IT THEY COULD JUST AS EASILY ALLOW ME TO SHINE WITH ALL THE EFFORT THEY EXPEND ON TRYING TO HURT ME AND PROVE THEIR THEORY THAT I LIE. I DONT LIE ABOUT ANYTHING THAT WOULD AFFECT YOU AND YOUR LIFE AND HAVE CONTINUED TO REMAIN TRUTHFUL WHEN MOST WOULD HAVE STARTED LYING TO PROTECT THEMSELVES.
MY HEART IS TOTALLY BROKEN BY THE FACT THAT i NEVER SEEM GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO TAKE ME IN YET i HAVE PEOPLE BENEFITING FROM AND CASHING IN ON MY BUSINESS IDEAS AND MY WRITING AND THEY ARE STILL TRYING TO PULL THE "YOUR A MEDIUM FOR B ROUTINE"
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GIVE A HOMELESS GIRL CREDIT FOR HER OWN BRAIN AND WRITING? I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THINGS i NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE AND SOME PERSON ALWAYS COMES IN AT THE END AND TAKES CREDIT FOR IT, WHEN THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
i ALWAYS LOOK PATHETIC IN THE END WHEN i REALLY SHOULD BE PROUD OF WHAT i HAVE CREATED OUT OF THE NOTHINGNESS i HAVE BEEN OFFERED IN THE LAST 6 YEARS. MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN BUSINESS IDEAS STOLEN AND PITCHED TO EXECUTIVES THAT ACCEPTED THE IDEAS, MY WRITING SOMETIMES WORLD FAMOUS BUT B GETS CREDIT FOR IT. CODES BROKEN THAT WON AWARDS, THE LIST GOES ON AND ON BUT YET NO ONE FINDS THE VALUE IN ALLOWING ME SHELTER WITH THE PEOPLE I LOVE? HOW COME I HAVE NO VALUE TO YOU BUT YOU CONTINUE TO REAP THE BENEFITS OF MY MIND IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER. iM OUT HERE PETRAFIED ON THE STREET ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH AND WITH ALL THE MONEY BETWEEN YOU YOU DONT FIND THE VALUE IN BRINGING ME IN OFF THE STREET AT THE VERY LEAST AS A SMART BUSINESS MOVE? i WOULD PREFER FOR YOU TO ACTUALLY LOVE ME BUT I WOULD SETTLE FOR A MUTUAL BUSINESS ARANGEMENT WHERE I ORIGINATE IDEAS AND GIVE YOU A PERCENTAGE FOR SAVING ME.
i LOVE MY FATHER, i LOVE MY MOTHER AND i HAVE ACCOMPLISHED MORE IN 6 YEARS THAN THEY DID IN THEIR LIFETIMES--THEY SHOULD BE SO PROUD, BUT INSTEAD, IM NEVER GOING TO BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR EITHER OF THEM AND THEY LEAVE A BRILLIANT MIND TO BE ANTAGONIZED AND HARASSED OUT ON THE STREET. i REALLY LOVE YOU BUT HOW COULD YOU CONSCIOUSLY LEAVE ME TO DIE WITH CONJESTIVE HEART FAILURE OUT ON THE STREET?
NOT ONLY THAT BUT SOME CHICKEN SHIT KEEPS LYING TO MY FATHER AND TELLING HIM THAT i STEAL THINGS RANDOMLY. THEY JUST LIED TO HIM AND TOLD HIM THAT I STOLED CREDIT CARDS AND FORGED CHECKS. I HAD A LADY HIDE HER WALLET AROUND ME THE OTHER DAY AND i WAS MORTIFIED, AS I AM THE MOST TRUSTWORTHY NON-THEIF THERE EVER WAS ON EARTH. BUT THEY JUST KEEP LYING TO MY FATHER SO THAT HE WONT HELP ME.
i APPOLOGIZE TO MY FATHER THAT HE KEEPS GETTING LIED TO AND I APPOLOGIZE THAT IT STILL HASN'T OCCURED TO HIM TO ACTUALLY ASK WHAT MY VERSION OF THE STORY MAY BE. HE REALLY MUST NOT KNOW ME AT ALL IF HE THINKS THAT i GO AROUND STEALING THINGS. I LOVE YOU ANYWAY.
He just shuns her and goes about his day, leaving her totally desparate and alone. Im so tired of begging someone to care about me so they can no longer play these head games with me. Its excruciating and cruel what they've done to me and nothing will ever stop them from trying to make me live as a hostage rather than a regular person. They never stop accusing me of bizarre crimes.
SOMETHING i WROTE WHEN i WAS TOLD THAT I WAS GIVEN UP ON BY SOMEONE THAT KNOWS MY DAD, ALTHOUGH AT THE TIME I HAD NO IDEA HE KNOWS MY FATHER AND BROTHERS.
Im devastated, another person tells me that they gave up on me. My glass heart shatters. How can you give up on someone that doesn't do anything bad? It sounds to me like you just blurted out the secret no one was supposed to tell me....you had no intention of saving me to begin with. I needed someone, Im so tired of traveling and not knowing who to trust and staying whereever I can.
It would have been better if you would have told the truth to begin with....you planned on tricking me into thinking that you were going to help get me out of this but in reality all of you were just trying to win me over to get to the baby. Now I get it. Just like my parents, it feels like they never tried to include me in their escape but had all the excuses in the world to find a reason to leave me behind.
I knew I was all alone but I had no idea just how alone I really was. I thought maybe there was some hope, that if I tried hard enough that someone would give me a chance to flourish, thrive and grow and to be a great mom to a son I waited my whole life for-but no one had that intention at all. It was all smoke and mirrors. I stare like a deer in the headlights, traumatized by everything I have been through, knowing I've been overlooked and discounted by anyone that could help me 6 years in a row.
I APPOLOGIZE TO MY FATHERS SIDE OF THE FAMILY FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING (DUE TO THE AUTISM) IN A MORE TIMELY MANNER WHAT YOU WANTED FROM ME. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH HELL AND BACK (KIDNAPPINGS AND RAPES AND BEATINGS) AND HAVE BEEN ALL ALONE ON THE STREETS, NEVER WAIVERING FROM TRUTH, WHILE BEGGING FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE ME OFF THE STREETS. ITS BEEN SIX YEARS OF SUFFERING NEEDLESSLY.
i AM NO CRIMINAL, NO KILLER OR SEX OFFENDER AND EVERYONE IS TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A FREAK WHEN IF THEY PUT THEIR MIND TO IT THEY COULD JUST AS EASILY ALLOW ME TO SHINE WITH ALL THE EFFORT THEY EXPEND ON TRYING TO HURT ME AND PROVE THEIR THEORY THAT I LIE. I DONT LIE ABOUT ANYTHING THAT WOULD AFFECT YOU AND YOUR LIFE AND HAVE CONTINUED TO REMAIN TRUTHFUL WHEN MOST WOULD HAVE STARTED LYING TO PROTECT THEMSELVES.
