It never ends

Everyone is still fighting for status and money and seem to be totally devoid of morals. All this as I am dealing with a sick infant, sobbing uncontrollably for his hardship and missing him. These people still attacking me and trying to fight for control over my son as he lays there pulling at his tubing trying to cry but his vocal cords are hindered by the tubes down his throught and in the process breaking my heart.
But to you I am a moron. You use both of our existances as part of your game. I am being called a "user" and a shame ironically as both me and my son are used in a global competition. I dont appreciate it, as his pain is real and that of his mothers is real also.
Not to mention someone just tried to claim the rights of my writing supposedly signing a "record deal" and once again cashing in on my very existance. Everyone seems to get paid for something that has to do with me. Im a walking Truman Show and people always trying to make it sound like I am the bad guy as they skip off to the bank to cash the check that my writing provided them. Oh and how is it you plan to pass me off as a "medium" for some fake willing to lie and take credit for my writing and who is much younger than me.
I rented a vehicle and am in the bay area to try and find the father of my child because he is sick and I wanted him to see our son. In the process found out that my aunt Paula has been picking my sons father up and taking him places for quite some time now behind my back, even while I was begging for her and the rest of my families help, was pregnant and alone. Im not mad at my sons father, he doesn't know me well enough to know what to believe about me.
But thats alright, I have been offered the increadible opportunity of being a hooker courtesy of my family. Im so tired of loving people that are trying to make a buck off me.
To the people that continuously say "YA", and "Yep" to me in every establishment, on the street and pretty much everywhere I try to go....has it ever occured to you to try and put yourselves in my shoes? Has it ever occurred to you that I hear "YA" and "Yep" all day long and if you decide to show some class and keep quiet once in awhile, I'll still hear it from someone else within an hour. It never ends. And to think I never go out of my way to cause you discomfort.
To the people that are obsessed with destroying peoples lives because you say that they are being "okay".....why is it that you think that you have the right to hurt or punish someone for having their own personality? Sounds to me like you have control issues, you dont ever have the right to hurt someone or sabotage them just becuase you dont get your way.
I got called "okay" today for being totally ill and trying to get better before it gets any worse. I feel like someone has a voodoo doll of me as my whole body hurts, my head feels like its going to explode and Im trying to down as much vitamin C and immune defense as possible so that I can go see my son. But I have been called okay by the overzealous control hungry group of people once again without any regard for my actual situation. God only knows what they did to sabotage me today.
To Oma, I am not a shame, I am autistic and although it has created many misunderstandings it is nothing to be ashamed of. Aspergers syndrome has been a gift and I appologize for any misunderstandings but for a girl that has been through as much mud slinging as I have and has still been able to remain a decent person, I dont drink or smoke or do drugs, I feel proud of the person that I am and proud of my son. Im also proud of the fact that I created such a great income stream out of nothing, with just a pen and paper, so much income that I have almost been killed for someone else to try and take credit and from what I hear has been successful in collecting money they had absolutely nothing to do with, off of MY writing. What a leech to take income from a girl that had nothing, just because you dont want to do your own work in life. Dont worry It will be turned around on me as usual, some jerk will make it look like I am some how the bad guy. I made millions and got nothing, and now they want my kid. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Hollywood is everything to these people, they have almost killed me trying to get in and the whole time all I wanted was to be a mom and love my son and now Hollywood thinks that they are taking my son away....over my dead body.
Im still being threatened with jail and institutionalization for no other reason than they want control over me.
I still have this overweight man stalking me and everyone keeps asking me if I want to "do" him, what I really want is for him to get the hell out of my life.
I have been mercilessly stalked over the last 6 years while I had no resources and these spoiled ass people have the nerve to accuse me of stalking some girl that I have no knowledge of (meaning I dont know who) not to mention I dont and have never had the resources to stalk anyone as I never recieved help from my friends or family so how the f--- could I stalk someone with no vehicle and no credit cards...she stalked me AND had the resources to do so.
A dirty sherriffs deputy keeps stalking me demanding jail time from me. He's from Mobile Alabama and allowed me to get beat in his jail by the inmates who taped it and showed it on you tube over the last two years. He's trying to clear himself of the responsibility of what he condoned and allowed. Also the inmates of that jail cell are also following me around and have been stalking me trying to get me committed on various occasions. Basically, everyone just thinks they can do whatever they want to me and they all think that they have some right to include themselves in my life.
Get out of my life. How's that. Every low life that doesn't want to do their own work and is looking at me like Im some sort of dollar sign, just get the f--- out. Im sick of dirty no moral having people involving themselves in my life looking for a naieve meal ticket. I dont want you in my life.....get out. People trying to make me go to jail all the time so that they can try and beat me for profit. All the people waiting for me to write something else profound so that they can steal it and copyrite infringe upon it, and plagerize some more...write your own stuff.
Im getting back my life, my son, and every cent that you have ever taken from me illeagally. Every copyright infringement costs $500-$20,000. Everytime you play the song that was derrived from my poem. That doesn't include the money that you have already made off the content. Im not money hungry but Ill tell you what, Im getting really sick of you pushing me around because you have the money and resources to do so. You wont let me have my own money because you know that you wont be able to control me anymore. You wont let me have anything. You just continue to use me and then when Im broke and worn out and someone helps, you call me the user. Im tired of making you rich and famous. Im tired of you getting portions of my life just because you decided you wanted a piece of my life. Im tired of it being perfectly clear who the author is (almost all my writing is time and day stamped on the internet and you still have the audacity to claim that you wrote it or that I am somehow your medium) Try again, theif.
By the way I am not going to jail for something that I didn't do. It is the stalkers that have created all this drama, I am constantly being threatened with jail or institutionalization from complete strangers. Everyone thinks that my life is just some sort of free for all. I dont know you, you dont know me, get out of my life.
I was the one who lived like Jason F-ing Bourne for the last 6 years and they had the nerve to accuse me of trying to hurt another Bourne. It never ends, constant accusations. When will you allow me to actually live and enjoy my existance with my child? Your tests and your games consume the majority of my existance but you have no regard for the fact that I have had no quality of life for what seems like forever because its not you jumping through hoops. When your ill your allowed to be, when your happy your allowed to be, when your sad your allowed to be, when your successful your allowed to be, when your wronged your allowed to be vindicated, when someone hurts you your allowed normal emotion, when your hungry your allowed to eat, when your thirsty your allowed to drink, when you have a baby your allowed to raise it, when you love something your allowed to hold on to it, when you need assistance your allowed to recieve help, when you create a way to make an income you are allowed to collect it, YOU HAVE BEEN ALLOWED ALL THESE RIGHTS THAT I HAVE BEEN REFUSED FOR THE LAST SIX YEARS AND YOU STILL FIND THE NEED TO DRIVE YOUR KNIVES EVEN DEEPER INTO MY HEART.
IM NOT A CIRCUS ANIMAL AND I WOULD LIKE TO LIVE MY LIFE NOW WITHOUT YOUR TESTS, YOUR GAMES AND TO BE QUITE HONEST, WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE. FIND ANOTHER SCAPEGOAT BECAUSE I HAVE GROWN TIRED OF PAYING FOR MISTAKES THAT I NEVER MADE.

