Here's how last night unfolded.....

I have no boyfriend and I am not under the impression that I have a boyfriend. I don't understand why you continue to test me to see if I want someone you are currently with. I do have the right to develop crushes on people the way people develop crushes on someone that may be on TV and or the movies. I am still sexually inactive. This, I am mortified to report. I say mortified not because I am some horny broad but based on the fact that if I haven't had sex that means that there isn't anyone out there that actually wants to be with me, they just lie and say they've been with me and then screw the girl of their choice and then I get accused of coming the next day around everyone that thought it was me getting laid. So basically she get's everything. She gets to become "Harry" for having sex, get's to sleep with a fine as hell man, get's to have the orgasm that I haven't had in seven months now, and then get's to take her place amongst people that I have actually spent the last decade developing connections (without having sex with them) with and then like the bitch she is, sends someone into the store where I am at and tell's me to hitch hike wearing a mens hat (not a baseball cap,a hat with a brim) She tells me to hitch hike based on her coming (orgasming) and trying to force me to leave where Im at based on everyone thinking it was me that came so that she can stay here. Once I get forced into going to another city the cycle starts all over again. I do all the work and everyone thinks she did, she get's paid, I scrape by and have to pay my own expenses while she takes credit for everything about me, and in most cases end up paying for normal things and people have the nerve to start pushing me around and verbally, mentally and sexually abusing me while in stores and other public places. Cashiers sometime's taking it to far when I make a purchase with their snide remarks treating me like trash while never dreaming of treating another person on earth the way they are paid not to treat me but seem to forget that they are employed by a corporation and that I am not their slave....especially when I am purchasing something with my hard earned money. My heart is broken. I didn't do anything to deserve the way I am used and treated like shit everyday. My heart isn't broken over a man, no one will let me even get close enough to one to have an actual heartbreak....I'm just totally sick of how you treat me and how you use me. I've been a mess over the last week and yes I'd love to "move" (in the right sense of the word that is...meaning move to somewhere someone loves me enough to remove me from this kind of harm but I never know what to do and to be truthful I've lost all hope that I'll ever emerge from this nightmare. Im not leaving. Especially when the IP addresses were rearranged as usual to make her look like she was me--at least that's my theory, that last part. This is why I left California---everyone pulled the same shit there to. Said that I was sleeping with all these people and when I was sleeping in a car every night. They also gave her a thousand dollars after sleeping with her and tried to say that she earned it when all she did was reiterate my story of survival as she wasn't the one that was going through the hardship to begin with. I'm so tired of this being my life (the hard parts go to me and the cakewalk goes to her--if I ever eat cake I am not referring to this entry) This Im sure they will say was given to me when all the money they ever said they gave me was given to her. This is not a jealousy thing as I'd rather not be involved and Im technically not except that they casually lie to you and name drop me to make you think all this has happened on my end. Im the one waiting on a reimbursement check from being gauged 1/8 of my monthly income every year, over the last year. And I hear that she wanted this money......hell there's all kinds of things that I have wanted over the last decade, did I ever try to get any of someone else's money? Not ever. I dont want to complain, I just want someone that values me slightly more than a dollar sign ($) I'm so tired of this shit. Excuse me, I'm so upset at the moment and not necessarily over this but you don't seem to understand that I am constantly being used for one thing or another and I feel like i cant handle anymore. I can't deal with the lonliness and despair anymore, I have to go and try to fight back the tears that I wont give you the satisfaction of seeing me cry. F U Laci Renee Issel