MY HEART IS TOTALLY BROKEN BY THE FACT THAT i NEVER SEEM GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO TAKE ME IN YET i HAVE PEOPLE BENEFITING FROM AND CASHING IN ON MY BUSINESS IDEAS AND MY WRITING AND THEY ARE STILL TRYING TO PULL THE "YOUR A MEDIUM FOR B ROUTINE"
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GIVE A HOMELESS GIRL CREDIT FOR HER OWN BRAIN AND WRITING? I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THINGS i NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE AND SOME PERSON ALWAYS COMES IN AT THE END AND TAKES CREDIT FOR IT, WHEN THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
i ALWAYS LOOK PATHETIC IN THE END WHEN i REALLY SHOULD BE PROUD OF WHAT i HAVE CREATED OUT OF THE NOTHINGNESS i HAVE BEEN OFFERED IN THE LAST 6 YEARS. MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN BUSINESS IDEAS STOLEN AND PITCHED TO EXECUTIVES THAT ACCEPTED THE IDEAS, MY WRITING SOMETIMES WORLD FAMOUS BUT B GETS CREDIT FOR IT. CODES BROKEN THAT WON AWARDS, THE LIST GOES ON AND ON BUT YET NO ONE FINDS THE VALUE IN ALLOWING ME SHELTER WITH THE PEOPLE I LOVE? HOW COME I HAVE NO VALUE TO YOU BUT YOU CONTINUE TO REAP THE BENEFITS OF MY MIND IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER. iM OUT HERE PETRAFIED ON THE STREET ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH AND WITH ALL THE MONEY BETWEEN YOU YOU DONT FIND THE VALUE IN BRINGING ME IN OFF THE STREET AT THE VERY LEAST AS A SMART BUSINESS MOVE? i WOULD PREFER FOR YOU TO ACTUALLY LOVE ME BUT I WOULD SETTLE FOR A MUTUAL BUSINESS ARANGEMENT WHERE I ORIGINATE IDEAS AND GIVE YOU A PERCENTAGE FOR SAVING ME.
i LOVE MY FATHER, i LOVE MY MOTHER AND i HAVE ACCOMPLISHED MORE IN 6 YEARS THAN THEY DID IN THEIR LIFETIMES--THEY SHOULD BE SO PROUD, BUT INSTEAD, IM NEVER GOING TO BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR EITHER OF THEM AND THEY LEAVE A BRILLIANT MIND TO BE ANTAGONIZED AND HARASSED OUT ON THE STREET. i REALLY LOVE YOU BUT HOW COULD YOU CONSCIOUSLY LEAVE ME TO DIE WITH CONJESTIVE HEART FAILURE OUT ON THE STREET?
NOT ONLY THAT BUT SOME CHICKEN SHIT KEEPS LYING TO MY FATHER AND TELLING HIM THAT i STEAL THINGS RANDOMLY. THEY JUST LIED TO HIM AND TOLD HIM THAT I STOLED CREDIT CARDS AND FORGED CHECKS. I HAD A LADY HIDE HER WALLET AROUND ME THE OTHER DAY AND i WAS MORTIFIED, AS I AM THE MOST TRUSTWORTHY NON-THEIF THERE EVER WAS ON EARTH. BUT THEY JUST KEEP LYING TO MY FATHER SO THAT HE WONT HELP ME.
i APPOLOGIZE TO MY FATHER THAT HE KEEPS GETTING LIED TO AND I APPOLOGIZE THAT IT STILL HASN'T OCCURED TO HIM TO ACTUALLY ASK WHAT MY VERSION OF THE STORY MAY BE. HE REALLY MUST NOT KNOW ME AT ALL IF HE THINKS THAT i GO AROUND STEALING THINGS. I LOVE YOU ANYWAY.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
What did I ever do to these people to make them hate me?
I keep trying to figure out why an entire population would lie so extensively about me. What did I ever do to them? Even if they have a reason, whatever I did is probably the result of the aspergers syndrome and I probably had no knowledge that I even upset them in the process. I shouldn't have to play games when I mean no ill will to anyone. Why would "B" be mad at me, Im the one homeless and defiled while "B" takes credit for everything I have ever done. I never intentionally did anything to the "B" group. Im worn out and almost dying from conjestive heart failure to exhausted to walk a mile most days and they always make it about "B" how wronged this person who is sailing off my accomplishments in life is while I suffer the second heart attack out on the street two weeks ago, in 3 years. My body and mind are suffering immensely and they are always trying to make me look like I am some sort of bad person when I've had nothing close to a normal existance in years but they all are mad at me over "B" who is accepted and loved by all my old friends and family members as I am out on the street, ignored because they chose to love "B" over someone they have known their whole life. Im the one that is pregnant and people keep trying to give impossible ultimatums to. Im the one who did nothing wrong and whose whole life has been taken out from underneathe them. "B" had everyone all along. How bad could that life be, all the love in the world and people willing to almost kill an innocent girl for your benefit. Like I said, I have nothing against "B" but I dont appreciate being given outrageous ultimatums that dont even include basic civil rights left intact. Im not even treated like a person. Im told how things will be and forget the rest, then lied about and made to look bad to an entire planet everytime I try to do anything normal. Im pregnant and not allowed to eat, have a bad heart but not allowed to ail, Im tired of this life and having no options but always creating something amazing out of nothing. Using the resources that I have right in front of me which usually includes the dirt that I sit on and a pen and paper and the whole world is treating me like a murderer, sex offender and they never stop lying and calling me a thief, yet Ive done nothing to them. Its like my breathing hinders them somehow but yet no one will put both of us out of our misery.
All this because I dont want to give up my child? But before that it was something else, what about all the impossible demands over the last 6 years for no reason at all and every good intention twisted and made to look like something aweful. Ive done nothing to be so degraded and defiled in this life. I loved everyone equally and never thought that I was better than anyone. I cant find a logical reason for why I am hated on a global level when I would never hurt someone intentionally ever.
It doesn't matter, I'll be dead soon. My heart cant take much more stress and my baby is putting demands on my body that are making it hard for me on a normal level let alone with what everyone expects of me. Usually expecting from me what they would consider abuse if it were them that had to deal with it.
I really am the true Jason Bourne but always some other person is credited with going through hell and back and given the rights to tell my story when they endured a situation for a few months while I was being abused for the last 6 years and had to travel 21,000 miles to keep my life.