I refuse to "DO" the people that they want me to "DO". Its always some overweight prototype that they throw my way and accuse me of being "wet" over. Im disgusted to say the least and I can assure you that I am attracted to all sorts of men and that you keep throwing men at me that look my uncle. No thanks. Dont worry I dont get "wet" over someone that looks like someone that has left me for dead on many occasions and has used me mercilessly. Im much more attracted to someone that looks like Matthew Lilliard. But you dont care you just are hell bent on making me be with someone that resembles my uncle and my worst nightmare, someone that will kill me before he would love me. Thanks for nothing.

I rented a vehicle to drive it and just got threatened with straps at the store by a complete stranger, for trying to buy orange juice (which I dont even like) to try and get rid of this cold. Im sick of being threatened. Im trying to get some things accomplished by having this vehicle as I am usually rendered without transportation. I am staying in my vehicle not because I want 2 (whatever that means, I still dont understand) and I dont want someones man because I am driving a vehicle (how rediculous). Just based on the fact that I just got threatened when I emerged from the vehicle, Im now using this vehicle as a place of refuge away from everyones constant intrusion in my life, if I dont hear another threat or another "YA" or "Yep" for the next three days, fine by me.
I just want a normal day for once. Im judged and played with 24 hours a day and I can assure you that I am not guilty or innocent and it isn't just or unjust, ever based on where I end up geographically, if I go to the store it just means that I need something and the store I choose is based on location not the company, what is closest at the time.
Also I am not on someones side based on where I drive or what establishment I go into. And the only person's side I am on at this point is my son's and my father's.
Dad you have truly been my hero over the last 12 days and I am totally thankful to you for the guidance you have given. You have always been larger than life in my eyes and I love you with all of my heart. Your grandson thanks you too. I will always love my mother even though I know that you two dont get along but you are both my parents and neither one of you can tell me not to love the other.
Tell your wife dad that I appreciate her tolerance of my sudden emergence into your lives and that I dont take it for granted.