Just the pregnancy alone, I've lived like jason bourne with a baby and I bet April will get credit for that to. Every thing I experience discounted and someone that isn't even pregnant held in higher esteem while I lived like hell for this entire pregnancy. Im so tired of it. I have no faith left in anyone accept my child.
All this because I dont want to give up my child? But before that it was something else, what about all the impossible demands over the last 6 years for no reason at all and every good intention twisted and made to look like something aweful. Ive done nothing to be so degraded and defiled in this life. I loved everyone equally and never thought that I was better than anyone. I cant find a logical reason for why I am hated on a global level when I would never hurt someone intentionally ever.
It doesn't matter, I'll be dead soon. My heart cant take much more stress and my baby is putting demands on my body that are making it hard for me on a normal level let alone with what everyone expects of me. Usually expecting from me what they would consider abuse if it were them that had to deal with it.
I really am the true Jason Bourne but always some other person is credited with going through hell and back and given the rights to tell my story when they endured a situation for a few months while I was being abused for the last 6 years and had to travel 21,000 miles to keep my life.
Just the pregnancy alone, I've lived like jason bourne with a baby and I bet April will get credit for that to. Every thing I experience discounted and someone that isn't even pregnant held in higher esteem while I lived like hell for this entire pregnancy. Im so tired of it. I have no faith left in anyone accept my child.
Friday, August 21, 2009
GANG STALKING IS WHAT IVE BEEN ENDURING FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS
THE DEFINITION OF GANG STALKING
Gang Stalking is a systemic form of control, which seeks to destroy every aspect of a Targeted Individuals life. A covert investigation is opened and the target is followed around 24/7 by Civilian Spies/Snitches. Overt and covert methods are used as part of the surveillance process. The Informants can be parts of these community oriented policing programs, but often they are just average citizens. Just like with Cointelpro investigations, everyone in the targets life is contacted and asked to be a part of the ongoing, never ending monitoring (systemic harassment), which is designed to destroy the target over years and leave them with no form of support.
Gang Stalking is experienced by Targeted Individuals as psychological attack, that is capable of immobilizing and destroying a target over time. The covert methods used often leave no evidence to incriminate the Civilian Spies. It's similar to workplace mobbing, but takes place outside in the community. It called Gang Stalking, because groups of community Spies organise to stalk and monitor targets 24/7. READ MORE
Gang Stalking is a covert investigation that is opened on an individual. The individual is then placed under overt and covert forms of surveillance. The person is followed around 24/7. Foot patrols and vehicle patrols are used to follow the Individual around, as part of the monitoring process. During these patrols a one handed sign language is used to assist the citizen informants with communicating to each other. Gang Stalking is also systemic form of control, which seeks to control every aspect of a Targeted Individuals life. Gang Stalking has many similarities to workplace mobbing, but takes place outside in the community. It called Gang Stalking, because the target is followed around and placed under intrusive and directed surveillance by groups of organised "Covert Human Intelligence Sources" also known as Citizen Informants 24/7. Using anti-terror laws to spy on ordinary people. Many Targeted Individuals are harassed and placed under surveillance in this way for months or even years before they realise that they are being targeted by an organised protocol of harassment.What happens during this Gang Stalking surveillance is very similar to what happened to many innocent individuals in the former East Germany or Activists and Dissidents in Russia. Many innocent people in the former East Germany would be targeted for these harassment programs, and then their friends, family, and the community at large would be used to monitor, prosecute, and harass them. In Russia it was used by the state to declare activist, dissidents or anyone they thought to be an enemy of the state as mentally unfit and many were institutionalised using this form of systemic control.The closest thing to Gang Stalking that democratic countries have seen before this is McCarthyism, Cointelpro, and RED SQUAD programs. Red Squad programs were used for monitoring, and harassment of various groups. They have been in place for over a hundred years, and they also employed Covert Human Intelligence Sources.Civilian Spies, also known as "Covert Human Intelligence Sources" are recruited from every level and sector of society. Just like with Cointelpro investigations, everyone in the targets life is made a part of this ongoing never ending, systemic psychological harassment and manipulation of the target. These actions are specifically designed to control the target and to keep them in line. These actions are also designed to destroy the target over years, make them look crazy and leave them with no form of support.For the targets of this harassment, Gang Stalking is experienced as a covert psychological, emotional and physical attack, that is capable of immobilizing and destroying a target over time. For the state it’s a way to keep the targets in line, control them, or destroy them.Worldwide programs of control and conformity have been used with equal success and lethality. What we are seeing now is a global co-ordinated and organised effort of control and conformity. Many countries around the world are currently using a model of policing called: Community Oriented Policing. It's described as a systemic approach to policing. It focuses on instilling a sense of community within a geographically located neighborhood. Communities come together and discuss what values they would like to have in their community, community development, and it's also a time to discuss any problems that might be happening in a specific area. If a problem is identified an investigation might be opened. These local programs in many countries have been forming partnerships with other government run programs at, provincial, state and federal levels. Reports of Gang Stalking are not only coming in from democratic countries, but they are coming in from many other countries as well.The modern day systemic form of control could only be funded at higher governmental levels, just like it has in other societies where these similar types of harassment programs have been implemented. It's all part of a system of control and conformity that has been in place for many years. A system of control with many local groups and appendages taking part.
THE GOAL OF GANG STALKING IS
The goal is to isolate the target from all forms of support, so that the target can be set up in the future for arrest, institutionalisation, or forced suicide. Other goals of this harassment is to destroy the targets reputation and credibility. Make the target look crazy or unstable. Other goals involve sensitizing the target to every day stimuli’s as a form of control, which is used to control targets when they get out of line. Once the target is sensitized, the Citizen Informants have an easier time identifying the Targeted Individual in public. These programs are designed to make the targets of this harassment vulnerable, they want to make them destitute. The secondary goals seems to be to make the target homeless, jobless, give them a breakdown, and the primary goals seems to be to drive the target to forced suicide, just like what they did with some of the targets of Cointelpro. It's a useful way of eliminating perceived enemies of the state.
To read more of what I have been going through go to
www.wavelengthsandprocesses.blogger.com
www.septemberlatitudes.wordpress.com
www.tesscapulet.multiply.com
www.fallingupcheeky.tumblr.com
www.tillyfinn.vox.com
www.sassparent.blogger.com
www.myspace/laci33.com
Some of these sites are an account of all my sufferings, fears and doubts and some entries are my attempt at trying to figure out the different mindtrips that were played on me and the people directly responsible for my hardships. My blogs and the information in them have been used to help relocate other women in danger. Officials, some governmental, used me and the information that I gathered while being forced to reside on the streets to help others and then left me for dead when they knew that I was in danger. Then they lied to you about me, made up erroneous facts about me and told you that I was jealous of what ever girl had reached relocation status.
THIS INFORMATION ON GANG STALKING WAS TAKEN OFF THE
www.gangstalkingworld.com website
Gang Stalking is a systemic form of control, which seeks to destroy every aspect of a Targeted Individuals life. A covert investigation is opened and the target is followed around 24/7 by Civilian Spies/Snitches. Overt and covert methods are used as part of the surveillance process. The Informants can be parts of these community oriented policing programs, but often they are just average citizens. Just like with Cointelpro investigations, everyone in the targets life is contacted and asked to be a part of the ongoing, never ending monitoring (systemic harassment), which is designed to destroy the target over years and leave them with no form of support.
Gang Stalking is experienced by Targeted Individuals as psychological attack, that is capable of immobilizing and destroying a target over time. The covert methods used often leave no evidence to incriminate the Civilian Spies. It's similar to workplace mobbing, but takes place outside in the community. It called Gang Stalking, because groups of community Spies organise to stalk and monitor targets 24/7. READ MORE
Gang Stalking is a covert investigation that is opened on an individual. The individual is then placed under overt and covert forms of surveillance. The person is followed around 24/7. Foot patrols and vehicle patrols are used to follow the Individual around, as part of the monitoring process. During these patrols a one handed sign language is used to assist the citizen informants with communicating to each other. Gang Stalking is also systemic form of control, which seeks to control every aspect of a Targeted Individuals life. Gang Stalking has many similarities to workplace mobbing, but takes place outside in the community. It called Gang Stalking, because the target is followed around and placed under intrusive and directed surveillance by groups of organised "Covert Human Intelligence Sources" also known as Citizen Informants 24/7. Using anti-terror laws to spy on ordinary people. Many Targeted Individuals are harassed and placed under surveillance in this way for months or even years before they realise that they are being targeted by an organised protocol of harassment.What happens during this Gang Stalking surveillance is very similar to what happened to many innocent individuals in the former East Germany or Activists and Dissidents in Russia. Many innocent people in the former East Germany would be targeted for these harassment programs, and then their friends, family, and the community at large would be used to monitor, prosecute, and harass them. In Russia it was used by the state to declare activist, dissidents or anyone they thought to be an enemy of the state as mentally unfit and many were institutionalised using this form of systemic control.The closest thing to Gang Stalking that democratic countries have seen before this is McCarthyism, Cointelpro, and RED SQUAD programs. Red Squad programs were used for monitoring, and harassment of various groups. They have been in place for over a hundred years, and they also employed Covert Human Intelligence Sources.Civilian Spies, also known as "Covert Human Intelligence Sources" are recruited from every level and sector of society. Just like with Cointelpro investigations, everyone in the targets life is made a part of this ongoing never ending, systemic psychological harassment and manipulation of the target. These actions are specifically designed to control the target and to keep them in line. These actions are also designed to destroy the target over years, make them look crazy and leave them with no form of support.For the targets of this harassment, Gang Stalking is experienced as a covert psychological, emotional and physical attack, that is capable of immobilizing and destroying a target over time. For the state it’s a way to keep the targets in line, control them, or destroy them.Worldwide programs of control and conformity have been used with equal success and lethality. What we are seeing now is a global co-ordinated and organised effort of control and conformity. Many countries around the world are currently using a model of policing called: Community Oriented Policing. It's described as a systemic approach to policing. It focuses on instilling a sense of community within a geographically located neighborhood. Communities come together and discuss what values they would like to have in their community, community development, and it's also a time to discuss any problems that might be happening in a specific area. If a problem is identified an investigation might be opened. These local programs in many countries have been forming partnerships with other government run programs at, provincial, state and federal levels. Reports of Gang Stalking are not only coming in from democratic countries, but they are coming in from many other countries as well.The modern day systemic form of control could only be funded at higher governmental levels, just like it has in other societies where these similar types of harassment programs have been implemented. It's all part of a system of control and conformity that has been in place for many years. A system of control with many local groups and appendages taking part.
THE GOAL OF GANG STALKING IS
The goal is to isolate the target from all forms of support, so that the target can be set up in the future for arrest, institutionalisation, or forced suicide. Other goals of this harassment is to destroy the targets reputation and credibility. Make the target look crazy or unstable. Other goals involve sensitizing the target to every day stimuli’s as a form of control, which is used to control targets when they get out of line. Once the target is sensitized, the Citizen Informants have an easier time identifying the Targeted Individual in public. These programs are designed to make the targets of this harassment vulnerable, they want to make them destitute. The secondary goals seems to be to make the target homeless, jobless, give them a breakdown, and the primary goals seems to be to drive the target to forced suicide, just like what they did with some of the targets of Cointelpro. It's a useful way of eliminating perceived enemies of the state.
To read more of what I have been going through go to
www.wavelengthsandprocesses.blogger.com
www.septemberlatitudes.wordpress.com
www.tesscapulet.multiply.com
www.fallingupcheeky.tumblr.com
www.tillyfinn.vox.com
www.sassparent.blogger.com
www.myspace/laci33.com
Some of these sites are an account of all my sufferings, fears and doubts and some entries are my attempt at trying to figure out the different mindtrips that were played on me and the people directly responsible for my hardships. My blogs and the information in them have been used to help relocate other women in danger. Officials, some governmental, used me and the information that I gathered while being forced to reside on the streets to help others and then left me for dead when they knew that I was in danger. Then they lied to you about me, made up erroneous facts about me and told you that I was jealous of what ever girl had reached relocation status.
THIS INFORMATION ON GANG STALKING WAS TAKEN OFF THE
www.gangstalkingworld.com website
All the abuse Ive endured, the stalking and harassment, badgering and mental abuse once again totally discounted because their money talks
Okay so here is the scenario. They expect me to go to jail for something that never happened so that they can take my baby. The funny thing is that they have been trying to make this deal with me for the last 4 years, go to jail for something I didn't do because some people that you may currently be worshipping, did some very illeagal things to me in order to take away credit for my accomplishments. Basically they lied to you, told you I was this horrible crazy person and then as I was litterally having to live as if I was Jason Bourne, enlisted the help of a bunch of low life stalkers to keep tabs on me.
One of those stalkers, the man in the white t-shirt who basically almost raped me by putting someones physical health in danger if I didn't agree to sleep with him has stalked me a total of 6000 miles and now conveniently has decided to take up residence in sonoma county. These people that keep demanding jail time from me for a crime that didn't happen know full well and have encouraged this man the entire time.