You people just refuse to allow me a normal life while you continue to live yours. How would you like to be me for a day? I dont think you would last a week without wanting to throttle someone. Ive been taking hits for 6 years and still have the majority of my composure. You try being threatened constantly for normal behaviors and having certain unwanted people in your life, that you dont even agree with trying to run your life and tell you what you can and cant have in life monitoring your non-existant sex life calling you C A R. Telling you whether or not you can masturbate....no Im serious, actually giving you "permission" to touch your own body. You wouldn;t last a week without wanting to knock someone out.

By the way Bryce, I appologize if me being constantly attacked brings you down. There isn't a lot of room for smiles and giggles when people have made it painful to breathe. I could be a lot more free spirited if I didn't have 500 threats a day aimed at me or if I wasn't constantly humiliated or if random videos of sexual encounters weren't surfacing all the time or if I wasn't being blackmailed with my own child. You've always had it pretty good so what would you know of living at poverty level while people steal your income and claim your accomplishments as their own then turn around and threaten you for breathing. I hate to bring you down and all but would it hurt you to put yourself in the shoes of an innocent girl that is autistic and always misunderstood because of it, in the first place. You dont have to do anything like that ever, but would it kill you to not be as selfish as to publically say some aweful thing like I bring you down? Way to think of yourself. Dont you think that I would rather laugh than cry? You could help, dont have to, but you could, rather than to add to the humiliation. Im a person with no one Bryce, I've been lied about and seriously abused by complete strangers and if life long friends dont help, who will? I hope your life is great I wish nothing but great things for you but again, I have no one and people push me around mercilessly. We have two different lives and the only way mine will get better is if someone finds it in their heart to care and wants to put an end to the abuse that I endure everyday. These people play with me like a puppet, Bryce. If I were you, I'd be totally angry if the situation was reversed and I was watching you all miserable and upset. I wouldn't care what the hell was going on I would do my best to offer you help and stick up for you. I know that I have embarassed you in the past and for that I appologize but I am not the same girl I was then, I've learned a lot since the famous "san Mateo humiliation" 6 years ago. I am a totally different being from all the cruelty and yes, I know what your part was in all of that. Im a lot wiser now...its harder for people to try and humiliate me now, back then I was an open target, now I am wiser---that alone you should have respect for, as a matter of fact you technically should have a lot of respect for a girl that just wouldn't die over the last 6 years because I sure had a number of people try and kill me, beat me up for profit, not to mention countless other things. Bryce, you were someone that I looked up to back then, like my dad, I thought you walked on water. Not to many people get that in life. Not to many people are held, ever, in such high esteem. In my eyes there was nothing you could do wrong. You were a mentor to me. Now I realize that you are just a person. Your just a person like me. I still want great things for you but I no longer think that you have the power to save me. I will tell you that any sacrifices you have made for me I appreciate. If you haven't drank, or eaten I dont know but thank you for any sacrifices you have made. I will always care about you, I wanted you to be my friend. But I realize that you have your own life and unlike 6 years ago am no longer desparate to try and make people that dont want to be a part of my life a part of my life. Im numb to rejection because there has been so much of it, so it doesn't hurt anymore if you say that you want nothing to do with me. No matter what, even after the bad stuff I found out about you, I still want great things for you....that's what knowing you your whole life is for, forgiving and giving you room to grow, and to be honest, if your still thinking of how your life has been affected by me when you've never had the misfortune of being homeless and alone then you still have some growing to do. We all have room to grow, we all have room to change....most of us at least... I haven't been given "permission" yet by the overzealous creepoids that think they run my life and people aren't done "using" me yet. (not directed at you Bryce)

I LOVE YOU BUDDHA, YOU ARE MY HEART AND SOUL PRECIOUS BABY AND THOSE PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR FAMILY, I AM AND YOUR FATHER IS, MOST OF THEM ARE STRANGERS LOVE, JUST LOOKING TO MAKE A BUCK OFF US.