This man is not the father and this has been the biggest attempt I have ever seen to set up an innocent person and use some two bit low life willing to endanger the lives of an innocent woman and developing baby to try and gain access to a baby that they have already exchanged money for. Yes, that is correct, they have sold my baby through a baby broker and I have know this for quite some time and the whole reason that I returned to sonoma county was in desperation to find help from past friends and family since I have a long history here. The problem, all my old associations were in on it and already knew that someone was planning on taking my baby from its birth. As a result, I am here in my own home county and am being treated like crap by the same people that didn't think that I would find out about what they are trying to pull behind my back.
I cant believe what money helps you get away with in this world. They have attempted to destroy my life in every direction and this was happening long before I got pregnant. They play aweful head games to keep me all confused and make you believe that I am either crazy or somehow some sort of bad person. I've got a bunch of people that are unwanted in my life that are stalking me and refuse to go away and live in their own rhelms. This has all been made legal by corrupt officials.
I have upwards of hundreds of stalkers that have been following me from place to place now for what seems like forever, thats why I was in canada in the first place. To get away from people that refuse to go away and just assume that it is their right to try and take away any sort of quality of life I may have had.
I am not a criminal. These people have lied about everything and now tryed to used my baby as leverage. I want the man in the white- t- shirt in jail for endangering my child for the last 9 months the life of a child and felony stalking. I have had to hide, camp, run 6000 miles across the country, I got kidnapped by him in oklahoma and he knows this baby isn't his because him and his "accomplices" were willing to taze me and the baby when I was 5 months pregnant. What an ultimate sleeze ball. Now he's moved here to try and control my life as well as an infant that isn't his so that he can continue the power trip he's been on since he met me. I wonder what he would have done had he not met me that day in CAnada? I wish I never had met him as my life has been totally ruined since.
I am ultimately frustrated, who wouldn't be. I've had all this trash thrown into a normal life and now I am lucky if anyone will treat me like a normal person that happens to have aspergers syndrome. I really need some healing time, time to be a normal person without all the drama and people accusing me of aweful things that couldn't be farther from the truth. Distance from immature boys and girls that have nothing better to do than to test ME everyday to see if I want their dumb ass mate or not and to see whether or not I am a lady or in their verbage a "ho". Im tired of being 34 years old and not able to be a functioning part of my own age group because a bunch of 20 somethings have too much time and resources in their day and decide to not ever leave me alone. I want to be around mature functioning adults that aren't trying to prove something stupid like me wanting their mate. Im tired of having things included in my day that have nothing to do with logic, productivity or moving forward.
THE DEFINITION OF GANG STALKING IS
Gang Stalking is a systemic form of control, which seeks to destroy every aspect of a Targeted Individuals life. A covert investigation is opened and the target is followed around 24/7 by Civilian Spies/Snitches. Overt and covert methods are used as part of the surveillance process. The Informants can be parts of these community oriented policing programs, but often they are just average citizens. Just like with Cointelpro investigations, everyone in the targets life is contacted and asked to be a part of the ongoing, never ending monitoring (systemic harassment), which is designed to destroy the target over years and leave them with no form of support. Gang Stalking is a covert investigation that is opened on an individual. The individual is then placed under overt and covert forms of surveillance. The person is followed around 24/7. Foot patrols and vehicle patrols are used to follow the Individual around, as part of the monitoring process. During these patrols a one handed sign language is used to assist the citizen informants with communicating to each other. Gang Stalking is also systemic form of control, which seeks to control every aspect of a Targeted Individuals life. Gang Stalking has many similarities to workplace mobbing, but takes place outside in the community. It called Gang Stalking, because the target is followed around and placed under intrusive and directed surveillance by groups of organised "Covert Human Intelligence Sources" also known as Citizen Informants 24/7. Using anti-terror laws to spy on ordinary people.
THE GOAL OF GANG STALKING IS
The goal is to isolate the target from all forms of support, so that the target can be set up in the future for arrest, institutionalisation, or forced suicide. Other goals of this harassment is to destroy the targets reputation and credibility. Make the target look crazy or unstable. Other goals involve sensitizing the target to every day stimuli’s as a form of control, which is used to control targets when they get out of line. Once the target is sensitized, the Citizen Informants have an easier time identifying the Targeted Individual in public. These programs are designed to make the targets of this harassment vulnerable, they want to make them destitute. The secondary goals seems to be to make the target homeless, jobless, give them a breakdown, and the primary goals seems to be to drive the target to forced suicide, just like what they did with some of the targets of Cointelpro. It's a useful way of eliminating perceived enemies of the state.
One of those stalkers, the man in the white t-shirt who basically almost raped me by putting someones physical health in danger if I didn't agree to sleep with him has stalked me a total of 6000 miles and now conveniently has decided to take up residence in sonoma county. These people that keep demanding jail time from me for a crime that didn't happen know full well and have encouraged this man the entire time.
This man is not the father and this has been the biggest attempt I have ever seen to set up an innocent person and use some two bit low life willing to endanger the lives of an innocent woman and developing baby to try and gain access to a baby that they have already exchanged money for. Yes, that is correct, they have sold my baby through a baby broker and I have know this for quite some time and the whole reason that I returned to sonoma county was in desperation to find help from past friends and family since I have a long history here. The problem, all my old associations were in on it and already knew that someone was planning on taking my baby from its birth. As a result, I am here in my own home county and am being treated like crap by the same people that didn't think that I would find out about what they are trying to pull behind my back.
I cant believe what money helps you get away with in this world. They have attempted to destroy my life in every direction and this was happening long before I got pregnant. They play aweful head games to keep me all confused and make you believe that I am either crazy or somehow some sort of bad person. I've got a bunch of people that are unwanted in my life that are stalking me and refuse to go away and live in their own rhelms. This has all been made legal by corrupt officials.
I have upwards of hundreds of stalkers that have been following me from place to place now for what seems like forever, thats why I was in canada in the first place. To get away from people that refuse to go away and just assume that it is their right to try and take away any sort of quality of life I may have had.
I am not a criminal. These people have lied about everything and now tryed to used my baby as leverage. I want the man in the white- t- shirt in jail for endangering my child for the last 9 months the life of a child and felony stalking. I have had to hide, camp, run 6000 miles across the country, I got kidnapped by him in oklahoma and he knows this baby isn't his because him and his "accomplices" were willing to taze me and the baby when I was 5 months pregnant. What an ultimate sleeze ball. Now he's moved here to try and control my life as well as an infant that isn't his so that he can continue the power trip he's been on since he met me. I wonder what he would have done had he not met me that day in CAnada? I wish I never had met him as my life has been totally ruined since.
I am ultimately frustrated, who wouldn't be. I've had all this trash thrown into a normal life and now I am lucky if anyone will treat me like a normal person that happens to have aspergers syndrome. I really need some healing time, time to be a normal person without all the drama and people accusing me of aweful things that couldn't be farther from the truth. Distance from immature boys and girls that have nothing better to do than to test ME everyday to see if I want their dumb ass mate or not and to see whether or not I am a lady or in their verbage a "ho". Im tired of being 34 years old and not able to be a functioning part of my own age group because a bunch of 20 somethings have too much time and resources in their day and decide to not ever leave me alone. I want to be around mature functioning adults that aren't trying to prove something stupid like me wanting their mate. Im tired of having things included in my day that have nothing to do with logic, productivity or moving forward.
THE DEFINITION OF GANG STALKING IS
Gang Stalking is a systemic form of control, which seeks to destroy every aspect of a Targeted Individuals life. A covert investigation is opened and the target is followed around 24/7 by Civilian Spies/Snitches. Overt and covert methods are used as part of the surveillance process. The Informants can be parts of these community oriented policing programs, but often they are just average citizens. Just like with Cointelpro investigations, everyone in the targets life is contacted and asked to be a part of the ongoing, never ending monitoring (systemic harassment), which is designed to destroy the target over years and leave them with no form of support. Gang Stalking is a covert investigation that is opened on an individual. The individual is then placed under overt and covert forms of surveillance. The person is followed around 24/7. Foot patrols and vehicle patrols are used to follow the Individual around, as part of the monitoring process. During these patrols a one handed sign language is used to assist the citizen informants with communicating to each other. Gang Stalking is also systemic form of control, which seeks to control every aspect of a Targeted Individuals life. Gang Stalking has many similarities to workplace mobbing, but takes place outside in the community. It called Gang Stalking, because the target is followed around and placed under intrusive and directed surveillance by groups of organised "Covert Human Intelligence Sources" also known as Citizen Informants 24/7. Using anti-terror laws to spy on ordinary people.
THE GOAL OF GANG STALKING IS
The goal is to isolate the target from all forms of support, so that the target can be set up in the future for arrest, institutionalisation, or forced suicide. Other goals of this harassment is to destroy the targets reputation and credibility. Make the target look crazy or unstable. Other goals involve sensitizing the target to every day stimuli’s as a form of control, which is used to control targets when they get out of line. Once the target is sensitized, the Citizen Informants have an easier time identifying the Targeted Individual in public. These programs are designed to make the targets of this harassment vulnerable, they want to make them destitute. The secondary goals seems to be to make the target homeless, jobless, give them a breakdown, and the primary goals seems to be to drive the target to forced suicide, just like what they did with some of the targets of Cointelpro. It's a useful way of eliminating perceived enemies of the state.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
You sold before I was done trying to figure out exactly the right path, you should have a little more patience with someone that is extremely pregnant
Im pushing myself the best I can and you dont seem to understand that my body cant possibly keep up with some demands. I have congestive heart failure, autism and am extremely pregnant not to mention beyond stressed out trying to stay away from the white-t-shirt canada man saga and a family member that wont leave me alone. I wish you would be a little less hasty and trust that I still haven't changed my views but sometimes need the couple extra hours to a couple extra days to process information correctly and take action, not to mention push my body to get from place to place--this isn't a game to me and mistakes are costing me mine and my childs welbeing because of all the selfish people that want control. Im not very inclined to make sudden decisions without careful consideration of everything at stake. I want nothing to do with Sorry. No I want no marriage to a man in a White t-shirt that I knew in canada for 1 day of my life!!!!!!!!!!!NO he again is NOT THE FATHER, thats like asking me to marry ED-----Forget it!, Never in a million years.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
They are really pushing me
Now I've got people coughing at my child. Meaning...everytime I think of my own flesh and blood or try to mention my kid...they cough. They are lucky they dont get a fist in their face! Dont mess with the relationship between me and a child that I've gone to lengths for that you have no knowledge of.
Also, Im totally sensitive to living in a world where everyone is trying to one-up everyone, everyone is competing and its getting totally absurd. When a pregnant woman cant even nourish her body because the fate of someones games rests on her ability to duck and weave a bunch of ill intentioned tactics there is something very wrong.
That was just an example. There are tons of regular people that are stuck in the same hampster wheel. Always spinning around, running from place to place but the credit for the exercise doesn't get applied to your own body, its given to the man or woman ruling the game. That is the world that I live in. A world where increadible amounts of courage, perserverance, enginuity, strenght, tolerance, kindness, embarassments, successes, failures and never ending forgiveness gets divied out to a bunch of people that didn't even lift a finger and your left in the end with nothing but wasted time and energy when technically you should have acheived the title of world leader by then.
Im not even speaking of monetary benefits, they dont even have the decency to leave you with any amount of respect or dignity let alone protection from future attacks because you walk around with a dangerous brain. Not lethal because you have bad intentions but your so freakin smart and observant that your bound to find yourself running for your life much like a character in "The Pelican Brief". When you know things that just make people angry and you live in a bubble that they have created to make it appear as if everything is normal but really your living in a "Truman Show" life can never be satisfying. Not if you are real. Not if you crave reality. Eventually your going to want people around you that have real feelings and thought processes. Your going to want to talk to someone that isn't paid to be there.
Also, Im tired of colors indicating what "group" of people that you belong to. Im sick of the whole thing, its all totally dumb. Are you aware that I cant even sleep with a blanket? Im supposed to not eat, sleep, drink, laugh, smile, walk, drive, be indoors or be outside, technically Im not supposed to breathe but I cant seem to stop. How in the hell am I supposed to function under these circumstances. Im not a criminal but I am living as if I am responsible for the full blown massacre of high level government officials somewhere in the world and all I am is a brilliant pregnant girl trying to raise an awesome spirit.
Im tired of being put against the people that I care about. I worry about people that probably could care less about me and continue to wonder why, but all I can determine is that it is because that is who I am meant to be in this life...concerned about peoples health and well being and would never want anything bad to happen to people that legitimately have tried to help. The others....the snide...they can rot for all I care but Im proud of myself because I just now got to the point where I could tell them to kiss off. I used to care about these assholes also, so I guess you can say that I have made progress. I hope you choke on your cough. You want to go around taking credit and ownership over people and individuals you should try actually putting in the effort instead of sitting on your lazy ass waiting for me to mess up in the game so that you can be crowned the winner. Ive traveled extensively with no means of transportation and have had to creatively find ways to survive like a damn green baret or a fucking navy seal and it infuriates me that your fat ass comes along (refering to this white t-shirt man and his accomplices) and tries to "own" everything in my hard earned life with your fucking cough. You never even gave up your own way of life and you think that you are going to be running mine. Keep coughing....one day something is going to make you choke and if Im around, I might just freeze up at the sight like a deer in the headlights instead knowing how to help poor pathetic you who never knew what real suffering is like. You shouldn't play with toys you haven't read the warning labels to. But go ahead, keep coughing and if you really want to make your pathetic life more exciting keep pushing me.
I was actually going to teach you how to do your hair without the missmatched edges you've got going on (Its a simple trick) before you started all that, I felt bad for you. Instead I think I'll let you walk around like that since you think that you are so superior, right? Not today girlfriend, not in an arena full of beautiful women that know that all you had to do was "try" to make your hair line straighter. See, you might force me to be so freaken tough all the time but I am all woman at heart. I could teach you but you chose to be a total ..........well.....you fill in the blank.
And totally unrelated to that Thank you to the nice man last night.
Also to the people that think that their feet are more important than someone elses and that people shouldn't be allowed to walk away from you.......get over yourself! You have the same amound of bones and ligaments as everyone else, no matter how pedicured they are. With all that status you should be totally content in helping others achieve the same level of success instead of trying to hurt someone for something absurd.
Also, Im totally sensitive to living in a world where everyone is trying to one-up everyone, everyone is competing and its getting totally absurd. When a pregnant woman cant even nourish her body because the fate of someones games rests on her ability to duck and weave a bunch of ill intentioned tactics there is something very wrong.
That was just an example. There are tons of regular people that are stuck in the same hampster wheel. Always spinning around, running from place to place but the credit for the exercise doesn't get applied to your own body, its given to the man or woman ruling the game. That is the world that I live in. A world where increadible amounts of courage, perserverance, enginuity, strenght, tolerance, kindness, embarassments, successes, failures and never ending forgiveness gets divied out to a bunch of people that didn't even lift a finger and your left in the end with nothing but wasted time and energy when technically you should have acheived the title of world leader by then.
Im not even speaking of monetary benefits, they dont even have the decency to leave you with any amount of respect or dignity let alone protection from future attacks because you walk around with a dangerous brain. Not lethal because you have bad intentions but your so freakin smart and observant that your bound to find yourself running for your life much like a character in "The Pelican Brief". When you know things that just make people angry and you live in a bubble that they have created to make it appear as if everything is normal but really your living in a "Truman Show" life can never be satisfying. Not if you are real. Not if you crave reality. Eventually your going to want people around you that have real feelings and thought processes. Your going to want to talk to someone that isn't paid to be there.
Also, Im tired of colors indicating what "group" of people that you belong to. Im sick of the whole thing, its all totally dumb. Are you aware that I cant even sleep with a blanket? Im supposed to not eat, sleep, drink, laugh, smile, walk, drive, be indoors or be outside, technically Im not supposed to breathe but I cant seem to stop. How in the hell am I supposed to function under these circumstances. Im not a criminal but I am living as if I am responsible for the full blown massacre of high level government officials somewhere in the world and all I am is a brilliant pregnant girl trying to raise an awesome spirit.
Im tired of being put against the people that I care about. I worry about people that probably could care less about me and continue to wonder why, but all I can determine is that it is because that is who I am meant to be in this life...concerned about peoples health and well being and would never want anything bad to happen to people that legitimately have tried to help. The others....the snide...they can rot for all I care but Im proud of myself because I just now got to the point where I could tell them to kiss off. I used to care about these assholes also, so I guess you can say that I have made progress. I hope you choke on your cough. You want to go around taking credit and ownership over people and individuals you should try actually putting in the effort instead of sitting on your lazy ass waiting for me to mess up in the game so that you can be crowned the winner. Ive traveled extensively with no means of transportation and have had to creatively find ways to survive like a damn green baret or a fucking navy seal and it infuriates me that your fat ass comes along (refering to this white t-shirt man and his accomplices) and tries to "own" everything in my hard earned life with your fucking cough. You never even gave up your own way of life and you think that you are going to be running mine. Keep coughing....one day something is going to make you choke and if Im around, I might just freeze up at the sight like a deer in the headlights instead knowing how to help poor pathetic you who never knew what real suffering is like. You shouldn't play with toys you haven't read the warning labels to. But go ahead, keep coughing and if you really want to make your pathetic life more exciting keep pushing me.
I was actually going to teach you how to do your hair without the missmatched edges you've got going on (Its a simple trick) before you started all that, I felt bad for you. Instead I think I'll let you walk around like that since you think that you are so superior, right? Not today girlfriend, not in an arena full of beautiful women that know that all you had to do was "try" to make your hair line straighter. See, you might force me to be so freaken tough all the time but I am all woman at heart. I could teach you but you chose to be a total ..........well.....you fill in the blank.
And totally unrelated to that Thank you to the nice man last night.
Also to the people that think that their feet are more important than someone elses and that people shouldn't be allowed to walk away from you.......get over yourself! You have the same amound of bones and ligaments as everyone else, no matter how pedicured they are. With all that status you should be totally content in helping others achieve the same level of success instead of trying to hurt someone for something absurd.
Monday, August 17, 2009
NOTE
I really hope April, Tara, and Kendall are all alright even though I know that they dont care about me anymore. Im not trying to create a war with any of them, Im just expressing myself.
There is a man that is always threatening me that is related to me. He makes there be some sort of consequence for normal behaviors. Things such as trying to have shelter, eating and drinking liquids, traveling about the county in order to run errands and visit old friends results in constant threats of being lit on fire or jailed, not to mention constant accusations of various crimes including terrorism and treason (I am the farthest person from these things) and it didn't happen. he is a military vet that expects me to live a military like lifestyle while Im pregnant and at all other times, including forcing me to camp 3 weeks before Im supposed to give birth or risk going to jail for a crime I didn't partake in. I am continually threatened with prostitution if i dont admit to being an auto thief, a killer, or a sex offender-none of which are true. I am being mentally forced to play military games while trying to cope with Aspergers syndrome a form of Autism.
I grew up in this county and have junior high (Hilliard Comstock Jr. High) and High school (Piner) Transcripts to prove it. I have every right to be in this county as I have close to 20 years worth of history here.
he has spread false rumors that I am stalking another woman and accuses me of wanting her husband. Im giving birth in 3-4 weeks and can assure you that I am not interested in someones husband and wish to be left alone from all the drama that was supposedly caused by me in regard to the wedding (even though I had no knowledge what so ever of any of these events...the wedding or having a supposed interest in the groom, I really had no interest at all I was just trying to connect with old friend and prepare for my kids arrival.)
I moved back here to simplify my life as I am going to be a single parent and knowing the this county (where everything in it is located) gives me comfort in a world where I'm all alone.
I am trying to focus finally on just me and my child. I dont want your man never have. Im not a criminal and I am tired of being lied about and treated like one. I litterally have done nothing wrong except not understand things sometimes as they are thrown at me because of the autism. I shouldn't have to deal with physical assaults by overzealous ex-military personnel because he lied about some totally normal behavior like sleeping indoors or eating or drinking liquids. I have been beaten physically too many times for supposedly being "okay" a term that makes absolutely no sense to me at all. I didn't grow up with people punishing others for having their own personalities or not understanding what the issue is to begin with. Im tired of being hurt because someone thought that I was "okay". I believe in letting people be however they are meant to be. With the autism I am late processing almost all forms of communication and these people never take that into consideration.
I grew up in this county and have junior high (Hilliard Comstock Jr. High) and High school (Piner) Transcripts to prove it. I have every right to be in this county as I have close to 20 years worth of history here.
he has spread false rumors that I am stalking another woman and accuses me of wanting her husband. Im giving birth in 3-4 weeks and can assure you that I am not interested in someones husband and wish to be left alone from all the drama that was supposedly caused by me in regard to the wedding (even though I had no knowledge what so ever of any of these events...the wedding or having a supposed interest in the groom, I really had no interest at all I was just trying to connect with old friend and prepare for my kids arrival.)
I moved back here to simplify my life as I am going to be a single parent and knowing the this county (where everything in it is located) gives me comfort in a world where I'm all alone.
I am trying to focus finally on just me and my child. I dont want your man never have. Im not a criminal and I am tired of being lied about and treated like one. I litterally have done nothing wrong except not understand things sometimes as they are thrown at me because of the autism. I shouldn't have to deal with physical assaults by overzealous ex-military personnel because he lied about some totally normal behavior like sleeping indoors or eating or drinking liquids. I have been beaten physically too many times for supposedly being "okay" a term that makes absolutely no sense to me at all. I didn't grow up with people punishing others for having their own personalities or not understanding what the issue is to begin with. Im tired of being hurt because someone thought that I was "okay". I believe in letting people be however they are meant to be. With the autism I am late processing almost all forms of communication and these people never take that into consideration.
These people are still under the impression that they are taking my child from me. Its amazing. They think the father is a man that goes by the name of Robert Sorry, and again, for the millionth time it isn't his baby. This is a religious group affiliated with Bobby or Robert Sorry. They aren't getting it apparently that this is not his offspring. They have no claim to the baby at all. Im not part of the commune and Sorry is not the father. The man from canada that they keep setting me up to look as if I am carrying his child is not the father. He is not the father, you have no rights. Go away. They've even told people that the baby is two weeks past its due date and that they should have the right to induce labor. Their constant intrusion and pushyness hasn't ceased sinced I got pregnant a month and a half after I supposedly conceived "their" version of this saga. They just aren't getting it that they aren't going to be naming this child "GREG" and that the baby has nothing to do with them. They tell people that I am "late" giving birth yet my due date isn't until September 6th -13th. Meaning, Im not "late" giving birth at all. Amazing how they alter facts to suit their needs and try to take a baby that is totally unrelated to their group of people.
No one has the right to take my child, its totally unconstitutional and it is because of their relentless pursuit of a baby they have no right to that I have had to go to such extreme lengths to keep both of us safe including but not limited to full on hiding. I know that my rights are being totally violated and they know that what they are doing has nothing to do with being "okay" or not "okay". They decided they wanted my child and now they are apparently willing to break the law in order to get my child. They are even trying to get me commited to acheive the goal. Not only that, they have broken every law in the book with their defamation of character as well as their constant threats in order to take my kid. I have had to get rather unconventional in order to protect us both from people that refuse to take "no" for an answer. They are an overzealous group of people that think that they can waltz into someones life and take over when there was nothing wrong to begin with.
They seem to think that as long as they can try to convince the world that it is that buffoons baby in the white t-shirts baby that weighs about 260 lbs that they somehow wont be held responsible for the horror that I have gone through during this pregnancy. They should be locked up for stalking, harassment, badgering, threatening, showing illeagally taken video tape (w/out my consent) footage, ruining my life and taking away my earned income through out the last 9 months. Not to mention making it a public debate as to whether or not I came during a sexual encounter that happened only because I was told that if I didn't have sex with the man in the white t-shirt that some one would physically be harmed. I slept with the man to keep someone from getting hurt, under extreme duress and to my horror was put in an impossible situation after 2 years of celibacy. I wasn't about to risk someone getting hurt, thats how I ended up sleeping with him, not because I wanted to. To add insult to injury and what keeps the horrifying experience alive is this mans constant attempts to regulate my life and the life of a child that they know is not his. (I would have given birth the last week of July if it were) There has been a national attempt to find out whether or not I "came" during the video so that they can try to make me look as if I am some sort of sex offender.
I am a victim of this overzealous group of people that wont leave me alone and have tryed to make me a national shame. They are lying and have done everything to capitalize on a pregnancy that has nothing to do with the incident that I speak of. I've had sexual intercourse twice in 3 1/2 years. Once with the overwieght man in the white t-shirt and once with the father of the baby. They have turned me into some sort of freak in the eyes of normal people and have stopped at nothing to try and alter events to suit their time line. The man is not the father and I refuse to be made a national fool much longer. I wont have my child go into the clutches of such a dishonest group of people. The man in the white t-shirt now thinks that he has rights to me and this child and has threatened me with committment for not adhereing to his demands. This is a desparate attempt to keep his new found fame as he has used me and this pregnancy as a meal ticket for 9 months. The "eye" has supposedly accepted him because he has a sex tape and suddenly for 9 months (women technically pregnant for 10 months or 40 weeks) everyone assumes he is the father. He knows he isn't.
I have been humiliated by him and his group of people for the entire pregnancy (a length of time I will never get back) and all because I was threatened into having sex to begin with. My life has been totally ruined by this event and they keep the memory alive every moment of the day. I have been unable to not only get him out of my life but unable to heal from a bad traumatic experience where I felt as if I had no choice but to sleep with someone that I wasn't even attracted to or had feelings for. They have lied to you about everything and have cast a cloud over me and my beautiful child for 9 months now. You have been shunning me for no reason and didn't even know that the baby isn't even his. I appologize that you were lied to.
I waited for this child my whole life and to be perfectly honest I would have never had the white-t-shirt mans child as it wasn't a positive experience. I chose to have this baby because the father was someone that I was not forced into having sex with. This child is a welcome addition to my world where as the other scenario would have been quite opposite. They have ruined my entire pregnancy and lied to you about everything.
Additional truth @:
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